Some of my blog entries probably feel like rants. If not now, then I'm sure some of the ones yet to come will be rants. Thus you might come to believe that we claim to be perfect parents.
Well, we certainly aren't. I lack a lot of parenting experience (not that that necessarily makes one less able to be a good parent, but in my case I believe it does). Bridget has a short temper at times. Both of us have to fight our own challenges while helping the kids overcome theirs.
Can some of our kids problems be caused by bad parenting? I believe some are and some could, but others can't. Markus' ADHD, for example, is most certainly a genetic trait and so is Tanya's constant rocking - nobody could have taught them or provoked that in any way. Tanya's and Matthew's lack of empathy and all three children's egocentricity could be genetic or learned traits, but also simply reactive behavior to a world they often experience as hostile towards them.
There is however also a vicious cycle that I find very hard to break. For example, in the parenting course I attend we learn when, how and how often to praise our children. We learn how important it is to talk and listen to our kids, to be interested in their life and to play with them. Intellectually I have no problem understanding the importance of these "simple tasks" for every family, and I believe they are even more important for special kids, whose self-esteem must be harmed by their environment's disapproval of their behavior. But when it comes to actually following through with the strategies I'm learning I give up after a few unsuccessful tries, even though I know that only long-time practice will have any effect.
What happens when I try to talk to the kids about any topic? An example: Markus' typical answer to any kind of communication is "what?" - he often can't concentrate enough to listen to more than one short sentence in any 5-minute period. "What?" is even his typical reaction to an answer to a direct question - even if I simply answered with yes or no (yes, I tried raising my voice). How do you have a meaningful conversation with a person whose attention span can be too short for hearing a two-letter answer he asked for?
Because of that I often find myself answering very short to his questions, even though I have the time for a longer conversation and feel like striking one up - I just don't have the energy to repeat and rephrase every sentence three times. That is something I feel very bad about, because I could give the children more of my attention, but their reactions don't make me want to - even though I know what causes them and that their personality often isn't to blame. Any tips on how to overcome this obstacle?
