#het!onkey

Distorted and obscure, that’s how everything’s pictured behind his closed back eyes. The timeline of his memory is jumbled, it’s patchy at the edge and fragmented inside and out. How it happened, he couldn’t tell. But how it felt, he had at least half of the dictionary to complain about it. About how unfair it is, about how agonizing it is.

One moment in life, he’s seeing how happy Gwiboon talked about his corny jokes which deadly annoying but actually helping her dealing with the pressure of the fashion week at the same time. Any other second, he went red when the fraction of his memory flashed, force him to dredge up how he screamed directly to her face like a mad man, asking what kind of joke she was pulling out. She said she desperately wants to spend their bubble together, a little longer, until the day turns week, and week turns months. Then again she also stormed out the room on the next day, all drenched and broken, mimicking the same hazard occurred inside his chest.

Gwiboon is more than a crush, more than a fling, more than a good catch he discovered across the field. He wished she wasn’t.

But of course, again, he could only wish.

Ninety six. Ninety seven.

Men can only wish, the sky, at the end, would be the one who decide was it worth to be granted or not. He spent a whole night in secluded beach, a hideout place he learnt from his grandfather, screaming to the far high sky, but the wound unfastened wider. At some point he admits, he was partly responsible. He wanted – and loved – the idea of a relationship, but terribly in fear for the actual relationship.

What’s bad for being in a relationship? You idiot, Lee Jinki! He cursed silently, for the thousand times already this week. That if he didn’t count words spilled out his mouth when he was unconscious.    

Ninety eight. Ninety nine.

Jinki can list at least ten reasons in less than five minutes why he didn’t pull his ass together and man up telling Gwiboon his feeling instead dropping some barricade with the whole being-casual-and-let’s-not-put-any-label-on-it shenanigans. And out of those ten reasons, none of them because of something that Gwiboon did. Or feel.

After all, he has no heart to blame her.

Hundred.

***

It’s easy to put a mask around the house, especially with a father who’s that busy and a mother who recently found a new hobby in her flower arrangement club. Unfortunately, not when a little devil descendant like Lee Taemin is actually present.

Jinki is about to go out, suffocated inside his room and suddenly feeling skimpy with just helplessly cuddling his pillow. He finally charged his phone and took his iPod out from the dock. While the other family members are somewhere scattered between living room and the kitchen, he managed to take a very quick shower and put on some presentable clothes.

Today, he opted to pick brown-maroon sweater, attempt to distinguish his feeling after last week his Mom was complaining about all the black dirty laundry he piled up making her doubling the effort doing the laundry since she had to separate all those clothes to not ruin each other. He snatched pair of jeans carelessly and as if all the constellations are lined up to pinch a joke on him, it happened to be the cropped jeans Kim Gwiboon decided to put her magic on it a while ago.

“Do you like the idea of me making you clothes?”

Jinki looked up for just a second before focused back on the contemporary art book on his hands, “What does that supposed to mean? Sounds really domestic on my ears just now.”

“Oh, please. I just asked permission, like, is it okay if I spice up your wardrobe a little bit?”

“I don’t think I need any.. but if you insisted, then I guess it’s okay. Your hands wouldn’t do something disastrous anyway.”

“Good. Because I already did,” she handed him back the jeans she stole from his wardrobe few days before, “Your jeans are all the same and I noticed you kept wearing the same ones over and over again I almost sure if I assessed it a little bit more attentively I would find holes at some point. That’s boring and I don’t want my man’s boring. So give that a try and thank me later.”

He looked himself at the mirror, his eyes struck on both his ankle when the end of the jeans hanging with jumbled strain of threads, the vivid evidences that once, Kim Gwiboon existed in his dull life. To entertain his boring life.

Boring.

Yeah, maybe that’s why she left me, because I’m boring, Jinki thought.

He thought she would be forever, they would be forever, because finally Jinki thought he found someone who leveled very well with his obduracy without coercing themselves too far. Turned out, this time is not any different with the previous relationship that he head, got his hope high then spitted out back to the earth right on the top of rocky valley. Not like the thing he had with Gwiboon could be entitled a relationship anyway. He wouldn’t dare to call it that.

If only I could muster up some courage back then and just asked her out in a very proper way, I would feel so much worthier than merely a fuck buddy.

He pocketed the car keys, inhaled a very deep breath, practiced his auto-reply smile before exited his dungeon. And there he is, waiting by the corner of the breakfast island, the devious Lee Taemin who’s always up to roast his own brother.

“Oh, hello universe. The grad student is finally showed up! Congratulation!! We need to celebrate this very soon! Should I buy some champagne?”

Jinki kicked the stool where he sit furiously before poured himself a good amount of orange juice, the bright yellow liquid vanished in less than thirty seconds.

“I heard from your Mom, Buddy. Finally, you’re going.”

“It’s not in anytime soon, Dad. I just got accepted. Barely finish my final project here.”

“But you can still take the long distance single course for the first semester right?”

His father had been busy coming back and forth among Seoul, Tokyo, and London. There wouldn’t be any chance left for him to go through in his courting mode and interviewing his mother because the woman would shower him with the story of her new club before he could ask anything.

“Who told you that?”

“Your brother.”

He shot a glare to Taemin who stopped middle air from shoving a piece of taco to his mouth, “Don’t blame me. That man come to me with new pair of shoes, of course I surrendered.”

“That man is your father!” his mother slapped the back of his head which attained an annoying squeal from the youngest son.

“I am worried a little bit about you, Jinki.”

There’s a reason why his father now became a very famous attorney. His instinct works beyond human shield.

“Don’t be, Dad. I will be fine. It’s just too handful a bit now, with the final project, preparation, and also adjust the online course and everything.”

“If only you picked London, I have lots of acquaintance there who can actually help you.”

“That’s in some measure, the reason why I picked Chicago. Too many people we know in London, Dad, they might judge as well while stretching a helpful hand. Besides, it was my first choice since the bachelor but the beautiful lady over there was begging like a toddler seven years ago for me not to go there too early. I won’t give up my dream twice.”

Thanks to cousin Minjung and her obsession on NBA when they’re in the grade school. Whenever she visited, she gushed about this Chicago Bull’s to the siblings and triggered a very young Jinki to go to his father’s library and checking some books about the place along the Lake Michigan. Soon enough, he fell for the Windy City and dreamed to move and work as an architect there.

“And yet, see how stubborn you grew up into. So much effort I pulled to keep you grounded next to me. At the end you’d flee away still.”

“You better go sooner or she reenacted the same scene again, Buddy,” his father winked to him, knowing Jinki would be at least smiling on it.

“Roger that, Pops! I’m going!”

Taemin looks dejected on his seat, this is the first time since forever Jinki’s finally leaving his sanctuary that he’s witnessing and he didn’t even pay attention to him. Is he okay? Did he find another girl already? Taemin is way more worried than he used to be.

“Where?! For a date?! Why?! How?! With whom?! Why did you leave me here?! Why didn’t you say anything to me?! Dude!”

“Stop the commotion right there, Lee Taemin. I called Junghee this morning both of you are going with me to shop for my next club gathering.”

“Why on earth you called her?! And how do you know her number?! Mom!!”

The scene left Jinki shaking his head and chortling, somehow, a bit of pleasant feeling occupied his hollow core. That might be the one he would be missing so much when he’s alone abroad. However, the excitement of finally leaving all the traces screaming Gwiboon’s name whenever he turned is all that he can think about now and then. What a perfect excuse. He can’t wait to run away from every single memory of her in this house, this town, this time zone that had been hunted him ever since she asked him not to see each other anymore.

***

Jinki stood right at the check-out desk, dropped his favorite red bean buns and pulled out the wallet from his back pocket. The first thing greeted him when he opened it was the silly picture of him and Gwiboon they took one day at the photo box near Jinki’s favorite arcade because it was suddenly pouring hard. He still has no gut to throw it out because deep down he realized when he took it out, when he finally took it out, it means he needs to let it go everything and he hasn’t down for it any closer yet.

“That’s all?”

The question of the boy in front of him breaks the bubbles inside his head. Jinki’s eyes went pass him and caught the rack full of cigarettes behind. How tempting in so many ways.

“Yeah. That’s it.”

He opened the wrap immediately he stepped out the mart and decided to get his caffeine intake across the street. The café seems not that full, maybe I can still find some blind spot at the corner.

“Jinki?”

A calm voice intrigued his consciousness. He looked around for a while until a woman with short blonde hair is intruding his personal view more.

“Amber, right?”

“Yeah. I thought I called the wrong person.”

“How so? Do I look different with his hair?” Jinki jokingly pointed to his choppy hair. He attempted to cut it by himself last week since he didn’t want to go to his regular barber shop, the man over there would talk nonstop and that was the last thing he desired. The result as everyone can see, was beyond awful. Let’s just all be relieved that his hair grows in the speed of light.

“A little bit,” Amber chuckled seeing how his hair seemed done by a blind person, “But mostly because you look tired.”

Jinki laughed, but not really laughing, “Just woke up and drove here. Stay up late for the final project. How are you?”

Of course he lied, who wants to turn the situation into an awkward moment by blurted out how messed up they’re currently?

“I’m good! Quite busy at the studio but that means we’re growing. So I’m not really complaining.”

“Sounds great.”

Sounds annoying. Why can’t other people as miserable as me?

“Totally,” she looks very pumped and Jinki felt so bad for not reacting with the same level of excitement, “And how is it going with you?”

“Busy but not, bored but not, just.. so so.. you know?” Jinki snorted, tad nervous with such a simple question.

“Ah, I know.. it must be difficult for you as well.”

“As well? I thought the studio’s doing great. You’re going through something?”

Guess it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time having his personality. Being born Jinki, he can’t just ignored people’s feeling even though he knew he’s not in the current capacity to help.

“No, no, yeah, I’m great, studio, factory, all is well. I mean besides Gwiboon.. it must be hard time for you too, you know… with all this situation.”

Jinki doesn’t remember he told anyone what happened between him and the girl. Not even Taemin actually, but that kid was probably a CIA in his previous life Jinki didn’t find the necessity to tell him, nonetheless he would still just come up with some weird ideas to cheer his brother up.

Like the other day, suddenly stack of Mars appeared on his side of fridge – yes, he has his own territory inside that place because once their mother got rid of something belong to him, he exploded like a land mine. Or suddenly, chicken bucket greeted him by the corner of his desk when he came back home almost four in the morning.

But besides that, he kept everything inside. Not any single word of her came out from him after that day. She must have gone to Amber to unload her heart and narrate some stuff about them.

“What can I say?” He sent her small smile but it looks bitterer than the last pills he took for his migraine two days ago.

“I’m sorry, for both of you, really. It’s always hard to choose when it comes for this kind of crossroad, even a very smart one can be the most indecisive human being on earth. I was in her position before. In my case though, I was so much more hardheaded than Gwiboon, that way it was easier for me to leave everything behind. Gwiboon was still nice enough to think about other people around her. Her brother, you, and even her crazy parents who don’t even care. You may already know how hard her father is to his children.”

Hard to choose? Between what? Father? Why suddenly she brought up her father when Gwiboon herself never talked about the said man? Not even Jonghyun who had been friend with him longer than his sister.

“I still remember she ruck-sacked my office all tears and snots rambling about she doesn’t mind throwing herself under the bus as long as she can stay here and not being sent to the states. Poor girl.”

Sta—wait, what?

He thought he knew Gwiboon, this new found though, completely confused him to the staple. After a very quick self-deliberation, he decided to play along and stay chill. Jinki’s afraid Amber would realize she did something she’s banned to and just left the conversation hanging on the air while Jinki finally can grasp the whole portrait of the puzzle Gwiboon left behind.

“Ah she told you that?”

For Jinki that was a pure question, with a tint of hope Amber would leak some circumstances a little bit more. However for Amber, she heard that as a response of bemusement as if Gwiboon not supposed to tell anyone that and kept it only between her and Jinki.

