Dec 31, 2019
#goodsex #nostress #oneboo #noex #smallcircle #bigchecks #happynewyear #happynewyear2020 #bigchanges #herestome #cheers #thingsarelookingup https://www.instagram.com/p/B6wWIOWh0MG/?igshid=19rv52155ca76
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#goodsex #nostress #oneboo #noex #smallcircle #bigchecks #happynewyear #happynewyear2020 #bigchanges #herestome #cheers #thingsarelookingup https://www.instagram.com/p/B6wWIOWh0MG/?igshid=19rv52155ca76
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something happened the other day and it really made me open my eyes. it really pushed me to a point i don’t think i’ve ever felt before in my life. i usually tend to cling, and harp, and grip so hard to everything in my life; people, feelings, places, things., but i don’t know. something snapped. or maybe it clicked. i’m not 100% sure, but all i know is i’m ready to fully let go. i’m letting go. of every person, of every feeling, of every place. of everything i’ve been holding on to. like all those things define me. like i don’t know how to escape my past. it’s all haunting. who am i without all of those things? . i’ve been allowing it all to consume me everyday. none of it is me. and it for once feels so fucking good. so fucking free. i am me for me, not because anything else. i don’t need anything or anyone to complete me. i am whole on my own. i am all i need. i felt so drained and so exhausted trying so hard to be someone and something that i’m not. trying to keep up. trying to please someone. trying. trying so hard. to fit into other peoples lives. to fit a mold. to fit in a bubble. at the end of the day, i realize you shouldn’t have to try so fucking hard. the right things, the right people, the right feelings will just BE.
here’s to me and my healing and my 31 years of living and my promise to my own personal happiness and well-being. i love me and that’s all i need. one day, the rest will follow. and my smile might be a little bit bigger. but for now, thank you to everyone, every place, every feeling, and everything for helping me see my worth and my value within myself. i’m not sure i would have gotten here without you.
Tonight I am eating a plant-based meal in honor of having a hysterectomy 1 year ago (August 1). Today I’m honoring me and women like me who suffer from reproductive disorders. The 9-months leading up to the surgery were dark days full of pain and depression. As a result, I chose to adopt a vegan lifestyle to help minimize the pain from the numerous uterine fibroids I was carrying (the surgeon couldn’t count them all). They had grown over the years unbeknownst to me. But that last year prior to the surgery they had tripled in size due to stress and worry. As a vegan, I learned to listen to my body and I scrutinized every thing I put inside of it. I grew so desperate to be well again. And it worked. The pain and inflammation subsided a great deal. I also went to an acupuncturist to help my body heal itself so that I could sleep at night and have a more positive outlook. I felt better than I had in years. I chose vegan-ism because of a medical diagnosis. But now, I might just remain a vegan forever! #wellmaybeavegetarian • • • • • • #herestome #thestrugglinvegan #alwaystheconqueror #alwayshis @merlines.co Merline Engle’s hotsauce!! https://www.instagram.com/p/B0hNfDRDXBh/?igshid=1lnpz9snsc6hq
I’ve come to terms with the idea of it just being me and my dog...forever. Well not forever, because he can’t live forever (although I wish he could, he’s basically my perfect guy lol). But for the foreseeable future, I see it that way. I think it’s coming up on 5yrs single for me. And maybe it’ll be 5 more. Maybe it’ll be even longer than that. And honestly, I don’t mind that thought. Since starting my new job, my goals have become even clearer. Paying off my car, paying off my debts, saving money, and getting my own place- those are the things I’m focused on. My life is still about, “getting my shit together”. I finally have a career. I finally feel stable and like I could grow and flourish. I’m excited for the future and what it holds. It might be a lonely road at times, but with my family and the very few friends I have, I’ll continue to thrive. My life will still be fun. My heart will still be full. I’ll still be whole. I’ve repaired myself, I’ve come from shambles. I glued myself back together and though there are still lose ends, I can see the light. I know it’ll get better. I know that I’ll find my own happiness. Maybe I’ll adopt. Maybe I’ll move. Maybe I’ll find my home here and lay my roots down to stick. Whatever the future holds and whatever God has planned for me, I am excited. I look forward to the challenges and opportunities for growth. Life has always been here, it’s always going it stops for no one. I felt like I wasn’t really living for so, so long. But I was, I just wasn’t truly present. But I’m back, I know I’m here, and I can only move forward
When I played basketball in school and worked full time on top of 15 hours I weighed 155 Here I am, 4 years, and 110 pounds added on to my life. Now, I am officially down 30 pounds since staring to get my physical body back on track and it is a fight everyday to return to my best self. I have never been as blissfully happy as I am now, thanks to the love of my life, but I need to like myself again. So here I am starting at weight 265, down to 235, on my way too 175 #HeresToAFightingChance #HeresTo2018 #HeresToMe #HeavensFitnessoftheFence #CoheedRelated #COTF
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Took a few days off working out to help my body kick this brutal cold. Today was my first day back and my first day with new pre workout & bcaa 😍💪 #herestome #transformationtuesday #timetogetserious #supplementkinggp #weightloss #cleaneating #workingmyassoff #noexcusemoms #noexcuses #slimmingdownforthegown #sweatingforthewedding