#herxum

        her brain was malfunctioning. this unfamiliar, profound feeling of longing, yearning, of insatiable craving… it was too much for chitanda’s fragile heart to bear. a new experience that instilled fear and excitement to rupture within her and fill her chest with a pleasant warmth to spread all around her body… would it be selfish of her to express how she ached to be closer to him? to call him ‘houtarou’, rather than ‘oreki-san’? all her courage would permit her to do was merely study the shape of his face, to trace the outline of his jaw with her eyes and lose herself into the depths of emerald eyes. chitanda’s ivory skin flush with pink and red, skin trembling and burning underneath his touch, tiny lips trembling as she strained to get the choked words to slip out. she couldn’t summon the strength to speak the words she truly needed to say. they’re jumbled up; a tangled mess. his arms enclosed around her dainty, delicate figure, her own hands coiled into fists, stark and pressed against his chest… when had it come to this?

        she found immediate solace in his warm embrace. oreki-san was not a man who touched people so freely. oreki-san was analytical and aloof. oreki-san was a man of few words and expressed his feelings in his own personal, amusing way that did not require much effort on his part. withdrawn, but not at all heartless. oreki was someone who preferred to preserve his energy and opposed having to waste it. chitanda was a woman who exuded happiness and sunshine in every step she took. she was a walking ball of limitless energy with flowers blooming in the hollows of her ribcage and stardust in her eyes. hope reverberated in her bones. her optimism clashed and collided violently, ferociously with his pessimism. oreki-san was special. she told him this every chance she had.

        chitanda was gripped with the terror that one day, eventually, oreki-san will tire of her presence and her incessant, all-consuming curiosity. her never-ending questions would eventually prove to be too much. he would come to accept that she wasn’t worth depleting his valuable life energy. not on a girl like her. the wisdom he imparted on her would soon become a tragic memory that she would find herself reminiscing on when she’s old and frail.

        he was so warm. chitanda fought against the impulse to just outright profess everything she was feeling at that moment. the urge to declare that she didn’t want him to hold the umbrella anymore. she wanted him to hold her. but she didn’t want to burden him with her emotions. if she were to finally summon the courage to proclaim that her feelings towards him transcended beyond mere platonic love… she was important to her. she held him very dearly to her heart, and never wanted to part from him. she wanted to be selfish with her feelings for once. it’s almost disconcerting.

        ❝ oreki-san.❞ her grip on him tightened. ❝ i want…. i want you to stay with me. ❞ the tension in the air is thick, weighing heavily around her, and her throat feels uncomfortably, unbearably tight. her heart feels like it’s going to combust and implode at any second. ❝ i don’t want to forget you, oreki-san. ❞ her hands reached up to frame the outline of oreki’s face, his beautiful face, and a smile rose to her lips, her blush deepening, and the gap between them crumbled and fell apart, both physically and mentally. they were both more than eager to close the distance. she could faintly make out the familiar smell of udon noodles on his breath. underneath the palm of her hand that rested on his left lapel, his heartbeat pounded and throbbed, quickening in pace, and chitanda was sure her own heart was racing from the close proximity, ready to shatter the bones protecting her lungs and leap right out of her chest.

        ❝ oreki-san… may i call you houtarou? ❞ the pink that splayed across her milky white skin had subsided. ❝ will you… call me eru, as well…? ❞ her unusually tiny voice is a combination of hopefulness and pleading. she forced herself to fix her eyes on his face, her heart swelling as she leaned in closer and ghosted her lips over his. not once did she wilt away, even when he stared back at her, his languid, placid eyes sharpening slightly when their eyes met.