“I am really sorry. She didn’t want to say anything at first, but I guess I was too pushy and it happened that she just couldn’t handle it by herself anymore. Her dre—“

Amber’s phone beeped before she could finish her sentence. She excused herself to check the message and immediately glancing to her wrist, unpleasant air’s very evident on her face.

“Jinki, it was really nice stumbled into you. The work is calling, though, so.. if you don’t mind..”

“Ah, yeah. Of course. Sorry I was holding you here. Thanks for the quick catch up.”

“You take care, okay?”

“I will. See you around, Amber!”

Within a minute, Amber already leaving the side of the street they were standing. Jinki felt the need of caffeine boiling inside him is just got tripled.

***

Jinki accomplished simple tasks by eleven in the morning. He changed his sheets, almost one months later – finally, his mother almost burn the filthy mattress together with it, he made himself a good cup of coffee and grilled cheese, and now started to make trial renders for his interior proposal of his final project.

He put aside his ego and locked it at the corner of the back of his head after he met Amber and of course a long drive to his grandfather graveyard only to eat two whole chicken bucket while talking to his headstone. He obviously earned very weird and awkward gazes from the other people who happened visiting their beloved ones but he didn’t mind even slightly, because at the end of the day he’s convinced, at least Gwiboon left not completely because him.

Another reason is because his professor sent him an email reminded him if he still desired to graduate by the next batch, he needs to submit 50% of the final material no later than the next week. Therefore, the reasonable part of Jinki strangled the overly sensitive and emotional self to the ground and chained him for their own good.

And of course the last part was only happened inside his head but who cares? He finally managed to control his adrenaline by eating one kilogram of avocado for each meal yesterday. Healthy or unhealthy, the people in his house could only judge. With the amount of obstinacy he owned, nobody’s able to change anything.

“Jinx, you got a package,” Taemin trespassed the door on ease knowing he’s currently having the upper hand in the house after seeing the effect of his tattle tale nature on Jinki, “Did you order something?”

“I ordered pork stew and some soondae two minutes ago but I don’t think it would come this fast and I’m pretty sure they came in different container.”

“Funny,” Taemin dropped the small brown box on his desk, “I went to the mailbox to check my shoes but I found it instead.”

“You do have some shoes fetish, don’t you?”

“So what can I do if Reebok just released its new classic edition? Sleeping soundly at night knowing thousands people out there sporting the goods while I can only dream about it? Do you want to see the world burnt? Hell no!”

Jinki’s taken aback with the sudden outburst he didn’t expect. Those shoes must cost him such fortune, he shrugged and reached the package.

“Who sent this?”

“How would I know?”

Jinki assessed the wrapper, it does have the stamp of the courier company, so it must be sent through mail. But oddly enough, they let this package passed with no name or address from the sender was written on it. And lately, he didn’t order anything besides food. Or taxi, when the other day Taemin was sneaky enough being an asshole by taking his car to go on a date.

“You brought anonymous package inside my room? How could you? Don’t go anywhere until I opened it!”

Taemin wasn’t planning to go out soon anyway, but the shrieking voice released from Jinki’s mouth was insulting his pride enough.

“What? Did Mom finally rub you off too hard? You sounded exactly like her just now! And it was just a ridiculous package! Might be from your fans who finally found our address!”

“Might be a bomb as well! If this one exploded, I’m taking you with me!”

“Did you even hear yourself? Who do you think you are? President? Prince Harry? Bruno Mars?”

“Terrorism doesn’t own GPS nor common sense!”

“Neither do you!” he dropped himself to Jinki’s mattress after he couldn’t find any leftover of candies Jinki used to have here and there on his bookshelf, “Who knows it would be just fans gift like before? And who knows you don’t want it and I got to have that?”

Jinki finally realized the reason why his brother not leaving immediately after he dropped the good. It can’t be bad, this one went through the courier company scanning system, the worst he could get is a stupid prank from someone or like Taemin said, a gift from admirer.

“But I haven’t been on stage since God knows how long!”

“Jesus Christ, just open it for crying out loud! I’ll do it if you’re too scared!”

Taemin’s this close ripping Jinki’s pillow into two. Snickered lowly, he started peeling the wrapper only to find a fine maroon box with silver band tied it together. Once the content peeking through the opening Jinki made carefully, eruption of emotion burst under his skin.

Safely kept inside the box, all the Polaroid photos Gwiboon had been taking when they were together, she obsessed with Polaroid and could take three pictures at a time. The amount of love floating from the piles started to suffocate Jinki. They were happy, it’s started and ended in a disaster but they were happy.

He picked one where both of them doing stupid faces, it was in her studio where they spent the whole night working on their own deadlines. 3 AM, with the best companion ever, that’s how she wrote below.

‘When Jinki being an architect’

‘I had enough for today’

‘Coffee time’

‘Look at meeee’

‘He said I’m cute in this one’

‘The sweetest bunny’

‘Jinki’s number :)’

‘Can’t help but being sloth to him :P’

‘Winter Project’

‘He gives the best hug’

‘His baby carrot fingers :3’

‘How the sun looks when he’s sleepy’

‘Mine <3’

She left her message in almost every picture. And the last one nearly breaks the guard on his eyes. Mine, he brushes her cute hand writings, bitter smile adorned his gloomy face promptly. It was him, lips all red pursing like baby penguin, looks like he was arguing something and she didn’t miss the chance to frame his upset state.  

He doesn’t know her whereabouts, phone calls and texts he sent only reciprocated by the provider service messages telling him the number had been deactivated. Yet now, he received the only traces left of her, returned back to him, as if she tried getting rid the last footprints of him that she possessed. It’s saddening.

Jinki continued digging the pictures, grimace, smirk, smile, and frowns appeared one to another, enlightened Taemin – who kept his brother in check by the corner of his eyes – that it was some important package. One Polaroid however was purposely been stuck to the bottom of the box.

Gwiboon was smiling, so bright, angelic and mesmerizing, with Jinki glued to her side, nuzzling her cheek, grin splitting on his half face printed on it, so evident it hurts.

‘98258’

It stunned him immediately. Still in daze, the sound of Gwiboon’s voice mocking him and his fixation on oldie stuff is echoing so loud inside his head. That’s started with simple conversation of current fashion trend which brought back the vibe from 90s. One thing led to another, both of them spent the rest of the night in front of Jinki’s laptop checking how the youngster using beeper to send each other message back then. He was so excited when they found this website full of silly quizzes where you need to encrypt the hidden message behind those series of number.  And of course Gwiboon was annoyed because most of the time, it was Jinki who’s able to guess it correctly.

Even now.

“Taem.”

“Hmm?” he tried to act as nonchalant as possible but his ears perked so bad, desperately want to know what his brother is going to say.

“How do you know you love someone?”

He cocked his head to the side, just to found Jinki looking forlornly to the small box, “How do I know I love someone?”

“Did I ask the wrong person?” Jinki let out dry chuckle to ease Taemin.

“Ha. You may say so,” Taemin puffed the sides of the pillow under his head, “This may sound so pretentious and would make you cringed at some point, but I guess, nobody knows, Jinx. It’s not weather that you could forecast, not something that obvious as if you look at your window and be like crap-it’s-raining-outside. It’s just… happened. Some are lucky enough to be more aware than the other. Some are just too oblivious until the end, until they had the urge to invent the impossible time machine.”

“And some are just too dumb and chicken out when they realized they’re in love.”

“Were you in love?”

Jinki’s eyes fluttered close to the question, “I am.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

Silence fell once again between the two. Taemin’s digesting still all the unexpected confession he just heard while Jinki now stared blankly to the pile of Polaroid spread over the surface of his desk. Recollection brewed inside his head, somehow he’s quite proud, half awe-struck half regretted, how they managed to have this much memory in a very limited time. Indeed, time is just a concept, it’s all relative up to the point you desperately need to stretch one slice of its epoch.

“Sorry, I was disappointing with my stupid try-to-be-poetic answer. Never been in love before, never expected I’d be, but one thing I can say to you because you’re my brother and even though we’re not twins we have this scary gene connection which is too similar and I bet twins would questioning themselves once they acknowledge this, if you found yourself relating random tiny detail to certain someone, you might as well go for it, then.”

“Is that what happened with you?” Jinki timidly asked, afraid that Taemin could proof further how he missed his chance by assuming he knew what’s the best for him and Gwiboon for these past months.

“Do you realize that the color of your wood structure is exactly the same color of Junghee’s eyes under the sun? Of course you don’t. So, yeah, more or less, that’s what happened with me.”

His eyes locked to one of the photo. Gwiboon was smiling on it, hair pulled up into his favorite messy bun, one shoulder exposed to the sun flares seeping through his window and touched the glowing skin on it. She looked so serene, the most beautiful he had ever seen, because in this one, he could see the genuine Gwiboon under those rumors, those pointed fingers, those make ups, pretty clothing, cynical comments and cold surfaces she put as masks. She’s the Gwiboon who he fell for.

And his heart clenched for he still vividly recalled how he convinced Gwiboon to let him took that picture of her the minute she opened her eyes, the girl finally gave up after he threatened her he would withheld her favorite shower sex. Worked like magic back then.

And worked like poison now once he realized it’s simply a painful memory left he held tight.

“Can you do me a last favor?”

“Sounds erotic,” he yawned and ready to slither inside Jinki’s comforter, “Both of us knew very well it won’t be the last, but yeah, shoot it.”

***

The house is painted dusted blue, huge window pane by the right far covered with light grey curtain from the inside, preventing people to peek on what’s behind the glass. The porch is not that big, but enough to accommodate couple of wooden chair with small concrete table. There’s no vehicle present in the carport, only an old skateboard leaned to the white wall separating the house with the neighbor.

Jinki nervously double check his phone, reciting the address written on the screen to himself, then make sure the number there is the same with the one placed on the wall.

He has never been here before, clearly. He licks his dry lips for the nth time this morning and glanced to his watch. Ten minutes late. Damn you bridge construction, he mumbled. He’s debating whether he should make a call or just go press the ring bell.

At the end, after another minute delaying himself like a sweaty anxious provincial exam taker, he opted to the second one. Vaguely, he heard someone’s approaching, and the door in front of him swung open inside. A familiar face greeted him with small nod and smile.

“Took you longer than I expected.”

“Well, need some time to make a peace with everything, I guess? I asked your number to Taemin just yesterday.”

“Come on in, then.”

“Thanks, Minho.”

***

cross-posted on my AFF couple weeks ago :)

This one is purposely written to center on Jinki, and the universe rolling around him. I am excited but also quite sad that the next chapter will be the last one. Thank you for reading and following this story. Hopefully, you like this chapter and the upcoming one as well! As usual, I only wish for your happiness wherever you are! Comments are always welcome! XOXO

P.S.: do you know what’s the beeper message mean? Let me know if you can guess! :P

Kibum doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t force her to say anything either and the silence that slowly envelops them in the kitchen is comfortable.

Eunsook is still anxious, though, and it translate to everything she does. She spills rice when she tries to take a bite, burns her fingers when she tries cutting the ribs and almost tips over her glass of water when she reaches towards the salad leaves.

Kibum grabs her hand and intertwines their fingers.

“You should tell me what’s going on instead of being so jittery. You’ll end up getting hurt and I would really prefer whatever you have to say over having to drive you to the hospital with an injury.”

Eunsook looks away shyly before she takes a deep breath and turns back to face him.

“Okay so… I’ve been feeling quite exhausted these past few weeks and you know that.” Kibum nods and urges her to continue. “Yeah, well, so I talked to Taeyeon and she suggested going to the doctor, right?” Eunsook pauses and looks at Kibum to make sure he’s following her. “Okay, so I said I would go to the doctor but then I realised that my period was two weeks late and I’m not sure how I missed it but the point is …”

Another break wherein Kibum’s eyes widen as he soaks up the information.

