#hermie bing

Harry Badun runs to the door in truly record speed, the weapon safely pointed down. He looks disappointed when he sees only a child.

„Tell him what you told me,“ Jace sights towards the visitor.

„My mom has three disembodied corpses in her basement. They talk to me when I sleep.“

Ok. 

That is a new info.

This is cool. Totally cool.

Harry tightens his grip on the weapon and looks around the street, then up the roofs, which, you know, always a good idea.

They are clear, though. It doesn't look as if anyone is gonna jump them, much less some psychotic woman. Those don't tend to be too quiet, and the Badun cousins would know.

Oh, and by the way. That silhouette against that balustrade over there? That is totally Reza. Snogging Jade. Harry owes Jace for this one. 

Anyway. Right, the corpses.

„Come on, kid,“ he says, „Go inside and then tell us what you know, yeah?“

The kid's eyes shine as he steps inside and exclaims: „Do I get to be a detective too? I have always wanted to be a detective! I would be an awesome detective, since I know how do bodies look how long after death already!“

This is not a worrying statement at all. Not at all.

A shadow peels off the wall. Hermie. She was listening the whole time, of course she was.

„Dead bodies?“

„What exactly do you mean?!“

The kid answers and Jace bites back the irrational need to scream his lungs out. A vein at his temple pulses as the kid starts describing a rotting corpse with freakish accuracy to way too interested Hermie.

„Quiet! I need to concentrate!“ shouts Yzla from upstairs, „This is a delicate process!“

„Stop painting your pretty pictures for a moment,“ shouts Harry back, „This is a bloody murder case!“

„I'm trying to recreate Renoir here, you ignorant simpleton-“

„A what?“

Yzla screams incoherently and Jace interrupts the argument before it can truly begin: 

„We also have a kid that might be in danger and knows absolutely too much.“

„…I'm coming. But if the paint dries and I won't be able to get back to it, it will be all your fault.“

Jace doesn't even acknowledge that as worthy of an answer.

„Jace?“ Hermie nudges him slightly, while the kid infodumps at slightly traumatized-looking Harry about the different types of gunshot wounds, „Should I get Reza too?“

„…Nah,“ decides Jace, „He is snogging Jade right now, and we wouldn't want to interrupt.“

Hermie nods curtly and turns over to Harry: „You owe me and Yzla a bottle of cognac,“ she says, and Jace whistles. His cousin is losing in the big, today.

The kid tugs at his sleeve: „So what about my mom's basement, Mr Detective?“ the kid asks and he really should ask who his mom is. Also, what is his name?

So he asks, and when the child answers, looking at him with impossibly wide eyes, he almost gets an aneurysm.

„I'm detective Hadie, sir,“ the child reports proudly. Harry and Hermie just shrug – they don't know what is happening either. Nor does Yzla, who just appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing nothing but a negligee, and didn't she say she was working?

Oh, well.

Jace clears his throat.

„Right, kid. Hadie. And who is your mother?“

„But you are detectives!“ the child protests, „You gotta know that, no?“

„…Sure. We know that. Absolutely. And the bodies? Wait, no,“ Jace catches himself. This will certainly be a conversation, so:

„Let's go to the saloon first, shall we?“

Even if the saloon is just a fancy name for a room with a dining table and the kitchen counter, as he and Harry can hardly afford anything else.

They do have enough chairs, though, even if they are rarely used and mostly ignored: Hermie sits on the table, swinging her legs idly in the air, and Yzla plops herself down Harry's lap, setting his weapon aside. Fucking menace, that girl.

Jace himself takes the chair next to them and the boy stays standing.

(If Reza wouldn't be too busy with his current hookup, he would just lean against the wall and try to look very cool and intimidating, and smoke his cigarettes. Jace could do with a cigarette himself. Or better yet, a drink. The cigarette smoke reminds himself and Harry a bit too much of Cruella.)

„Now, tell us what you know,“ Jace asks the kid and damn. That kid. Does not shut up. Ever.

By the first thirty minutes, Yzla gets up and opens a bottle of wine to pass around, not even bothering with the glasses.

By an hour, Hermie is playing with her favourite dagger a bit too much and Harry has reclaimed back his handgun.

By hour and half, Jace is very ready to bleach his brain, thank you very much.

Hadie slows for a moment and Jace immediately stops him: „I think that's quite enough for today, Hadie,“ he says, „Thank you. Would you just step behind that door real quick?“

The kid pouts at him.

„Ehm… Me and my detectives need to discuss the evidence you just presented to us. And decide the, ehm, next course of action.“

Hadie finally steps behind the door when all present adults – including Eddie, who showed up half-way through – point at them.

And there is not much of a discussion, not really.

„Tell me we are taking that kid to Uma,“ blurts out Yzla before he can even speak.

„We could keep him,“ propose Hermie and Harry at the same time, and, yeah, no. As if Harry didn’t know they are barely staying afloat as it is, never mind, you know, not remotely responsible enough to raise a child?

…Yeah, it says a lot when a child would be safer on the streets, under the protection of one of the wildest Auradon City gangs, than anywhere else.

„We are taking him to Uma,“ decides Jace, and Yzla sights in relief. Eddie motions for her to pass the wine.

„You can come back, kid!“ Jace raises his voice, „We have decided!“

„Yay!“ the tiny disaster runs back to the room, „Do I get to be a detective too? Will we solve the case of my mother’s basement? Track down the victims’ family?“

Actually…

Jace knows how to get the kid to cooperate and go to safety voluntarily now: He winks at his associates, as to signal the general „don’t question me, I’ve got this.“

„Sure we are, kid. But, you see, right now we are working on another serious case, and we need you to help us. Will you be our eyes on the streets, detective Hadie?“

„Yes! I will, Mr detective sir! When do I start?“

„As soon as we can get you to the location. Now, let’s not lose any more time: We will debrief you on the way.“

That will hopefully give Jace enough time to come up with decent backstory, so, yeah.

With a yawn, Yzla gets up and sets off to her atelier, also known as the attic, not bothering to say goodbye, and Harry sets off to find his metal boxer and emergency knife.

„Reza is gonna be so mad he missed this-“ Hermie giggles, „It’s gonna be so much fun!“

And then, the Badun detective agency escorts its newest member, or, more accurately, adoptee, to Uma.