#hersi

185. Moran Mazor - “Rak bishvilo” Israel 2013

Now, I’ll get my personal qualms out of the way first: “Rak bishvilo” isn’t a me song. I’m very particular with my ballads and Rak is not one I care about. I actually rooted for Moran’s NQ at the time. 

However, I immediately regretted this once it happened. Moran’s NQ is the *single* saddest elimination in the history of semi final exits. Her hysterical mental breakdown after getting the boot in 2013 is generally well-documented and it really saddens me because I feel she’s been done dirty by ONE thing: 

That. Dress.

Good lord that dress is the most unflattering ones EVER. The song was fine. Moran herself was excellent, like always. But the cauchemar couture wrapped tightly along her voluptuous bodice gave Moran the semblance of one of the hippos from Fantasia. IT IRKS ME that body-shaming is the reason why she NQ’d and that’s why I’m ranking her this high. She wasn’t my favourite, but fuck she deserved a lot better. RIP my sweet plus-sized princess. 😭

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184. Andrius Pojavis - “Something” Lithuania 2013

On the other end of the spectrum, we find one of earth’s most baffling qualifications in Andrius Potheadjavis. Lol it’s not even a stretch to call him that btw, LOOK at that stonergaze. No sober performances of “Something” exist anywhere in the multiverse, between this one AND the one in the official preview where he was definitely under influence of something *much* more potent than mere hemp tobacco:

  As I think it was Graham Norton(?) who would quip during his commentating, “It is as though they found a random homeless junkie on the streets of Vilnius and forced him to sing this bizarre jibberish song”  ❤

Also, like Paula and Ovi, Andrius somehow thought he would do really well? Cf.: his drunken rant AFTER Denmark won, all “I finish TWENTIEST?? WHAT IS FUCKING TWENTIEST???” 🤣

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183. The Makemakes - “I am yours” Austria 2015

I often make woefully incorrect predictions (”Hatari are winning ESC!!” “Eleni is going to flame out in the semifinal”), but the most incorrect one concerns The Makemakes. I was *really* convinced they would come top 5 in 2015. 🤣

And, honestly... I’m still shocked that they didn’t? “I am yours” is a timewarp to 60s rock, with wonderful love ballad lyrics and a flaming piano? I suppose they didn’t stand out much? Still a solid 7/10 though. 🤷‍♂️ ________________________________________________________________

182. Hersi - “One night’s anger” Albania 2014

However, there was *zero* doubt upon ~Hersiana’s~ selection that she would meet her ultimate fate as a semifinal cipher. “One night’s anger” is delightfully hopeless. Avant Garde ballad that gradually substitutes its fragile, twee disney heart for electric guitar riffs <3 No need for the giant Eagle tattoo on your back Hersi. Your SONG screams Albania more than ink ever could. 

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181. Cláudia Pascoal ft Isaura - “O Jardim” Portugal 2018

[2018 Review here]

YES I AM CREDITING ISAURA!!! She is ROYALTY in the lusophone indie scene!!! Humble Queen <3 

Anyway, man, “O jardim” deserved a lot better than what it got. A genuinely touching, emotionally gripping loss ballad, that still retains a fairly respectful, if ditzy outlook on life is not what I would expect to ever see at Eurovision, but thank fuck it happened. 

I am signficantly less sad about “O jardim” flopping than I am about Moran’s NQ however, despite liking the former a lot more. I don’t feel like Portugal even tried to make “O jardim” engaging for non-Portugese speakers? It’s really frustrating when a great song is downgraded to mere “good” by less inspired staging, and “O jardim” is, regretfully, an example of those.