“You’re pregnant,” he says.

“I’m pregnant,” she confirms. Silence slips over the kitchen and the couple. Eunsook chews on her lower lip as she gauges his expression. She didn’t expect him to shout and get angry, not really, but the silence makes her anxious as well. Kibum blinks.

“You’re pregnant,” he says again and Eunsook nods and bites her lower lip so hard it starts bleeding. “You’re pregnant.”

Eunsook whines a little and shakes their locked hands and almost tips over the candlelights.

“Say something else,” she begs and Kibum lets go of her hand so he can stand and walk to her side. She looks at him but is unable to read his expression and it scares her. Damn, she knew they should’ve been more careful. She could’ve gotten an abortion without him knowing and all.

Kibum takes her cheeks in his hands and leans down to kiss her lips and Eunsook squeals in surprise.

“You’re fucking pregnant! That’s amazing!” Kibum says when he lets go of her lips and Eunsook sighs relieved, her shoulders sagging with relief.

“Really?” she asks and Kibum nods.

“Yes.”

She stands up beside him and wraps her arms around him and Kibum embraces her like it’s the most natural thing ever. It is, if she’s honest. She belongs in his arms like this. It’s comfortable now that she has finally said the words. What’s going to happen she doesn’t know but Kibum’s warmth is enough to comfort her. He lets go of her a little while later and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“I love you Lee Eunsook,” he says and Eunsook blushes a little.

“Kibum…” she whines and Kibum chuckles. 

He lifts her up and Eunsook squeals again as she presses close to him, hangs on tight so he doesn’t drop her.

He puts her down on the back of the couch and Eunsook grabs the fabric to stay seated, Kibum standing in between her legs.

“It’s the best thing you could’ve told me,” he says. “Now I only need to get on one knee.”

Eunsook widens her eyes.

“Don’t you dare!” she says and Kibum blinks in confusion.

“What?”

Eunsook just shakes her head a little.

“We’re not getting married because I’m pregnant.” Kibum is at a loss for words. “I want to marry you because you love me and truly wants to marry me, not just because I’m pregnant.”

Her heart flutters when Kibum sends her a soft smile and presses another kiss to her forehead.

“My strong independent woman. God, I love you so much Eunsook.”

She smiles shyly at the praise.

“I love you too.”

Then she leans up towards him and locks their lips, her hands resting over his shoulders and he grabs her waist and leans into the kiss. When he lets go he rests his hand on her stomach and Eunsook removes it. Kibum looks at her confused.

“I feel fat when you do that,” she says and Kibum laughs.

“You’ll be the most beautiful pregnant woman on Earth.”

“Holding him back for what?! For a better life?! How can you still defend him? At this point I cannot tell who the brainless one is.”

“You are the brainless one! You got married too fast!”

Eunsook tried to divert her to the topic she loves the best.

“Don’t blame me! Minho is just too good!”

“And you’re too weak.”

“Who can’t resist a very beautiful rose diamond ring?”

The lady sitting next to her gives her the eye when Eunsook cracks loudly.

“My materialistic woman. This is why I love you, Kim Junghee!”

“Come here quickly! I miss you so much you have no idea!”

“I miss you too, baby! I’ll see you in couple hours!”

“Stay out of trouble! See you soon!”

Eunsook pressed the red circle on her phone. Same words, different feeling, she thought. She sighed for the umpteenth time that day when the announcement is telling her to get on the plane.

***

“Lee Eunsook!!”

Junghee already shouting when there’s still around 100 meter distance between them. Minho can only chuckle and try so hard covering his face while his wife embarrassing themselves. She beams right away when she saw Junghee jumps around flailing her arms, looks like a very excited five years old.

“Oh my good grace! Finally!”

Minho automatically takes Eunsook’s luggage from her hand when he saw Junghee hugged her excessively.

“You’re killing me, woman!”

But Junghee doesn’t care because she understand what Eunsook had been through.

“Let’s go! I’ve cooked your favorite dish!”

She doesn’t allow Eunsook to have time to think again for she’s afraid her best friend would feel lonelier after she released her from the embrace.  

“Fried chicken?”

Her lips pouting immediately, “Your second favorite, then.”

“Seafood?”

“What the hell, Lee Eunsook! Italy changed you!”

“I always love fried chicken and seafood!”

“Whatever! You need to eat! A lot! I don’t like be friend with a walking skeleton!”

“Can you see my thighs are bigger than yours?”

Junghee just ran faster to the exit direction, preventing them to recognize the full brim on her eyes.

“What have she cooked, actually?” Eunsook can’t help but ask Minho while they walked side by side.

“The whole restaurant.”

“What?!”

Minho laughed when he saw Eunsook’s eyes doubled their size, “You know it’s her way to comfort people around her.”

“I know.”

“And she wanted only the best for her best friend. If you know what I mean.”

“And I know exactly what you mean.”

“You okay now?”

Minho’s voice sounds concerned and he didn’t even try to hide it, “Taemin called me. He said you’ve been weeping like a trooper’s widow. I’m quoting, here. Not my own words.”

“That ungrateful traitor. It was two months ago. I’m doing great ever since.”

He turned his face to seek for the truth on her eyes but Eunsook is too smart to hang the poker face perfectly.

“Come on, or your wife will kill both of us.”

Minho shrugged, remembers very well how Junghee stomped around the house cursing for hours when she knew the reason why Jungsoo told her how he felt, a week after Eunsook’s birthday.

***

“So you will back to Italy?”

“I think so. My boss doesn’t have the guts to keep me on the office with only my study visa. He already did his best to let me extend my internship for one more semester, though. Now I have no more reason to postpone my graduation. So, yeah, I will be back to Italy next month and graduate in October.”

“If only it’s easy to get a job in Netherlands, I would ask you to move here.”

Eunsook chuckles and takes another sip of the beer, “No need to worry, baby. I’ve applied for some job in London. Their response’s so far so good.”

“I really hope you got this one!”

She raised her eyebrow when she caught Junghee is half squealing, “Why? So I’d forget everything about him?”

Caught red handed, Junghee gulped down her wine quickly.

“Well, 80% yes.”

“And the rest?”

“So I get to visit you in London! That would be amazing! Junghee and Eunsook take London down the sequel!”

Eunsook doesn’t need to be told to crack on huge laughter. Back then, after their high school graduation, they decided to take a gap year and went to London to learn better English. Eunsook, while taking a part time as staff in museum on weekend, started the class right away since her father already arranged everything on the institute for her. Junghee on the other hand, ditch the English class for studying painting and working in a restaurant at night instead. But that’s how she met Minho who happened to be a part time student taking night shifts there.

“Why you always get the best part when it comes to London?”

“Life is a choice, honey. You can be a traveler but you’re too cool so you choose to be a designer.”

“It’s not fair.”

“Everything is fair in love and war.”

“And what’s from that has thing to do here?”

“I don’t know.. I think I’m already drunk.”

The two best friends start to laugh again, immersed with the each-other-life-catching-up-session, they aren’t aware Minho is already by the door, sweater on and keys in hand.

“Baby, I’m going.”

“Oh! What?! Where?”

“I’m picking Kibum up. It’s raining and he’s afraid it will ruin his equipment.”

Both checks the window and found out its pouring hard outside, “Oh I didn’t realize.”

“Who will realize if they’re too excited interrogating Eunsook?” She’s jutting her mouth and Minho kissed her goodbye, “We’ll grab some drink after and be back soon!!”

Junghee’s shooing her husband away and when she’s back to her best friend, the latter knits her brows together, clueless all over her face.

“Who is Kibum?”

“Ah! I forget to tell you! He’s the guy who’s currently living in the other room.”

“And who’s the guy that currently living in the other room?”

Junghee bursts out in an un-ladylike laughter and Eunsook’s getting more annoyed, “Sorry, baby. Well, Kibum and I went to middle school together. He’s happened to be Minho’s neighbor back in Seoul. He was searching for a temporary place to stay when we put the ads of the vacant room online. He’s a photographer and has some project here for his indie magazine. So, yeah.”

“So, yeah?”

She rolled her eyes, “I mean, I know it’s my bad, I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you this before. But you’re okay with this, right?”

Actually Eunsook is not that comfortable because she’s the only one who doesn’t know this Kibum guy. And since middle school, she realized she hates being an outcast since she’s quite awkward with new people.

“Well, this is your house, so…”

Knowing the nature of her best friend, Junghee jumped a bit on her seat, “Don’t worry, baby! He’s a really nice guy. You’ll like him in no time, I promise. He’s too busy anyway, so I guess it’s rarely you’ll meet him in the house.”

“Whatever.”

Eunsook muttered almost silently and thank God Junghee didn’t catch this one.

***

“Any idea what you gonna do today?”

Junghee dropped pile of pancakes on Eunsook’s plate, making the latter’s eyes filled with happiness. Warmth of jolly brought Junghee beaming so wide, after all, seeing her best friend still her best friend, a girl who appreciates simple things and turns it into happiness.

“Have no plan. I just bought the ticket, packed my stuff, and flew here. No itinerary, no schedule. I’m a complete blank paper now.”

“Good!” Junghee took a place in front of her and started her own breakfast, “We should go shopping today! It’s been so long since I bought new shoes.”

“Then what do you call those brown leathery goods you purchased last month, love?”

Minho rests his arm across her shoulder while take the seat.

“That’s because it was on sale! And it came in a set with yours! I got that because we couldn’t buy it separately if we want the sale price, Mister!”

“For God’s sake! It’s not even nine! Can you both let others have a quiet breakfast?”

Eunsook’s eyes darted to the stair at the corner, and she became restless out of nowhere. A tall guy with pale face paces down, dark hair bounced fluffily like a black cotton candy with each step. Those skinny jeans seemed too tight on his long limbs but he balanced it somehow with an oversized t-shirt.  He walked pass them to grab some coffee as if Eunsook is not there.

“This is my house and I can do whatever I want, dude.”

Minho throws a grapefruit to his direction which the latter luckily caught it.

“I will kill you if you made me drop my cup. That lady next to you will voluntary skin me alive if I messed up her kitchen!”

“You deserved that?”

Three of them keep arguing and laughing while Eunsook has her lips sealed, trying to enjoy her pancakes peacefully, ignoring the scene happened there even though she knew it’s getting hard for her to swallow each bite since the bright room suddenly is too suffocating.

Until Kibum realized he’s a stranger to someone. He gave Junghee a hint with his chin and she makes a voiceless ‘O’.

“Eunsook-ah! This is the guy I told you about. Kibum, this is my best friend Eunsook. She will stay here for vacation. And I will not only skin you but sell your flesh to the market if you dare to make a move on her.”

Eunsook almost spilled out the coffee inside her mouth, she tosses the closest napkin to Junghee’s face which luckily dodged it very well.

“And you only blame me while it’s also your fault for having a friend who is too pretty?” he stretched out her hand to Eunsook, “Kim Kibum. Nice to meet you, and please ignore Junghee whenever she said bad things about me. She still holds grudge since middle school because I grew 12 centimeters taller than her.”

“Lee Eunsook. Don’t worry, she’s too loud I already cover my ears the second she’s about to open her mouth.”

A beautiful curve formed on her face, she smiled so bright Kibum got dizzy for a moment. There’s something so soft touched his heart and he’s pretty sure it’s related to those fluffy rosy cheeks.

“Can you stop hogging my friend’s hand like that?!”

Minho let out a poisonous laughter because he understands why Kibum acts like that. Eunsook herself is already crimson red when Kibum retreat his hand.

“See?! This is your fault, Kim Junghee.”

“You are the one who cannot control your thirst!”

“Forgive me, princess,” he cocked his head to Eunsook, “But your friend really has wild mouth. I can’t resist slapping her sometimes.”

“Oh, please be my guest! Since I have no heart to harm her even though she deserved it.”

