#hellsing incorrect quotes

Alucard: *holds a gun out to Reader* Reader: I-I don't believe in guns. Alucard: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it. ______

Reader: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you... Alucard: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey. ______

Reader: I’m doing what I can to jog your memory. Seras: It’s jogging, I guess. Its tiddies are jiggling a little. Reader: Nice. ______

Reader: Go fuck yourself. Alucard, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch Reader: GET OUT! ______

Reader: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free Blood packets. Alucard: Marry me. ______

Integra: We'll talk about this later. Alucard: Fine, I won’t be listening. ______

Reader: *about Seras and Integra* They make a cute couple, huh? Alucard: They certainly are standing next to each other. ______

Integra: Seras, you'll be working with Reader and Alucard. Seras: Alright! My fantasy threesome! Everyone else: *blank stares* Seras: ...Of people on a team. ______

Reader: Bad news—Seras locked herself outta the manor Reader: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith. Reader: Bad news—Integra finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute guys/girls/enbies. Reader: Good news—a cute guy/girl/enby saw me do it. Reader: Bad news—it was Alucard, and since they’ve already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, they’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. They know. ______

Alucard: Reader! I can't do this stupid math! Reader: What’s the math problem? Alucard: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes divide the legs, and hope we don’t multiply. Integra covering Seras' ears, while Reader smacks Alucard upside the head: Not going to lie that was hella smooth. ______

Alucard: He's Catholic

{°all are from satterpatters incorrect quotes generator°}

*at a zoo* Alucard: What are they in for? Reader: Alucard, this isn't prison. Alucard: So they can leave? Reader: No, but- Alucard, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone. ______

Reader: So, are you two friends? Seras: Yes. Alucard: No. ______

Integra: Why is it when something happens it always you three!? Alucard, Seras and Reader standing in her office looking down. Reader: Believe me, Sir Integra, I've been asking myself the same question for six years ______

Reader running into the room: Walter, I screwed up, big time. Walter: , given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific. ______

Reader, laying in bed: Get out of my room. Alucard, standing just outside of the door frame: I’m not in your room. _____

Reader: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare. Seras: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great. Reader: Not when you’re playing with Alucard, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.” _____

Integra: Today, Reader said a swear word, so Alucard said that they were going to wash Reader's mouth out with soap. Reader replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, they’ve been putting soap on their lips to blow bubbles. _____

Walter: Are you drunk? Reader: Only on the spirit of Christmas! Seras: And the spirit of whisky. ______ Walter: Dammit, Reader, you ruined everything! Reader: You’re welcome. ______ Integra: Where have you been all day? Reader: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level. ______

A/n: wazzupp! I'm back babies! and ive gotten back into hellsing once more so here you go! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Integra: I hope you have an explanation for this. Alucard: We have three actually- Reader: Pick your favorite. ______

Integra: Where’s Reader? Alucard: Around. Integra: Around? Integra: You don’t have any idea, do you? Reader, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling? Integra: *ready to start drinking* ______

Reader: Hey guys! I drew everyones soul! Integra: Why is Seras's a monster? Seras: Reader, you forgot Integra's! Its only an empty space! Reader, proudly: Exactly ______

Alucard: Why were you up yesterday until 3am? Reader: How did you know I was up until 3am? Seras: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes. Reader: Reader: IT MY ONLY SENSE OF HUMANITY LEAVE ME BE!! ______

Seras: Come to think of it… You’ve always been nice to me. Seras: I mean, you listen to all my problems- Reader: No, Seras I just simply stand here while you talk, there’s a big difference. ______

Alucard: *too walter after he betrayed them* look Walter, I'm not slut shaming you but... Alucard: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you. _____

Integra: You... you saved me. You're not a beast at all. YOU'RE A HERO, AN UGLY UGLY UGLY HERO! Reader:*still in beast form* Call me ugly again, and maybe I will eat you. ______

Reader: Here’s the cold medicine you asked for. Reader: *dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table* Integra: ...Thanks *pops open the first one* ______

Reader, excitedly: Heeyy!! Seras: Hey, someone's excited. Integra, deadpan: Yeah, and it's making me sick. ______

Alucard: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you? Reader: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right? ______

Reader, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Alucard, standing in front of Reader: *bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen* Reader, crying: Please...stop... ______

Seras: Guys, Alucard is missing. Reader: Good. Alucard and reader two seconds later: