#hello angst

I drink to our ruined home, To the evil of my life, To our loneliness together, And I drink to you— To the lying lips that betrayed us, To the dead-cold eyes, And to the harsh realities; That the world is brutal and coarse, That God did not save us. —Anna Akhmatova, ‘The Last Toast’

Hey, you're not mad at me, right?

....

Hey, say something.

....

Anything at all.

....

C'mon, you can't be that upset with me.

I am.

You spoke!

....

Aaaand you aren't talking to me again.

....

I tried, okay?

Clearly not hard enough.

Oh please. I really did, I swear!

You think this is some sort of game? A joke? You think this is something to fucking joke about?

No... I was just-

Just what?

....

Now you have nothing to say. Convenient.

Oh c'mon, I really did try.

No, you didn't.

How the hell do you know, huh? You aren't me!

I know you well enough to know you didn't want to try, and you didn't want to.

How the hell do you know that? You can't possibly know me more than I know me.

That may be true.

....so that's it?

What?

You're just... going to be mad at me? for something so little?

Hah. Of course you find it something so small.

....

Just go away. I don't want to talk to you.

You don't mean that.

You don't know me. Isn't that right?

Hey, you can't-

Shut. Up.

....

Do me a favor. And leave.

....

Alright, I'll leave first.

No, wait! please!

....

Don't go... I can't lose you too. Please...

END.

Chapter Five

I know a lot of you are on the edges of your seats, wondering what happened in the past...we finally get a glimpse of Lily's past in this chapter! enjoy!

Lily's settled into the- wake up, study, eat the bare minimum, study- routine quickly. She’s still sleeping on Marlene’s couch by week 4 - her flat searching futile and the dorms out of the question. Starting in Semester two was a slight curveball in logistics as well as making friends. Majority of the students in her course were paired or grouped up already, and Lily always felt like she was infiltrating friend groups when she came across larger groups. She does love the work though, loves problem solving, the magic of learning science still hasn’t lost its spark. Learning at a university level is above and beyond learning at her local college. She gets to use sparkling labs and impressive equipment, she gets to listen to top lecturers and gets to lose herself in the towering bookshelves of the library.

Marlene loves her being around, no matter how much Lily can see she’s encroaching on her personal space. The flat isn’t big, and Lily’s had Marlene huff multiple times by taking too long in the bathroom. She does however love Lily’s cooking, which is probably half the reason Marlene hasn’t sticky taped for lease notices on her forehead while she sleeps.