Junghee balled her fist when Kibum and Eunsook join the force through a friendly high five, leaving Minho with no option than console her by kissing the side of her head.

“Don’t worry, I still love you, baby.”

“You better be!” she then kissed Minho which the latter complied.

Eunsook naturally can only pull out a bitter smile. The scene happened in front of her, it would be hers six months ago. She would be exactly like her best friend, in love and beloved.

Whilst Minho and Junghee are busy in their own bubble, Kibum didn’t fail to catch the changed expression on Eunsook. But he’d rather to shake it off than ask her further question or make sure she’s alright which might too rude for a new acquaintance.

“Go back to your room if you want to continue for the second round! This view is polluting my precious eyes.”

“I said this is my house, Kim Kibum.”

With that Minho continued peppering his wife with kisses all over her face which makes Kibum decided to imitate puking voice that surprisingly makes Eunsook chuckled.

Once again, something soft tickling Kibum’s heart.

***

Sometimes, we just don’t realize we will meet the one, do we? Love after all, is a beautiful thinking that we probably only dream about until the tiniest detail of each counterpart, but turned us to be so oblivious when it brought into reality. Isn’t it pretty amazing? :)

—————-

“Let’s go check.”

Gwiboon clutched the end of his t-shirt while Jinki snatched the baseball bat behind the wardrobe.

“What if it ghost?”

Jinki stopped for a while, hand’s hanging on the air while he turned to see his wife behind who now looks like ready to eat someone alive.

“Are you stupid or what?! You should be worried about someone trespassing your house and not some bullshit from horror movie!”

After one good slap on his back, they continue tip-toeing toward the kitchen where the noise is getting more obvious.

“Jonghyun?”

When Jinki switched on the light, a seven years old boy looked surprise, quickly got up from the floor where he was sitting in front of the washing machine, a flashlight on his left hand.

“Dad!”

“What are you doing here, Sweety?” Gwiboon walked closer to check what exactly happening while Jinki chuckled on the door frame, the bat is long forgotten next to the wall.

“I am.. uh.., I––“

“Are you washing something?”

The little kid just nods weakly, feet fidgeting nervously.

“Are you wetting your bed?”

He shook his head rapidly, slightly feel offended by the words.

“I am seven, Mom!”

“Then what are you washing? Why so late?”

“Because.. Umm,” Jonghyun’s hesitating and looking at his Dad for mental support and when Jinki smile, the little kid turned into crimson red, “IamwashingmysweaterbecauseIwanttowearittomorrow!!!”

“What? Can you speak a little bit slow? I couldn’t catch that.”

“I am washing my sweater, Mom.”

“Your sweater? Which one?”

“The one that Dad got me for my birthday. The blue one.”

“You mean the one that you’ve been wearing the whole week?”

He nods again, then keeps his head low.

“I don’t know that you love it so much, Buddy. We can go this weekend to buy another one with different color, but now, why don’t we go back to sleep? Hmmm?” Jinki kneeled down to make their eyes on the same level.

“No, Dad! I need to washed it now, I spilled my chocolate milk on it, and.. and Mom said that we have to wash the clothes as soon as possible if it happened before the stain stayed forever!”

“Oh, baby.. No, don’t worry, I’m not gonna be angry to you just because you spilled the milk on your clothes. Now shall we go head to the bed?”

“But.. but I want to wear it in the morning, Mom!”

“You can wear the other sweater, Jong.. Why don’t you wear the red one with hoodie?”

Jonghyun’s eyes look weary, he bite his lips before he speaks again, “You don’t understand, Mom! I need to wear this sweater!”

Jinki sense something off, he sits in front of Jonghyun, hands rest on his tiny shoulder, trying to lure the boy to stop the ruckus and let everyone back to sleep peacefully.

“Hey, Buddy. Do you want to tell me why you need to wash your sweater at one in the morning?”

“I told you I spilled my milk on it, Dad!”

“And may I ask again why you need to wash it by yourself and not put it in the laundry bag like usual?”

“Because I want to wear it again. I need to wear it again!”

“Why you need to wear it again? Are you not allowed to wear another sweater?”

“It’s because.. Uh, because..”

“Hmmm?”

“If I tell you the reason, you promise not be angry?”

Gwiboon’s gaping in thought of her son is being bullied or caught in a trouble at the school.

“Why would I be angry if my son being honest with me?”

“There’s this girl in my class..”

Jinki turned his head to Gwiboon which the later cannot help holding her smile.

“She said I looked good with the blue sweater and I should wear it everyday because I kind of cool in it.”

Gwiboon turns into jelly, her heart melts right away by the story revealed from his tiny mouth, “Oh, Baby. Why don’t you tell me earlier? I can help you clean it after dinner.”

“I am afraid you will be mad at me. I am sorry, Dad, Mom.”

“I will be mad if you hiding something from me again in the future, Kiddo. Now would you go back to sleep?”

“But what about my sweater, Dad?”

“I’m sorry to tell you, but I’m quite sure it would be still damp in the morning even though we already dried it, Buddy.”

The disappointment look on his face makes the smile on Gwiboon’s falter.

“Don’t worry about that, I will help you to pick another sweater that would be as cool as the blue one. Do you know her favorite color?”

Jonghyun’s eyes got its sparks again and Jinki couldn’t help beaming into the scene.

“Minjung said she loves blue! And white! Do I have white sweater, Mom?!”

Gwiboon is not sure but it’s almost two and she’s done for little drama so she just nods, “I think I saw it somewhere when I folded your clothes but let me double check again in the morning, okay?”

“But I have a white sweater, right, Mom?”

“I never doubt my memory, Honey! Now go back to your bed, will you?”

“You are the best! I need to look cool because we will have crafting class today and Minjung and I will be in the same group!”

“I’ll take note of that! Off to your bed, Champ!”

Jonghyun’s smile almost splits his face into two. He gave a kiss on Jinki’s and Gwiboon’s check before dashed off to his room.

“What a nice episode for home-welcoming,” Jinki stretched his back while Gwiboon setting the timer on the washing machine.

“I never believed when people said you and Jonghyun is an exact copy for each other until today.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

She just smiled, closed the gap between them and reached Jinki’s lips while her mind wander to ten years ago when she met him for the first time with his green t-shirt which he wore it a week straight after Gwiboon said he looks cute in it.

“I love you too much I will let you slide this time,” Jinki murmured on her lips while his hand secured on her waist.

“Jonghyun already gave you his welcome present. Should I give you mine now?”

Gwiboon’s sulking on her own, stomping her feet while moving and trying so hard avoiding Jinki’s eyes. Most people would get boring easily if the opposite person they talked to is ignoring them. But Jinki, Jinki’s definitely not most people. He enjoyed his time there looking at working hard Gwiboon. She loved whatever she’s doing and that sends him lots of strange feeling. A good strange feeling.

He pulled out the little sketch book he always had on his pocket, snatching a pencil from Gwiboon’s desk and starts copying her side view on it. Every single hair strands, neckline, her jaw, all are drawn perfectly in such limited time. While he enjoying the sight before him to complete his quick doodles, his phone’s buzzing madly, ruining the tranquil air wrapped them.

“Yes, Jinki’s speaking! Oh, Mr. Kim! What can I help this time?”

Gwiboon tried so hard not to eavesdropping but the struggle is real when the only sounds ringing in the room is his clear voice.

“Really? That’s great! Really really great! Thanks for calling me in advance! I’m already at the university don’t worry, I’m heading to your office now.”

He’ll be gone soon. Why does this feel not right?

“No, it’s okay. I’ll see you in a moment. Thank you very much once again!”

When the conversation seemed finished, Gwiboon can hear Jinki’s huffing to the atmosphere and she sense disappointment out of him. Through the small mirror steady on her desk, she can see he shuffled on his seat and ready to leave.

“Gwiboon.”

“Hmm.”

“I need to go right now. But I’ll definitely back aft–– “

“This design needs to be delivered to the board at lunch.”

“Whatever. I’ll see you later! Good luck with the mannequin! I love the lace color.”

“It’s not lace. It’s embroidery.”

But Jinki’s already dashed outside the room when Gwiboon finished her words. And the room feels emptier than ever when not even his trace of perfume stayed there. She shrugged her shoulder and moved to the end of her desk to measure some ribbon. That’s about the time she found a paper alone near the corner.

‘You know what this girl needs? A smile on her face. Because the Kim Gwiboon I know is way much prettier when she smiles. Mind to let me know how the design goes? :)’

Under her flawless portrait on the paper, Jinki wrote his number. Seeing that, her soul had been taken away in between excitement and sorrow.

***

“They love it! Two of them are presented earlier on the next board meeting and they assigned me to fill the first walk and also the last.”

“Who is this?”

“You said you want to know how the design goes!”

He put down the cigarette and kept it back inside its box while his face turned into a blossoming rose, “Gwiboon?”

“Who do you expect?!”

“I just surprised, I thought you won’t calling me.”

“Me too.”

Long pause fill up the awkwardness between them, until Jinki tried to break it, “So it means you’ll stay in the studio until midnight again?”

“Guess so. I can only go to the studio on Wednesday and Friday. And Saturday morning. But lots of detail needs to be finished.”

“Why don’t you go there every day? Working two or three hours after the class won’t hold you to go back early, well, at least not until midnight,” Jinki being his original himself, trying to make everything more bearable with a better schedule.

“The other day I got a bis – never mind.”

“What?”

“It’s not only me on the studio! I don’t want people take a look at my design! It’s not finished yet! It looks like people caught me naked.”

“I’ve visited you yesterday, so that meant I saw you naked?”

“You pervert head hog!”

Long haul of laughter spread through the line, not only to Gwiboon’s ear, but also to her heart. It feels great. It feels like home.

“You are the one who said that. I just emphasize the possibility. No, I just made a confirmation. Not my fault.”

“Cut it off.”

“As you wish.”

“What are you doing?”

“Me? Smoking.”

“And cut that off too! It’s bad for you!”

“I’m not even had a chance to light it up! Your call was kind of interrupting.”

“That’s good. I’ll make sure to call you every two or three days to check on you. Just so you know, the nicotine stays in your lips.”

“How do you know? You’re not even smoking!”

“I can taste it the other time.”

Warmth fills up his hollow chest. He spent the entire week to work on his final project and help Taemin writing some lyrics to his performance. To sum it up, he’s exhausted as hell. But listening to the words leaving Gwiboon’s lips, he felt like he could climb another mountain right now.

“Oh are you sure? Want to double check it again?”

Jinki is not even next to her, but still, she got blushed all over her cheeks, “You and your pervert brain can spend entire years in hell!”

He cracks right away, “I’ll stop by every Wednesday and Friday then.”

“Nah, you got your own thing to finish. I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, you’ll be fine and I won’t. You’ll never know how it feels to be a man coming home before dinner and knowing the woman he cares about still out there doing things for a living.”

Her throat strangled by invisible rope. Silence cut everything Gwiboon’s trying to say.

“So yeah, see you next Friday?”

“Oh,” she finally got her mind back in the system, “Well, whatever. Just don’t back up right away after you found it boring. I won’t entertain you at all, busy stuff.”

“How can I get bored with you, seriously?”

And since that weekend, after his studio’s finished, he brought his laptop and sketch book, dragged his feet to the farthest building at the university. He just sat there and continued clicking here and there, sometimes peeking over Gwiboon and just looking at her when his eyes got tired staring at the screen nonstop.

Sometimes Gwiboon already waiting with a packed dinner for him. Sometimes Jinki pushed the studio’s door a little bit late, with her favorite coffee set in hand.

Sometimes Jinki is too lazy to make a presentation layout and just enjoying Gwiboon’s side view. Sometimes Gwiboon not touching her works at all and just peeking on his screen or capturing his serious face with her Polaroid.

