My friends are all trying to take the hardest classes they can, to get into the best schools they can, and they willingly do it to the detriment of their mental health. We talk about it and it's all a big spiral into burnout.
My teachers are all trying to get us to either: A) take the hardest classes that require the most work, or B) slow down and take a break before we end up crashing and burning. The teachers who want you to slow down are always concerned with how much work we do. One teacher in particular is pretty worried about the amount of stress I feel as a result of school.
But feel like I don't fit into either of those mindsets.
To the teachers, I'm a stressed highly-capable program kid who has exceptional English scores. I'm pretty decent at everything, but English is the subject that gets people turning their heads and recognizing my work.
To the other high-cap kids, I'm not really remarkable. I'm not taking all AP classes, I don't really talk about my English scores outside of English, and at face value, I'm a pretty average AP student. My GPA isn't perfect, but it's good.
In reality, I feel like I could be good at loads more stuff. There's part of me that knows I could be just like my highly achieving friends with more effort and time, that I could stand out like they do. But that would be painful and probably not worth it. At the end of the day, I'd still be mentally ill and I can't even afford the colleges my friends would love to get into. But on the reverse side, I also don't want to stop pushing myself just because it's difficult. I know what I can do, I want to at least try in a few areas to see how I can grow and become strong in those subjects. I'll always be curious and thoughtful, and I don't want to sit back in class.
In a perfect world, I would just be able to apply myself to the best of my ability and not have any stress as a result, but unfortunately I'm still an anxious kid with too much work, a best friend who just moved away, a complicated relationship with their brother, and gender dysphoria. I can't just be perfect or healthy instantly and I guess I have to figure out how that will work for me.
