Feb 7, 2021
It's so hard trying to love yourself in a world that doesn't love you back.
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It's so hard trying to love yourself in a world that doesn't love you back.
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The more I thought about it. The more I suffered.
Death is a weird phenomena. Its uncertainity makes it more dreadful than anything else.
I wish people could know when they are going to die. Like die for sure without any hope.Like a year decided for everyone. Let’s say, A dies at 65 or B dies at 49. Like we know when a baby will be born. The surity of nine months with a few exceptions of premature. When the baby will be out of the womb and into the real world. But with death, there is nothing known. Death is so mysterious. You may meet a person one evening only to hear the news that they are no more the next morning. The conversation they were going to continue today will no longer happen. So many things left unsaid with so many sad emotions remained to be felt.
I wanted only him but he wanted several others. All through my life I wanted just one person to love. That one person - who'd be enough. I always believed in monogamy as the only way for a healthy relationship - until I wasn't.
I didn't choose polygamy because I wanted to but due to the circumstances that led me through. Constant betrayals, lies, deception had put my mental balance off track. I never understood what thrill it gave my partner to cheat on me again and again. When the person you love breaks your trust repeatedly, it somehow makes you believe that you are not good enough. It makes you less confident and shatters your self-esteem. You try to reason it out. You begin to find faults within and over analyze every thing you do or have been doing to make the relationship last long.
Spiteful vengeance threw me in the arms of random strangers. I cannot forget those reckless nights when I'd throw up after every random encounter with men. They always chose flesh over everything I had to offer.
It didn't matter to them that I was good with academics and topped my class. It didn't matter to them that I could sing and touch the right notes with ease. It didn't matter to them that I was a good listener and made the best crepes in town. It didn't matter to them that I had empathy and was a compassionate animal lover. It didn't matter to them that I was a good friend too. It didn't matter to them that I could sketch with the charcoal - a sunrise as well a sunset. It did not matter to them I was once the most promising employee or how I received my hard-earned cheques. It didn't matter to them that once I was a girl full of virtues before they deemed me small.
They called me names while I was still trying to find the pleasure or the thrill in sleeping around.
-I didn't chose polygamy
Sometimes I wonder, can a man really change for a woman or he just learns to put up a better show? Because I don't get it. How can a man gets up one day in the middle of an argument and tell you that- " I was trying to change for you" and since there is no end to our everyday ranting, he thinks he might as well go back to being his old self.
Do you become a gentleman because you want to or do you become a gentleman because you should?
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Obito rose an eyebrow before offering a chuckle.
“Naruto, what are you talking about?” He asked, he had been blind his entire life, it’s not like he knew what he looked like, he just assumed he was average. He tugged his clean shirt over his head before shouldering his duffelbag and poking the smaller male’s nose gently, then walked out of the gym with a wave, his guide dog trotting at his side although he really didn’t need the husky’s help. “See you tomorrow, dork”