***

And with that, people start talking again. They talk when Gwiboon stopped by to architect’s department studio design both hand carried packed lunch. When she dropped one on Jinki’s desk and the other to his brother’s. They talk when Jinki’s board shoulders appeared so often in the fashion design department. When he casually ruffled Gwiboon’s hair after the class and they went together to Jinki’s basement.

Nobody needs another radio announcement or neon box advertising to notice they are seeing each other. Minho and Taemin don’t even bother to confirm, as well. But they are not Jonghyun.

“You doing well, lately?”

“Hmmm.”

It’s dinner time in their house and the second week of the month, Gwiboon’s home and Jonghyun found his chance to ask her about all those rumor he had been buzzed off.

“Your project is okay?”

“It’s great,” she shoved another pile of beef salad in her mouth, eyes keep staring to her phone.

“I’ve been heard some gossips.”

“It’s gossip. You know you shouldn’t listen to that crap.”

“Well, I won’t listen if that’s not about you.”

“It’s always about me, huh?” she put down her phone, eyes locked with her brother, “Which one do you trust? Those stupid people or me?”

“I trust my friends Gwiboon.”

“So you don’t believe me because I am apparently not one of your friend?”

“Jinki is my friend.”

“So? Did he tell you something?”

“He didn’t. That’s why I asked you.”

“Your logic is not pretty good sometimes.”

“It is pretty good when half of your classmate said that your sister and your friend making out here and there around the campus.”

She shot her head up and what she found makes her writhing silently. Jonghyun’s not angry. Jonghyun looks care.

“Are you going out with him?”

“Sometimes.”

“Are you dating him?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not the answer I want to hear, Gwiboon.”

“I really don’t know, Jong! We don’t define what is this happened between me and your friend!” Gwiboon finds it hard to just say Jinki’s name like that, “Not everyone smart enough or brave enough to call it something, you know!”

She’s tossing the fork on her hand to the plate, appetite gone in flash. Jonghyun didn’t tilt his head a bit, making Gwiboon more uncomfortable with the atmosphere.

“This is my friend, Gwiboon. You don’t just like people and hanging out with them without checking them whether you’re on the same page and then after you got bored you just left! I’ve told you since the beginning. Jinki’s my friend! He’s a nice guy!”

“And you think I don’t deserve nice guy? You think the best choice that I could have is random guy who treat me like a whore or someone who’s sexist enough to go to jail?! Am I that low in your eyes, Jong?”

When Jonghyun saw her all torn and sincere, he mentally burns himself in hell, “It’s not like that, Gwiboon.”

“It’s always been like that! Being judgmental and hating every single thing I’ve done! I don’t know where exactly my fault is. And I can’t even like a guy whose kind enough to bring me a cup of coffee in the middle of night without asking anything after that?”

“Kim Gwiboon, listen to me.”

“No, you listen to me, brother of mine. I am as afraid as you of losing him if something unwanted happened in the future between me and him. If you care enough all this time, I am not as cold as bitch that you pictured of me in your head. I have no one to run whenever all those gibberish that you called gossip is way too far and ridiculously make no sense to handle. But he’s there. Suddenly he’s there, doesn’t even care about all those craps and still give me the perfect genuine smile even when my own brother doubts me.”

“Gwiboon, it’s no—“

“It’s not like that? Is that what you want to say?”

“I told you to listen to me!” this time Jonghyun started to lose his temper and raised his voice, shut Gwiboon down right away, “Jinki is my friend. You know that. He is a person that I care a lot, as much as I care about you.”

Gwiboon looks she’s not ready with everything that he had in mind.

“Yes, Kim Gwiboon. All this feud and everything we had doesn’t stop me to care of you. Never in a million way, and because of that reason alone, have I known that this time is different than before. Different than all those bastard trying to hook up with you. And that’s the reason why I have no heart to let you ruin yourself.”

“I don’t see your point.”

“Jinki is going to graduate soon. And who the hell knows what would he did after that, he might go to the end of the world to do another volunteer work or being busy in his new office. He’s going to leave eventually. And I don’t want you to feel to be left behind again. Not after what I did to you.”

So Jonghyun has no idea about me leaving the university?

Gwiboon bite her lips, contemplating whether he should tell Jonghyun the truth or not.

“Jong,” the latter is surprised, it’s been so long since Gwiboon called him that way, “I don’t care he might leave next month, or next year, or maybe tomorrow. At this point I don’t even care if what’s going on between me and him right now is real. This is new for me, as you said before, yes, I admit that this is different than before.”

“Gwiboon, how many times should I tell you, I don’t care about you might hurt him, it’s the opposite that I am worried now. The fact that he might hurt you when he left.”

“If that what is your concern, I’ll make sure I’m the one who left him and not the other way.”

“Kim Gwiboon, this is not a game.”

No, it’s not, Jong. I am the one who’s going to leave him and might break his heart. I am the criminal.

“You know I don’t play game. Thank you for your concern, but I think I’m old enough to play safe and handle my feeling.”

Gwiboon wiped her mouth quickly and retreated to her room before Jonghyun stopped her for another argument. Before her tears spilled out the brim of her eyes.

I’m sorry, Jong. I didn’t mean to make you lose him when I did.

***

“Can you move a little bit?”

Jinki shifted closer to Gwiboon instead further away, forcing the latter gritted her teeth. He broke into huge laughter before peck her cheek and gave her the space she needed.

“What the heck?”

“I’m sorry, but your upset expression is my new Achilles heels now. I just can’t help myself about that.”

“You need to do something about that. I am begging you. Before all these girls broke into my locker and burn everything inside, ruined the whole project that I’m working on.”

“And you need to stop imagining something. It’s not gonna happened and it’s not healthy.”

She cocked her head to the side, Jinki grins like a five year old with sugar rush.

“Let me tell you something. I’ve been received dead animals on my studio’s desk. I got calls from unknown number threating to kill me every once in a week because apparently I am a bitch and they are fucking coward without balls and guts. But now, I have some important business to take care before the beginning of the next month. So. Can you not?”

“Not what?”

“Not doing exactly what could wake up their inner hyena to do all those stupid stuffs I just mentioned!”

“Like this?”

He closed the distance once again and rested his lips on her cupid bow ones, pushed back every argument hanging on the tip of her tongue.

“Love birds!! Get a room!!”

They parted and turned to the source of annoying voice just to fins Taemin beaming into wide smirk across the hall.

“Mind your own business, kiddo!”

Jinki shouted to his brother who rolled his eyes before he continued walking to the direction of the library.

“I am so done with you!”

“Really? That fast?”

He darted his eyes to down south and Gwiboon’s cheeks cannot hide the blushed anymore.

“Creepy old pervert! I’m leaving!”

Jinki cracks on the spot but not losing his chance to grab her wrist, stopping her for going somewhere else.

“Can you stay for another 15 minutes?”

“I have an appointment with my supplier and you said you need to fix the structure calculation before this weekend. And also..”

“Also?”

She sighs while slipped the straps of the bag on her shoulder, “Jonghyun might be here anytime. Just like Taemin.”

“So what?”

“He is your best friend!”

“And he’s your brother.”

“Who doesn’t even care that I’m exist.”

“Kim Gwiboon.”

“Lee Jinki.”

“Are you keep it secret from Jonghyun?”

“No, he already knew.”

“So?”

“I just don’t want to make everything more complicated. And awkward. I’m doing you a favor here.”

“Gwiboon, I don’t need your help. I’m okay.”

“But I’m not.”

Both of them are sinking into silence. And without asking, Gwiboon understands how disappointed Jinki at this second.

“Jinki, all my life has been a cold war. I know this is hard and too much to ask, but I hope you have a big heart on it. For once in my life, I want to forget everything and believe only on the reality that I want to acknowledge.”

“I understand. But if you just want to care about what you believe, why you bother to care about other’s opinion?”

“Because I care about you.”

He couldn’t believe what he just heard. When he shot his head up, the girl in front of him looks so vulnerable.

“I’ll see you on Friday. Good luck with the structure stuff.”

And she just walked away, not giving him a chance to hug her or even bid goodbye.

***

Two people lying on a dark indigo fluffy carpet while their head on the bed, or more like thick mattress, with their mind wander in their own track. Above them, a simple handmade pendant lamp is hanging on the open wooden structure ceiling. Sun’s seeping through the small window, making a great shadow on the wall beside which occupied by tall wooden cabinet where books and zombies figurines march neatly.  

What makes Gwiboon loves to spend her time here is not only because of the slanted eyes boy is laying next to her, busy reading a quite thick book. The atmosphere inside this sanctuary soothing her mind, high ceiling released her stressed feeling inside her chest.

“You should put something green on that cabinet.”

“Hmmm.”

“Small succulent in colorful pot won’t hurt.”

“I have no time taking care of any plant.”

“Cactus only need water every one or two weeks, idiot.”

When her elbows stick onto his ribs, he could only flinch, but not planning to stop reading or whatsoever.

“Tell me three things I don’t know about you.”

This time, she got his attention. He put down the book on his stomach and turned his head to his right just to find Gwiboon staring right to the ceiling, fingers intertwined resting on her chest.

He chuckled then, discarded the book and rolled himself, supporting his head with one arm, the free one decided to play with Giwboon’s fringe, “What kind of thing?”

“Anything. Something secret. Something special that only you and your family know. Or even something you kept for yourself.”

“Hmmm. Let’s see,” Gwiboon leaned to her side so she’s currently facing Jinki, tint pink smudged on her cheek, “But in exchange you need to tell me three things about you.”

“Okay.”

“Promise?”

She smirked then lifted her head a bit so her pouty lips can land perfectly on Jinki’s full ones, “Promise.”

As if hypnotized by her action, he opened his secret drawer right away, “I’ve dyed my hair pink.”

For Gwiboon, even though Jinki’s well known in their circle, she still presume the latter is someone with reserve personality and far for her wild imagination.

“You would never pull it off. No way.”

“Yes way. But it only last for maybe around four months? Or five? I don’t remember,” he picked his phone and roamed to his gallery, “It’s about the same time when Taemin decided to turn his hair purple.”

“I bet you looked so sexy back then,” Gwiboon stretched her hand to brush Jinki’s hair which then the latter stopped her hand with his mischievous grin.

“Nothing beat you when it comes to being sexy.”

She rolled her eyes but failed to hide her blush, “Stop being cheesy! Now facts number two!’

Jinki could only laugh and messed up her front bangs again, a new habit he developed lately whenever the latter around, “When I was in Brazil, I wasn’t exactly live there for three months.”

“What do you mean?”

“I stayed in Argentina for a month and two other weeks in Chile.”

“Wow.”

“You do fascinated by that?”

“No, not even slightly. But the fact all of your fans out there assumed you’re volunteering slash surviving in the heart of Amazon forest for three whole months is indeed really fascinating.”

“Which fans? I’m not even famous in my department.”                

“I’m actually at the point feeling confused whether you are too naïve or too cocky. Then can you explain why people were extremely happy when the rumor about you ditched me broke out?”

Gwiboon’s heart almost dropped to the ground when Jinki’s eyes torn a bit before kissed her nose in flash, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s their right to hate me. I am not that kind either to them,” she tried so hard to shrug his concern, “Now the last one.”

“This is embarrassing.”

“As long as it’s not you telling you’ve been stay behind the bars, I’m okay with that!”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I am not that wild. It’s happened when I’m on 5th grade. I once cried when I got 2nd place in the class.”

And when the girl next to him burst into one massive laugh, he could only blast sheepish smile as his cheeks felt a lot warmer than it supposed to be.

“Now’s your turn.”

“Lee Jinki, the best model student ever, everyone!”

“Enough with me,” Jinki’s sulking and leaned back again to the carpet, hands folded in front of him like a five year old, “I told you that’s embarrassing. Taemin has been mocking me my whole life. You better not join force with him.”

“But that is so cute. I can imagine you, cheeks puffing, eyes almost gone, bawling secretly on your bed, face drenched with tears.”

