#hello blue

It’s been four years since you last saw a blue aura.

Your grandmother continued to ask you, months after Jinyoung’s funeral, if you ever saw another.

Even though she told you you’d only ever see one, you knew she continued to ask in hopes that maybe you could find love again, in the end. 

You always told her no. There was never another. Your heart, you knew, would always and forever belong to one.

Everyday that had passed since you lost him became easier, slowly. You continued with your life, missing him and wishing he was by your side. But you knew that he’d cluck in annoyance at you if all you did was mope around after his death. 

There were bad days, days you missed your best friend and wanted nothing more than a latte and a conversation with him across from you.

For awhile, you didn’t drink lattes.

But then you knew drinking them was a good way to continue to remember. Because you had come to the decision that you didn’t want to forget Park Jinyoung.

Your Jinyoung. Your blue aura.

“Wow. Looking cute tonight. Hot date?”

You chuckle and playfully shove your co-worker, her smirk causing your own. “No! Please. There’s no time to date. I’m having dinner with my grandmother. She came to town to visit.”

She smiled, "Aw, how nice! Well get going then! I’ll see you Monday.”

You say your goodbyes and make it out of your office and into the elevator. You press the button that takes you to the parking garage and lean back against one of the windows once the doors shut. Your eyes close, a bit of your tiring day seeping out of your body. 

And suddenly, for a second when your eyes re-open, there’s a hazy blue in the reflection of the glass. Your body stiffens, hands clutching the metal bar you had been pressed against. 

The blue.

It was so familiar, like the blue you hadn’t seen for so long. Your heart beats rapidly in your chest and you’re scared to make any move at all. It wavers there, floating to your right like a cloud. When the elevator jolts, it’s suddenly gone and the doors open.

You’re alone again.

You step out slowly, slightly shaking. A mere second before the doors close again, you look back into the elevator.

And you swear you see Park Jinyoung.

“You love it here but you’ve barely touched your food darling.”

Your attention snaps to your grandmother as she pours you more tea, “Mianhaeyo halmeoni. Just…a long day.”

She smiles, “Must’ve been. Anything I can do to help?”

“No. Some rest over the weekend is all I probably need. But thank you.” “I worry about you sweetheart. At least tell me you’ve found a nice boy.”

You laugh, “Halmeoni. I told you. There’s…” “…there’s no one. I know. But still. I just…” “…worry. Really. I’m fine. Promise.”

She continues to smile, chopsticks picking at food. To satisfy her, you eat. She was right after all.

You loved this restaurant. 

It’s silent for a bit, your grandmother eating while you grappled with your thoughts.

The elevator. You swore you saw him. But it was impossible. You saw auras. Not ghosts.

Peeking at the woman in front of you, you swallow and clear your throat, “Halmeoni?”

“Hm?” “You said once, well when you told me about blue auras…” “I remember.” “I know it’s impossible but…” “But?”

You’re unsure how to phrase your question. How did one ask if you somehow could see the ghost of the boy you once loved?

Your grandmother’s eyes were trained on you, curious. You try and find the words but in the end, you change your mind. “Forget it halmeoni. It was a long time ago.”

Surprisingly, she lets you drop the topic, changing it to something else. You relay to her what’s been going on with work and as conversation continues, you start to forget about the blue in the elevator.

“If you were going to show up darling, I wish you would’ve just done it. Now you’ve got her all confused. Say your goodbyes. It’s been four years.”

“I know. Mianhaeyo halmeoni.”

She sighs, eyes locking with his, “No, I’m sorry. I know it’s hard. But you must.”

“I will. I promise.”

 It’s a month later when you see it again. The blue.

It was weird. After always seeing whites and grays, the blue was somehow refreshing. You look up from your book, the aura simply stationary in front of you.

You’re not shaken up. Not this time. Not when you know.

Leaning forward, you smile, “Annyeong Jinyoungie.”

The blue aura shifts and suddenly… …there he is.

Your eyes tear up and he smiles shyly at you, “Annyeong lab partner.” 

You laugh, as best you can because you’re also crying. “How,” you whisper, taking his hands in yours.

“No idea. The last thing I can remember is leaving the library. Halmeoni. She said I must have let something unfinished. I tried to figure it out, what it was, and I couldn’t. Until I saw you packing up my things. And…and I felt this pain. Like my chest was on fire. And I wanted to hold you and make you stop crying but I couldn’t touch you and…”

“I love you.”

He stops his blabbering, eyes widening as he meets yours. A few moments of silence pass before he throws his arms up. “Ah man no! I was supposed to say it first!”

“W-what?!”

He leans back against the couch, pouting. “I had this whole speech set up too. I was gonna tell you all these sappy, romantic things and then tell you I’ve been in love with you since we became lab partners but now…you went and ruined everything.”

You start to laugh, happy and sad tears mixing together. He watches you, smiling as his eyes take in every inch of you. His heart felt sad, he knew he couldn’t stay for long, but just a few more moments of this, of you, was worth it.

Coming forward again, he places a hand on your cheek and places his lips on yours. It takes you no time to adjust, pulling him towards you by the collar of his sweater. Lips graze against lips, eyes closed as hands splay across each other. You don’t know how or why but at this moment it didn’t matter. Four years. You lived without him for four years and having him right now in your arms felt like a dream you refused to wake up from.

When he pulls away, he doesn’t let go of you completely, arms pulling you into his lap before completely enveloping you. You nuzzle further, wanting more of the warmth he seemed to somehow be emitting. 

“I love you. And I don’t really know when it happened. You were just my lab partner. You were irritatingly positive all the time and overly smart. But then you started to grow on me. And before I knew it, I was looking for you. Even when we were together, I was looking for you. Always needing you. Always wanting you. And I’m…so sorry. That I didn’t tell you. That I let us just be without admitting to you how badly I wanted us to be more. And if I hadn’t stayed late that night…”

You lean up and capture his lips. He squeezes you tighter and when you smile at him, his eyes crinkle in the corner, just like you remembered. 

“Don’t apologize. Too much time has passed. What’s important is this moment. Where you love me. And I love you. And that’s it. So Jinyoungie…do me a favor?”

He kisses your forehead, “Anything.”

“Stay with me. I know…I know you can’t stay…not really. I don’t know how anything of this is possible. At least I don’t know anything besides what halmeoni has told me. But I think…I think I’m going to be okay when you go. But tonight…is there any chance you can stay?”

“Even if there wasn’t, I’d find a way.”

Morning comes, as it did every day after he had died.  The sun is warm on your chilled skin, like it was everytime the sun shone through your blinds.

The spot next to you is empty, the only evidence someone was there being indents in the sheets that were slowly disappearing. 

When you get up, your chest doesn’t feel as heavy as you thought it would. You feel light and warm, like the kisses he pressed against your shoulders as he held you in his arms. 

His goodbye wasn’t as painful as you figured it’d be, his last words before disappearing being the words you had always wanted to hear. 

You got ready for work, like you had done so many times before. But you hummed as you moved around, the picture of you and Jinyoung in your lab class, his arms slung around you as you both grinned at the camera, staring at you from your vanity…

…with a note stuck to it that you were sure would make you smile until the day you were reunited with him.

Saranghaeyo. My heart has, and will forever be, yours. Until we meet again.

A/N: Annnnddd that’s a wrap! I hope you enjoyed this final part to ‘Hello Blue’. Part three of ‘Leather and Onesies’ is coming so thank you for your patience. My new semester starts soon so let’s hope I can get my writing groove back swiftly, huh? Lol. Sending all my love.