#himaddy

Sorry for not posting yesterday, I was busy being stressed out over school :/ But nothing too interesting happened yesterday.

Today I woke up late and because of this went to school looking like crap. Although, I did pull off a bed head pony tail pretty well. No really good highlights from the school day. But today I went to the Christmas Tree Lighting with Amy and Betsy. Amy and I wanted to go just ourselves, but Betsy wanted to come too and we didn't want to be mean...

Anyway, so we wander around in the rain until Jeremy finds us. The rest of night we all hang out and Amy makes eyebrows at us from time to time because she thinks we'd be really cute together. Jeremy hugs be a couple of times, but I don't really hug back because I'm, as I've mentioned before, AWKWARD. But we laughed a lot about inside jokes from first grade and it was really fun. I hugged him back on like, the third hug, (ALL OF THEM WERE CASUAL) and he fucking poINTED IT OUT THAT IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HUGGED HIM BACK AND INSIDE IM JUST LIKE, KSDLJFASKFJLSAFJSL;DAJF WHY THE FUCK.. .WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS. WHAT ABOUT ALDENIE. IM SO CONFUSED.

there's a lot of laughing and Jeremy loOKS REALLY HOT IN A SANTA HAT. HE KIND OF BRINGS SEXY SANTA TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. IM SORRY BUT IT HAD TO BE SAID. (btw im like 392849023840923842% sure that Aldenie would've looked, like, 3948392048920349084903458903485092348534209% better in it tho. all of the awards, Aldenie. All of the awards.) 

So anyway, then I take out my phone to check on it and he's like, "Wait, what's your background?" with mock disappointment and I show him my SEXY IMAGE OF IAN SOMERHALDER AND I SAY, "Ian Somerhalder the sexiest man to ever walk the earth," and then he says, "Sometimes I hate you because now you're a regular girl," and I REPLY IN THE SASSIEST WAY POSSIBLE, "Well, SORRY I DON'T PLAY STAR WARS ON THE PLAYGROUND ANYMORE," and he does that thing that ALL ATTRACTIVE AND EGOTISTICAL GUYS JUST DO SPOT ON, WHERE THEY LEAN BACK AND PUT THEIR HANDS UP AS IF IN DEFEAT AND HE'S JUST LIKE, "WELL SORRY," and the whole time im just thinking, "jealous, are we?" BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT OUT LOUD BECAUSE KSLFJSDLKFJSDFJSDLF;JSDA;LFJSALKFJ

and i get home and now I think i may be moving on from Aldenie WHICH I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW BUT JUST SDLKFJSKLFJSA ALDENIE IS MADE FROM ANGELS BUT JEREMY AND I HAVE HISTORY AND I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. IM THIRTEEN YEARS OLD WHY AM I FEELING THESE FEELINGS.GAHH.

plus i can actually see Jeremy and I being together and really cute as a couple, but with Aldenie, it's more of a fantasy and I just... JFDSAFJ;SAD;FJSAF. 

;-; also for most of the night all I wanted to do was like hold his hand or something and I could picture us as a couple holding hands and being adorable but jUST DAMMIT MADDY. ALDENIE.

i feel like im cheating on him even though he doens't know that, in my mind, Aldenie and I are a thing. BUT JEREMY IS THREATENING THAT TITLE AAND I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS YET. SKDFLJSALKFJSDALFKJAS;LD

so goodnight. i think im going to go to sleep thinking about Jeremy because im fucKING WEIRD LIKE THAT.