“I wish I hadn’t told you that!”

“That means you’re human, baby,” she placed both her hands to his cheeks and turned his face to make those eyes level with hers, “I was a nerd, too. I have no friend besides Jonghyun and my books until middle school.”

“There’s no such thing in the world.”

“You can check it out. Ask Jonghyun. But probably he would say nothing and telling you that you’re wasting your time.”

“Let’s say it’s true, what else?”

“I’m closer to my grandmother than to my parents,” her throat suddenly felt a lot drier.

“I guess that happened to Jonghyun, too.”

“How do you know that?”

Jinki’s smile looks so sincere plastered on his glowing face, “Both of you are alike more than you realize. And choosing to stay in the dorm rather in your own house? That should at least speak something.”

“Seriously, you don’t stalk him behind my back, do you?”

“Don’t be jealous, baby,” he winked and got his forehead flicked by Gwiboon, “Is your life that boring? I need to hear something ridiculous.”

“I’m not a superstar like you. My life is full of hate and judgment.”

“Not stupid things like wet your pants? Stealing your parent’s money to buy new Barbie? Or got into fight with some other bitches?”

“I’m leaving soon, Jinki. And there’s no way whatever happened between us gonna last.”

Those words are already hanging at the tip of her tongue. However, when she’s looking at Jinki, those warm coffee color orbs shut her down, threaten her with the most horrible moment when finally their times together ruined.

“Fine. But promise me you won’t laugh at me?”

This time, Jinki’s the one who pecked her lips, “Promise.”

“I took my dog as my high school prom date.”

“Well, the story about an ugly duckling turned into swan is not a joke.”

She slapped his arm hard, “You promise not to laugh!”

“Am I looked like I’m laughing now?!” Gwiboon is pouting but she’s struggling not to laugh at the moment, “Is there no one to ask back then?”

“Minho and I broke up two weeks before prom. He got a new girl and I had no one. So I made a tuxedo for my dog and bring him to the party.”

“And that’s what we called secret. I always thought you are this popular chick everybody adores since you were young.”

“I told you I was a nerd, an outcast who suddenly decided to become a spoiler brat and selfish bitch. I think Minho is the only friend I keep until now.”

“You can keep me, though.”

“How can I keep everyone’s favorite just for myself?” Gwiboon turns her head ahead, staring back to the ceiling, “I’m done being selfish. I don’t think I can do that.”

“Being selfish is okay sometimes. You said we’re human, right?”

She closed her eyes when she caught by the corner of her eyes, Jinki fixed his eyes on her, “We are like a group of dysfunctional people,” she blurted out once he’s back to Jinki.

“I don’t think so,” he played with her hair again, leaned a bit and tuck it behind her ear and making Gwiboon’s almost choked with his sweet scent in such distance, “I’m about to finish my final project then started my master degree soon. And just so you know, this ding dong here is working rather fine lately.”

Jinki looked down and bashfully grinned making Gwiboon slapped him once again, “It’s not what I mean, pervert!!”

It’s hard not to be flustered by such a comment. Especially when she realized her heart beat faster whenever Jinki made that face, the ridiculously adorable dork, literally Jinki’s being himself.

“Most people get to know each other first. Then when they feel like it, they kissed. And probably make out. But we’re having it backwards. We kissed. Some unintentionally, some planned, well, we kiss a lot just to sum up. Then later on, here we are, peeling out ourselves layer by layer.”

“Well, we aren’t common people at the first place, just in case you forgot.”

She really could just sigh, “What are we, really?”

Jinki shifted uncomfortable before convinced himself this is what both of them wanted at this moment, “Two people enjoying each other presence and silently hoping time would just stop like this.”

Gwiboon sighed, maybe too loud, making Jinki frowns again, mind battling whether he said the wrong thing or not.

“You’re right. Maybe I just want to stay like this forever.”

“Staring at the ceiling?”

“Of course not, stupid,” She turned and caressed his cheek in a slow motion, “Feeling you breathing next to me just to make sure I am not alone.”

His hand wrapped hers and dragged it right onto his chest, “You will never be alone again as long as you let me be around you.”

Two or three months ago, Gwiboon might be bet all of her possession to hear Jinki said such things like this. But when he’s finally here, not only looking to her direction, but also give her the best smile she ever seen and hold her hand so tight, she actually wanted to mop her heart and curse the universe for playing with her feeling and time.

Mostly to the time for being such a tease.

“Promises are made to be broken.”

“Wanna bet?”

Before Gwiboon could retail some words in her mind, Jinki’s lips already pressed to hers. Slow and careful, delicate like a ballerina, they’re dancing with her soft flesh, step by step tickling her heart. She gave up under his touch and returned the favor, kissing him back. This time inside her head, fireworks do appear. But they explode together with dynamite, one to another.

They parted away when both of them lack of air, but apparently Jinki doesn’t give her time to rest her heart by sneaking his hand under her back, scooping her a little so their chests pressed tighter than before and his full lips back to claim her pouty ones.

“Jinx, what if this is just a dream?”

“Then I refused to wake up.”

“I mean it. What if, suddenly we were apart?”

“I’ve been there and it tortures every possible part of me. I won’t cross that path again, Gwiboon.”

“That’s not answering my question.”

“Are you seeing another man right now?”

“What? No!”

“Your parents set you into some arranged marriage?”

“Of course not!”

“Are you dying?”

“Jinki, you are nuts! I’m not sick!”

“Then everything can wait. But not this.”

His face is completely hovering hers now. And Gwiboon barely sane to compose anything in her mind.

***

The pain stings her head disturbed her sleep, force her to flex opened the feline eyes and move her damned limb. However, the view that greets her is way far from familiar. Outlining the sun ray seeped into the cold room with her barely functional eyes, she realized she’s not in her dorm. Or in her home.

“…”

The lump covered by the grey blanket on her left moving up and down in a sluggishly pace. She unwrapped herself extra carefully not to make sound more than 10 decibel. But the room is too poor lit when she left the mattress to find her blouse. So after 10 minutes of groping on the dark, she gave up and head to the wardrobe – the only thing she remembered where’s it located – and grabbed pair of boxer and random t-shirt.

Thank God her jeans are still visible enough to be discovered. Tiptoeing, she snatched her shoes, phone, and purse in one go before reaching the door, slowly pulled it and slipped herself in less than 30 cm opening, closed it really slowly in an attempt to not produce any noise that might wake up the owner of the house.

“Good morning, Princess,” her heart dropped to the ground and Taemin just raised his mug to salute her, successfully making her failed miserably to avoid the walk of shame parade, “Going somewhere?”

“Can you lower your voice?”

“Why do I need to tone down my voice in my own house? Do I look like a thief?”

“Ssstt! You might wake up everyone, you idiot!”

“The only one that hasn’t woken up is my brother behind that door. I already feed Eve and my mom already went to the market and back.”

“Your Mom’s home?!”

“Why wouldn’t she?” he laughs since he knew why she screamed and more because Gwiboon’s terrorized face is too funny, triggers him to mess with her even further, “I wonder what happened last night that makes both of you woke up so late. My brother didn’t throw a party inside his room, did he?”

“Lee Taemin..”

“Maybe horse riding? You know when someone sit on the top and move up and down, back and forth… “

Her face is now more crimson than ripe tomato.

“…on the track. But we don’t have horse so it’s impossible. Or midnight work out? Yeah, I guess so, my brother works out like crazy lately.”

The smile plastered on his face knocked her down without Taemin even tried so hard.

“Can you be adult for once and stop shouting?”

“Is this what you called shouting?”

“Cut it off before your Mom heard anything!”

“She’s busy cooking, she won’t hear shit even you’re moaning.”

He sent her a wink, built a nausea feeling on her tummy, “Thanks for the notes! I’m leaving!”

“Please, you know that the kitchen in our house is next to the front door right?”

Gwiboon stopped right away after only three steps.

“So when you’re on your way, don’t forget to say hi to my Mom.”

“Fuck.”

He finished his coffee and chuckles at her, “Why don’t you join us for brunch?”

What kind of idea is that? Sharing the dining table on Saturday morning with someone’s Mom that has no idea what happened behind her son’s door last night? And without taking shower? Make up?! Oh, hell no!

“No one’s care you already take a shower or not, this is Saturday morning, for God’s sake. But if you refuse to walk with me to the dining table, you can just go back to my brother’s room,” now he leaned on the wall, arms folded with his empty mug hangs at his finger, “And wait until my Mom kick that door to ask him for brunch and maybe you as well since you’re inside. How about that?”

“There’s no way your mother found me inside your brother’s room!”

“Why not? She knows you’re here anyway.”

“What?!”

“Taemin! Wake your brother and his girlfriend up! Get in here three of you before this chicken get cold! it’s not my style to serve frozen food to a guest in my house!”

Gwiboon looks like a stray puppy who waits for her death sentence when Taemin raised his brows as if he’s saying ‘I told you’.

“What should I do?!”

“Go back to that filthy room, drag my brother’s ass out, and have a really nice brunch with us. As easy as that. Besides…”

“Besides what?”

“Besides, my brother wouldn’t be pleased knowing you wandering around the city.. you know.., senza underwear.”

She covered her chest with her purse in instant and ran to the door at the end of hallway while cursing inside her head.

“I’ll see you both soon!”

She slammed the door behind her doesn’t even care whether it’s polite enough to do in other’s property.

“Why so loud in the morning?” lazy voice came from the far right of the room, Jinki sat on the mattress without anything covering his torso, bed hair all jolted here and there, try to collect all his soul, eyes squinted to Gwiboon’s direction, “Is that my t-shirt?”

***

Part 7.

Sip Coffee House is awfully crowded this noon. Though, no one minds her. Not even took a glance. Not even her favorite barista who’s currently serving coffees with four hands. Across the table on her left, a couple’s sharing a piece of cake, all gleeful and making her eyes all sore and stung. They’re all in their own bubble, have no single thought to check their surrounding where Gwiboon is fuming with envy looking at the scene.  

“Lonely, huh? So what if I am? Living miles away from my family and friends, I bet the happiest person on earth would still be lonely at some point.”

“You want to go back? My door is always open, I told you. They can’t touch you there. Well, I won’t allow them, at least.”

She knows she can do that. The plane ticket is only one click away. A brother to pick her up at the airport is only one call way. She’s not ready to what would greet her back home. Memory or reality, neither of both is appealing enough.

“True. But I can ask you or Minho come visit me whenever I want. Why bother spend hours on the plane if both of you can jump to the next flight anytime?”

“Still stubborn aren’t you?” Jonghyun dropped himself to the bed, doesn’t even bother to change into more comfortable clothes, “Well, there are some people who cannot just bolt to Chicago and knock on your door.”

“Who? These people called Mom and Dad who exiled me here? Don’t joke around. You think I still want to see them? I swear to God, I would just find a job here and never coming home. I’d probably work double to get some money so I can pay them back for all the tuition and shit I didn’t ask, but at this point I don’t really care.”

“Honey, you know I’m not talking about them.”

Jonghyun left the house and moved to a small studio apartment near the consultant he works a week after Gwiboon’s plane took off to O’Hare Airports. He made up his mind after Gwiboon told him to do anything to catch his dream, whatever he felt right, because the world would against them anyway. He had a huge fight with their Dad, exploded on the old man on how he forced his obsession on his kids. The second his father mentioned about whether he should disown him, Jonghyun laughed so hard. He was done for the night. Done for everything.

He took a break from the university since he promised he won’t use any penny from their parents and hoping to go back soon after gaining some money from the works. And here he’s now. Almost ten months of sleepless nights, finally doing what he always wanted to do. Music. His jazz club is 65% on progress, developed from his own design, his own hands. Never once he called their Dad again. Only occasionally, he called their Mom to make sure she’s healthy and let her know he’s happy with his choice.

Therefore, he didn’t lie when he said he’s not talking about them to Gwiboon.

