Hi, I'm the anon who had herbiven coined and I just wanted to talk about it without having to reveal who I am. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of having myself attached to a label because I don't want my personal beliefs or opinions to taint the label and make anyone uncomfortable with using it, I hope that makes sense. Feel free to just delete this or not read it or whatever you choose if you don't feel like responding/posting it, it won't hurt my feelings!
I wanted the term herbiven because, while I identify 100% as a binary, masculine, man I've struggled with that identity for a good couple years now, solely because I don't express my masculinity in the way I'm "supposed to". I'm not feminine in any way, but I'm labeled feminine because I'm not physically strong or violent or dominant at all. It's made me feel like, despite feeling completely like a binary man, I'd have to identify as something else. Demiboy didn't fit because I'm not "partially a boy". Nonbinary didn't fit because I feel like a man. Nonbinary man didn't fit because I feel like my gender is binary. Neoboy doesn't fit because my masculinity isn't "new" or at least doesn't feel that way. I'm not a femboy/rosboy/etc. because I don't perceive myself or my gender as feminine. The term "herbivore man" just resonated so deeply with me. Masculinity isn't one specific thing or a box to fit into, masculinity in itself is a spectrum. I think that gets lost in the queer community these days, it feels like it's always "masculine, feminine, neutral or androgynous, and if you don't present exactly like that you're something new entirely!" I'm not something new! I'm just masculine in a way society deems "feminine". I'm a pacifist, I'm not physically strong, I'm emotionally intelligent, I care about how I dress, I'm alternative, I'm queer, I'm a "sissy" and a "f*g" I don't force my way into a woman's (or another potential romantic partner's) life or display my strength and dominance to gain a romantic partner. I let them come to me when they're ready, I get to know them on a personal level, I want to treat them like a person not a stepping stone to the goal of a romantic relationship. Sure I've never felt romantic attraction before but if I ever do I want them to approach me, I don't want to be forceful.
All of these things made me feel like I couldn't have been a binary man, that I had to be something more than that. When, no, there isn't anything more to it. I'm a man. A masculine, binary, man. Just because I don't display that gender exactly in the way society expects me to doesn't change that. I just hope the term herbiven can help other men, man-aligned, partial men, or anyone connected to manhood feel less alone or less like they're somehow "less of a man" or "not a real man".
Sorry for the long message, again, you're free to ignore or delete this if you choose to. Though if you do choose to post it, thank you!
Is nice see ask! Really like hearing about experiences people have, reasons behind why make or request terms, or how do experience specific experience that label puts word to. Are always really very interested in hearing this sort of thing and liked reading, thanks for sending in!