“Then who?” Gwiboon chuckles bitterly, seemed finally aware on what he’s been hinting since a while ago, “I don’t recall I have anyone to care about besides both of you.”

“People love you more than you know, Kim Gwiboon.”

“I always know that you and Minho love me. That’s enough to keep me on the ground here.”

“You are very persistent, aren’t you?”

“Let’s say my brother taught me well.”

This time is Jonghyun’s turn to chuckle, “Alright then. It’s almost two in the morning here. I’ll call you again later. Text me if you’re not sure with the genre.”

“Right, right. Can’t wait to see you! You have no idea how I miss you.”

“Me too. Bye, Boonie!”

The phone call ends, leaving her once again with the vacant atmosphere. The coffee shop’s getting busier, some customers come and go, couples, group of friends, shuffled through the space around her since this morning, but nothing really stopped. Oh, how she desperately wished someone would stop and notice her, just like she got used to, center of attention, topic of casual discussion. She rested her back to the black chair she’s on, contemplating whether she should jump to the bus that will take her to the record store or ditch Jonghyun and wandering around Millennium Park.

It’s her day off of the school, after two intense assessment prep weeks, finally she had time to taste some fresh air.

People learn, Kim Gwiboon. This time, you learned about yourself. Love is not something you need to be afraid of. It’s something you need to embrace. It takes time to nurture, but when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Maybe this is not the time yet for yours. Don’t worry, though, soon you’ll get your turn.

Minho’s voice’s echoing inside her head. Her mind flies to the night she called him miserably crying her lungs out, frantically questioning why the whole universe conspired against her. After everything, she never believed anyone would stay for her. Not her grandmother, not Jonghyun, not even Minho. High school sweetheart is not always forever, and Minho proved it right, he broke up with her for another girl.

But Jinki burned everything down just by being Jinki. He didn’t leave, she did.

Gwiboon’s still in a constant combat with her feeling. Three months, six months, seven, eight, she started to forget how to count. Even in this complete foreign place, her mind still pondering how’s Jinki coping up with the whole commotion she created behind. She wished he would be well, happy and living his life to the fullest just like before their utterly unexpected collision. Eventually, Jinki would move on, and she’s completely aware of this kind of future waiting for her. Deep down however, she selfishly begged to the sky that at least Jinki had ten percent of her pain, for the reality of being forgotten, she still refused to accept that. 

One day after she messed her first restaurant management assignment, she rang Minho, it was 4 AM in the morning in Seoul, he cursed inaudible while tried to compose himself and collect his sanity to sit down by the edge of his bed. In her anxiety, she told him she would just call Taemin and kept everything in secret between them, she just wanted to know whether Jinki eat or not. And that’s it.

Her hope was crushed immediately when Minho lazily said the boy just moved to Japan one month prior because he got exchange scholarship and continue his study there with extra credit and double degree. Once again, Gwiboon convinced, karma took tolls on her sooner than she predicted.

She looked down to her feet which crossed by her ankles. The laces on her left foot escaped from the loose knot.

“You should stop wearing heels.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll look almost as tall as me. And I prefer someone smaller so I can keep them inside my pocket.”

“You happy now? I stop wearing heels, you stupid overly grinning sunshine.”

She muttered to herself. Some of her classmates are beautiful but they preferred to keep the aesthetic on the plates instead their appearance. No one would tell her how glowing her skin is or notice her shoes are limited edition, buried all her desire to be the usual charming Gwiboon. Studying in the class where everyone wears the particular uniform and required to stand at least twelve hours per day pushed all her heels back to the end of wardrobe.

The Old Skool Vans on her feet started to get thinner on the soles due to the excessive use.

“Here, try this one.”

“I liked the checkered one better. Why this one?”

“Because I have the exact same pair at home.”

“You mean to have what they called couple shoes?”

“If you wanted to put it that way, I don’t mind. The term of couple shoes doesn’t seem hurt.”

She can’t help but sighing so hard, trying to shed the weight on her shoulder. The ghoul inside her chest started to eat her from the inside with the trace of the unforgotten past.

“Huh. Couple shoes my ass.”

Gwiboon bended her exhausted body to the front sluggishly, trying to redo the knot. Then again, before she could ever pass the middle of her calves, stubby fingers out reached it first. Back to centuries ago, this might be sweet. Or even romantic. But in this millennial era, it’s safe to say that it’s quite creepy.

She tried to warn the possible stalker who kneels down in front of her, but he doesn’t seemed care. The fact that she cannot catch the face of the mysterious man is not helping the feeling being trapped crept up her limb.

“Excuse me, what the heck are you doing there?”

Year ago she might just lift her foot quickly to knock the face of this stranger immediately, but she learnt to be less violent lately. She stood up to shoo him away. Shamelessly, the man even finished the touch by dusting the front side of the shoes.

“Glad to see you’re keeping the shoes, Kim Gwiboon.”

Stunned, she almost forgot how to breathe, it’s so hard to restrain herself from blinking, from giving a chance to her mind for once again, tricking her into some delusional vision.

Those beautiful crescent eyes are still the same. The pink chapped plump lips are still the same. The sunshine-a-like smile, the angelic face, the soft bangs fell on his forehead, they are still the same. He swiped back his slightly choppy hair now and fixed his trademark messenger bag – the one that Gwiboon successfully rescued it before he was ridiculously about to throw that away just because it smelled so unpleasantly – back on his shoulder.

“Aren’t you going to hug me?”

Instead, Gwiboon stepped back listen to his words. Unfortunately, her calves pushed back her stool before she dropped herself down, making her losing some balance on the way. But before her ass knocked the concrete floor, solid arm slipped behind the small of her back.

“You know you’ll be a mess like this by yourself but still took the risk leaving me behind. Seriously?”

She wanted to pinched her cheeks, her arms, her thighs, everything, just to make sure that this is not the dream she always had by the end of the day when the only thing she could do was crying until she fell into slumber.

Before she’s able to unfold some words, he brought back his humongous smile and sat them both, his hand still secured on her waist.

“School of the Art Institute of Chicago.”

“What?”

“Twenty six minutes ride of subway from your campus to mine. It’s fifteen minutes’ drive actually but I don’t have my car here.”

Silent still kept her mouth shut. Her eyes not leaving his bright face for any second, afraid when she turned away then everything would vanish from her sight immediately.

“Sorry I catch you up like this. I did keep my eyes on you for a while like a creep from inside, actually. One of the waiter been narrowing his eyes on me, ready to ring the police, I guess. But. Look, Gwiboon. This mi—“

The entire speech he already prepared pushed back down his throat when Gwiboon’s finger stopped him. She traced his lips, painstakingly slow for both preference, then moved to rest her hand on his cheek. The warmth is evident in her palm telling her this is not merely an illusion.

“Is this you?”

“Err, no, this is Andy Samberg,” he rolled his eyes mimicking how would usually Gwiboon do, “Guess I have to disappoint you, because, yeah, this is only me. Andy Samberg is too funny too smart too cool if I let him here in front of you then y—“

And the dam on her eyes just crumbled, hot current flows without break from it, creating small rivers across her tired face.

Now it’s his turn to stretch his hand on her cheeks, wiping the tears carefully as if single stroke might ruin her perfect skin.

“No, no, no.. Shhh.. the last time you cried in public I got to deal with thousand sleepless nights and long drives around the city to kill the time that somehow moved too slow after I got slapped by the girl I love. Remember?”

Gwiboon is not only choked by the tease, but also shocked by the confession at the end.

“Y—you.. L—lo-“

“Love. Yes, Kim Gwiboon. I love you. I love you so much. I should have arrived earlier but I got delayed on graduation when you just marched out my room. I have no one to ask, where are you, what are you doing. I couldn’t go to Jonghyun, I couldn’t drive to your house, and your dorm has another resident already. I thought I’d lost you forever.”

“You thought.”

He nods and released his hands from her face when she started to get a grip of herself and fix the damage she made by breaking down into a messy crying.

“I’m sorry, Jinki.”

“What for?”

She looked up and found Jinki’s face beaming into bright halo, melted together with the sun flares bathed them at the backyard of the café. A memory of the day he drove her for the first time flashed, he looked identical with that Jinki. She should have known it earlier, that the amount of sincerity he had on each of his smile been more than enough to assure her to throw away all her qualm.

“For keeping you in the dark. I was.. afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“All those rumor, I think it’s safe to say now that not all of them are wrong. I fooled around before, like a lot. I didn’t take relationship as something serious and using my past unfortunate events as an excuse for toying people’s feeling just to protect mine. Falling for you, wasn’t my plan from the start. It was just a stupid crush, or as Jonghyun said back then, a perfect prey for a starving hyena.”

“Ouch. That hurts.”

“I’m not finish, and for that, go get Jonghyun to release your anger. Not my words, his.”

He flicked her nose softly, huge smile still plastered on his face, still indulged on the striking sight in front of him, Kim Gwiboon’s peeling her heart out, trying to be as honest as possible, the day he never thought would come to his life, “Go on.”

“Surprisingly, you made everything so easy. It made me happy, you.. made me happy. At the same time, it frightened me. I kept making what if scenario. What if Jinki realized it was a mistake? What if Jinki found another girl? What if I fell in love with Jinki?”

“What if Gwiboon left Jinki?”

An audible gasp slid through her cupid mouth. There’s a sheer of pain hanging on Jinki’s eyes. Though is not obvious, his smile dimmed a little bit, leaving her with her guilt-ridden heart.

“What if Jinki was pretty sure that Gwiboon is the one who brought the best in him? What if Jinki was the one thought he would be doomed once he accepted the grad school offer? What if Jinki was actually the one who’s afraid Gwiboon would leave him?”

“And I did.”

“And she did.”

He thought once he saw her he would vent out all the suppressed feeling and pain he stored, but the look on her eyes told him that the only thing he needs is not someone to take his rage, but an explanation to save him from loss of sight.

“I’m stubborn, over-achiever, and just like they used to call me back then, stone-cold-bitch. No one actually gave themselves a chance to understand who I really am, a girl who is desperate enough looking for happiness that she might not deserved. And when that happiness started to come into her life, she’s terrified of losing it once her lucky star faded out.”

She stopped when she felt heat’s crawling her eyes, again. What’s worse than guilty? Regret. And that’s what splashed all over him after being such an ass to force his ego to know the intention why she left. His hands nonchalantly caress her cheek which she kissed it straightaway to make sure he knew she’s alright.

“We can talk about it later, okay, Babe? Now we have all the time in the world, hmm?”

She shakes her head vigorously, telling him she needs to get it out her limb immediately, “I thought it would better if I turned the situation around. I thought it would be better if I dragged myself away as early as possible. Because the whole moving shenanigans are absolute for me, whatever happened, I need to leave and go here.”

“If you told me earlier, we can save time,” the tears started blurred her vision again, “And tears.”

“I’m sorry dropping the bomb like that.”

“The worst day of my existence,” she frowned again, Gwiboon trailed his forehead and swiped aside his bangs delicately, “Although, I’m such a loser myself, so I do owe you apology as well. Being coward didn’t take me anywhere but hell. The idea of falling in love, it’s still so unreal for me. Then I saw your smile, I surrendered. Somehow along the way, I became very dependent with you. That was partly making me questioned myself, where is the Jinki I thought I knew? I didn’t know how you saw this, saw us, and the image of rejection scared the shit out of me. I fell in love with you faster than I woke up in the morning. And it gave me panic attack.”

Panic attack.

Gwiboon couldn’t find another word to describe her own situation, but Jinki recited it in the best way. In a very simple way, in a very honest way, in a very Jinki way. She searched doubt on his eyes, and genuineness is the only thing she could find in it. Sure he looks exhausted, and slightly anxious, but the way those two orbs staring back at her, for now, she’s sure enough it’s the place where they’re supposed to be, in each other’s orbit.

“I miss you, Lee Jinki. I do.”

“I miss you more, you have no slightest idea.”

“Are we gonna fight over who miss whom the most?”

“If you insist? Like I said, we have all the time in the world.”

“No, we don’t,” now it’s Jinki who turned sour, “Because I promised this dino brother of mine to get his records today and next Wednesday I will have dessert assessment so Tuesday most likely would be spent on the kitchen.”

“So, you’re saying?”

“I’m saying we only have less than 3 x 24 hours to catch up before I buried myself on pre-test frustration.”

Looking at Gwiboon flailing her hands frantically, he can only chuckled, “Guess some things didn’t change.”

And the trademark eyes-rolling is back. He missed that, unexpectedly.

“Likewise.”

“Okay, so let’s get the errands done. I don’t want listen to Jonghyun berating me about his records obsession and how I ruined his day as new blackmail resources. And we’ll figure it out what’re we going to do after because I’m super awkward now.”

“Awkward? Why awkward?”

“You think spying a girl only two days after godly hours of flight then just letting your gut out to confess while fighting horrendous jetlag didn’t make you awkward?”

Gwiboon cannot hide her anticipation anymore, the grin almost splits her face into two. She cupped his face with both hands to fix his eyes that wandered around to avoid her gaze so she can look straight to him.

“Wow. Lee Jinki is awkward after confessing? What’s with his track records on girls?”

“None of them even close to you, of course I’m awkward.”

Something burst inside her heart, something warm, something soothing. Nevertheless, she pressed his cheeks more, squished it with all her might making his adorable full lips pouting cutely, because his words just flee her to the cloud nine.

“Always had his way with the words.”

“Like I said before, some things didn’t change,” he peeled her hand slowly from his face then wrapped them on his chest, “We can’t be here all day, can we?”

“Uh oh.”

“Then?”

“The records store is thirty minutes subway ride. After that, we can grab lunch and go to my apartment catch up, chilling, and you know..”

“I know?”

“You know..”

“Know what?”

“Wecanmakeoutlikeweusedtobe or else. You have any suggestion?”

“Hmm. I’m about to say we can explore Millennium Park and stroll the downtown and later get back to either of our places to binge watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine but I’m okay with that too.”

Face turned between tangerine and tomato, Gwiboon playfully swatted Jinki’s arm, which the latter pretend to shriek as if someone just pushed him in front of a taxi.

“I never thought I would miss your pervy head over there, you fool.”

“You’re the one who has dirty mind here. But as I told you before, this pervy head has lots of secret to charm his lady away,” he paused for a while, cringed on his own words, “Okay that was another awkward moment.”

Gwiboon giggled in delight, “Shut up and just kiss me.”

“As you wish, My Lady.”

Jinki never realized how perfectly fit his hand on the curve of her face. Everything he took for granted before, including feeling the warmth of her cheek and the way her hair fell into its respective places around her temple, now all clear before his eyes and he silently promised he won’t let it go again.

The first touch of his lips on hers makes Gwiboon shuddered. He tastes like peaches. Fluffy and soft, sweet and fresh. How she survived these past months without him is beyond her common sense. Her respiratory system is full with his scent and she knew she just breathed happiness.

“I love you, My Pervy Head.”

“I love you too, My Princess.”

***

“Can you at least put on something?”

Gwiboon shot him mischievous glare from the kitchen island. They just moved to a new apartment, their new apartment. Jinki’s scholarship actually gave him accommodation in the university’s dorm. But a man with a very good common sense would never turn down an opportunity to share apartment with a human form of flawless goddess like Gwiboon. And as far anyone knew, Jinki is a man with a very good common sense.

Three days after he shown up in front of Gwiboon, they walked around down town to visit some realtor office. Found it difficult to find a decent apartment without burning his bank account, Jinki called it a day and told Gwiboon he gave up and probably would take the offer for the dorm not only for one semester but the whole year, or even the whole course period. Before they left the last office, she suggested finding bigger apartment for them since they will be in Chicago for at least the next two years and she needs to find another one since her roommate is about to be graduated soon and she cannot find anyone to replace her to avoid losing the lease.

So here they are, in their small reasonable priced apartment with exposed brick walls and cute kitchen, stuffs scattered here and there, some are still inside the luggage, some are still inside the boxes, almost six months after settle down with their feelings. They didn’t get the one that close enough to their school because all the units there tried to choke their necks, but this one has mini patio-like balcony and only two blocks away from the city center, so no one is actually mad here.

“You’re wearing your boxers and I cannot wear it?”

Jinki looked again to her direction only to find Gwiboon checking her reflection by the fridge door which is not covered by the Polaroids she once sent to Jinki, purposely tilted her hips a bit so he can found the piece of clothes not enough covering the globes below her waist.

He kicked stacked of magazine he just pulled out from the box to release his frustration.

“First, I have my t-shirt on. Second, the one that you picked is called trunks.”

“Well, in my defense, you’re wearing sleeveless. You have no idea what those biceps did to me.”

“Well, in my defense, at least I’m covering my chest. You have no idea what those..  Those..”

He scratched his not itchy head, mentally curse his weak barricade, tongue failed to cooperate helping him composing some words to cover his nervousness.

“Those what?”

Gwiboon’s then gulping some water, head thrown to the back, stretching her neck perfectly since she knew a pair of eyes is currently enjoying the view.

“Kim Gwiboon, please..”

Looking at Jinki’s pouting, Gwiboon then blew some kisses knowing that she had just won the teasing battle.

“Fine.. as you wish.”

“Thank you so much.”

He looks down to his lower region, that was a close call. Jinki then back to his previous activities which is sitting on the floor near the balcony sorting the books and photo albums, including what looks like folder full of sketches belongs to Gwiboons.

“Baby, I think we need to buy some extra folders for our sketching paper. Or do you think we ca—“ his words are cut out when Gwiboon appeared before his eyes after putting some clothes on, “Oh, come on!”

“What now?”

“Is this what you called t-shirt?” she ducked her head down then shrugged, “I can still see your nipples peeking out, crystal clear! And it’s only covering one of your shoulder!”

Gwiboon laughed, pulled the fallen sleeve back to its position and dropped herself on the other side of the huge box Jinki has been digging for the past hour, left him crimson red because he definitely can see her chest jiggling and bouncing behind the sheer material.

“Well, then control your thirst! This is the only thing I could find, there’s Titanic moved to the cramped walking closet.”

“That’s because you’re supposed to arrange our wardrobe there but instead you decided trying some racy clothes then called your boyfriend to ask how do you look.”

Boyfriend.

Gwiboon loves it whenever Jinki used that term.

“Oh, then who’s fault is then when my boyfriend cannot handle himself and fuck me senselessly on the spot? And on the living room? And that night on the balcony?”

Admitting his defeat, Jinki glanced quickly to his boxers, I’m so sorry I gotta betray you. He cleared his throat nervously before continued his reasoning.

“For your information, not senselessly. Pardon me for being such a cheeseball, but I did it with love, care, and sincerity. Once again, though some of them are rough, it’s not senselessly.”

Gwiboon slid to his laps and pushed the box a bit further before pressing her palm to his cheek, aiming his sinful lips and crushed it gently with hers, not forget to nip the lower lip a little bit, as for his liking.

“I know. That’s why I kept calling you to the walking closet.”

He sighed once again and murmuring some words while resting his lips on her, “This is the reason why we haven’t finished organizing the house. I failed myself as an architect.”

“The house can wait, but not this one, Honey.”

She started mouthing his jawline and took her time to savor his adam’s apple. Jinki’s loosening his grip on her waist a little bit, giving her space to peel his tank top.

“Hmmm.. since when you’re into pet names?”

“Since Lee Jinki.”

Jinki can’t seem tear his gaze from the finest girl he ever met which currently melted onto his arms. Flushed and glowing, she looks the softest and he found it hard to decide what will be the best word to describe how beautiful she is. Oddly, out of nowhere, he remembered his History of Contemporary Architecture class on his freshman year where his professor for the first time introduce him to Le Corbusier, which later on became his obsession who brought him to two weeks trip in France just to visit his buildings.

Corbusier once said, when a work reaches its full potential in terms of intensity, proportions, quality of workmanship and perfection, a phenomenon of indescribable space occurs, the rooms begin to radiate. They physically radiate.

And that’s what happened to Gwiboon. She’s the correct amount of strength and fear in a person, the best proportion of rage and excitement. Out of all the short trips and extended journey Jinki had been through, she’s the longest road of aesthetic he’s sure he would never be bored with. Just like that, she radiates, brightens his once gloomy and stagnant heart, and expands every corner of it for more space where love and courage can grow.   

Gwiboon intertwined her fingers on the nape of his neck and Jinki didn’t waste another second to close the gap between their mouths. Jinki’s heart swell, contented when the vanilla scent of Gwiboon – which once he was convinced, is not from her perfume but her own scent – is the only thing he can sense. The only thing matters at the moment.

Back then after they lost Eve in a park near their house, his father once told six years old Jinki that what's meant to be will always find a way. A way to be, a way to come back. When the sweet little puppy came back home one week later with an open wound near the tail, Lee Jinki decided to take those wise words as one of his life’s pillar.

And once again, it doesn’t fail him. 

“Baby, you said we’re going to try this new restaurant tonight?”

She hold her grunts, face still buried deep on his neck, annoyed by Jinki’s choice of words on such time, “Hmmm, Eunsook said she wanted to celebrate their engagement there.”

Impatient, she pressed herself tighter to Jinki’s now bare chest. She loves to talk to her boyfriend but really, now is not the time. Not when she has her legs wrapped around his waist.

“So we’ll meet them on the spot?”

She stopped her attack on his collar bones and pulled her face away, now eyes straight drilling Jinki’s, face washed with that irritated look.

“I told you last night they’re coming here first to check our place! Are you seriously wanted to talk about it now?!”

Jinki chuckled, and pecked her lips repeatedly to sooth her rage, “Baby, what time again Jonghyun said they’re coming over?”

Gwiboon almost pushed Jinki chest away out of frustration, but his arms locked right behind her back, secured her on his laps, confusing her more with the same amount of starvation mirrored on his eyes.

“Around five. Or six. Who the hell know!!! Why are we even having this conversation?!”

She felt a strong grip palming her ass, for a second she’s convinced that he’s teasing her, knowing it would annoy her whenever she’s needy.

“Where’s your phone?” if she doesn’t love him, she would send one perfect jab right below his chin, but claiming Lee Jinki as her personal guardian angel, she could only be dumbfounded by such question, anger pooling right at the back of her throat without able to pipe it out.

And Jinki found it cute, again. Well, the way she breathes and swipes her bangs are also cute, so this is actually not so fair judgement.

“It’s still eleven now. Remember the list of spots in the house we need to assess that you keep there?”

A smile came back to her face along with the smirk on his face. Gwiboon cupped his face and flushed her torso to Jinki’s front.

“I have memorized it well. Kitchen, now.”

***

Heyhoo, peeps! Actually I finished this a while ago, but please forgive my strugs-to-func brain because I only uploaded to my AFF and forgot to cross post it here, so, yeah, apologize!

What a journey! From View era until now. Like I said in my AFF, thank you so much for walking along with me, for sending me support and lovely messages. Been a roller-coaster feeling here. Hopefully, you like how it’s ended :) I was this close to make it not in a happy ending haha sue me lol

And hopefully, this would be one of your reminiscent of our angel Kim Jonghyun who loves his member just like this Jonghyun loves his baby sister Gwiboon.

I am planning to make extra chapter, like an ‘Ask Your Questions’ chapter where you can send me (and the characters) messages, about the plot of the story, about the trivia, about everything you want to know from their life.

I’ll be back to write soon. Of course after the graduation. Which is less than two months *finger crossed*. So until then, me and Jinki, Gwiboon, Taemin, Jonghyun, and Minho will wait for your questions because we’re sooooo excited about the extra chapter!