#hellbilly pulpit

The HellBilly Pulpit: Time is a Fraud.

Well, at least the current standard and practice of measuring time and how it affects us.

Our ancestors, thousands of years ago, didn’t have clocks to follow.  They relied on the natural order of things to help them keep track: the moon, the stars, and the seasons to name a few.

It amuses me at times. To sit here and watch people, myself included, unfortunately, base everything on this idea of the time we all follow knowing that it’s all a man-made premise.

How old am I? How old are you? Who really knows? It was practically arbitrarily decided that XYZ equals the months, days, and years we follow.

Measuring time started out as a way to keep track of the weekly Sabbaths, but there was much debate on when this actually occurred. So modern timekeeping started to be used as a way to take “man and the creator” out of the equation. This was based on the lunar cycle. The most attuned way of keeping time out of man's hands and rearrangement of cycles is using “Atomic Time” which keeps its rhythm with the moon and the stars. This sounds fine to me, but in the end, it is still a manmade practice used to determine the passing of time, which continues to still be “tweaked” by leap years and the days in a month.

We have to follow these rules of time to keep managed and maintained. Everything is rushed or put off based on these principles. “We have a deadline to meet”, “you have two days to turn it in”, or “you have a month till you go on vacation”, and so on and so on. So with the way of things, you don’t get to really experience life by always looking at your watch or phone for when it’s time to do the next chore or go to the next place. Humans were not meant to be in these little uniformed rows following each other to the same cadence. We evolved from nomads that were always on untethered journeys. But now, “You have to be back at…” is what they always say when you go on a trip now. It gives that feeling like you have to make it back at that certain point no matter what, regardless of if you have to shorten your trip or the sights you wanted to see.

No, I can’t sit comfortably here and do this anymore. I’m of an age where my hair is mostly gray, my body hurts for no reason, and even sometimes just sleeping in a certain way will jack me up for days. I know by those measurements, I’m getting older. I don’t need your clocks to tell me that my 20s were 20 some years ago. I can see it in my face when I look into the mirror. I can see it in my kids as they grow older. The clock is irrelevant to these things.

It’s all corrupt. It goes along with the wonderful concept of capitalism. It’s really rather brash if I think about it enough. Just the plain idea of man’s audacity to try to control how time is measured is incredible.

I mentioned before you can follow or observe any of the natural ways to keep track of your time. The modern use of the clock as a means to regulate our days only really just began in the 20th century.

All of our occult kin have our methods and practices to pace ourselves, a tremendous amount of groups or practices follow the moon for most rituals just as our Native American friends and others track by its stages.

The druids built Stonehenge, Sailors used the stars, and ancient travelers could judge by the position of the sun. We as pagans and heathens have to keep this in mind to live our best life. We are not bound to the clock other than when we have to get our kids from school or get to our dentist appointments.

I mostly use the change of seasons to remember how long ago something really was. Like when I think of the first ritual I attended 13 summers ago, or that I have been with my partner these 11 summers now. I’ve found this can help to keep from being so distracted and miserable watching the hours tick away every day to relate it to the experiences that you have had since that certain event, or how much life you have to look forward to experiencing before going on that next vacation or having that next anniversary

Get back to your roots.  As the stars and sun have their dance. They don’t care what day we call it, or what “time it is”. They just keep doing what it is they do… We should too.

Ava Satanis

The HellBilly Pulpit: The Brooding Time - Gen X in the ’90s

What can I say that hasn’t been said already about the 90s and Gen X?

Maybe, I can just reflect on what it was like from my point of view during that amazing time.

I was in high school and if I only knew then what I know now lol. I remember this was when I first became aware of what was going on in life. I was listening to something new that I had just bought, it was nothing like I’d heard before-, Alice in Chains Facelift and I thought to myself, here it is, this is a new beginning, MY beginning, I can be anything and whoever I want to be.

My time was a bit “in-between” so to speak. Big hair and glam metal were fading away and Grunge was just starting to break the surface. So weird that in-between time. We/I didn't know where to go.

During these next few years, I saw things that are now just footnoted in pop culture, although through the eyes of wonder. We didn’t have cell phones and youtube and we BARELY had anything that resembled the internet. Social media was Mtv and Mtv2. Ren and Stimpy, Beavis and Butthead, Nickelodeon, and man was it fun. We saw Waco go down, the first attack on the trade center, the first gulf war, and President Clinton. Oh, man... We also had Achy Breaky Heart and the first Gen Power Rangers. Comedy for us teens was a mixture of everyday humor, to that cutting edge of the adult world just peppered in there. It was glorious. I remember laughing harder in that time frame than I have through most of my adult life so far. Things were cool. Things were carefree. Things were getting weird.

Then something happened. We got broody, angsty, annoyed, and irritated. We didn’t end up being like our older brothers and sisters who were so eager to live out what our parents wanted for them. We didn’t want to be told who we were supposed to be. A lot of us watched our parents work themselves stupid as we became latchkey kids. Minimal supervision and a shift in our reality all fed into this, “life sucks and everything is dreary” sort of attitude that became what a lot of us perceive as “gen x”. We went from Disney to Tim Burton. We were determined to break that mold and stop living what everyone wanted us to do and be ourselves. We became the “slackers and the losers” (thanks Beck for the unofficial theme song), and not caring as each day that passed was just another dreary reminder that we did, didn’t matter in the end. Life sucks and reality bites.

Music changed our lives instantly. Record stores were a thing and we could immerse ourselves in just about any genre or style you could think of. Man, we were an eclectic bunch. My tape rotation consisted of Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden one minute and then Slayer, Pantera, Suicidal Tendencies, Danzig, and Metallica the next. The more intense, the better. It was cathartic to know that what I felt inside was felt by others too. The music told me that I’m not alone. That still resonates today, sometimes even more with all of the subgenre and side projects that my favorite bands have spawned or influenced since that time.

There was no shortage of fuel for our fire either. We had The Craft, The Crow, Nine Inch Nails, and Tool all reaching out to open our minds and set us free. White Zombie beat the normal out of us and threw on the dirt, it was amazing. Korn brought out our anger and set it on fire.  Big shorts and pants before Jnco’s were a thing. The Blair Witch, Lalapalooza, the second Woodstock, skateboards, piercings, tattoos, and punk rock on top of it all! The freaks were in and we weren’t going away!

In the latter part of the 90s, I was in the military for a brief time, got married at 20, and thought I had life planned out... SMACK- I was discharged, divorced, and living with my bros to watch the turn of the century. Lol... Y2K! Your computers are gonna die!!! Man, we were stupid back then... Wait.. we still are... Maybe worse lol.

I embraced my time as a slacker in the military where my ideals were definitely not what the military needed or wanted. I found myself once again, outcast and brooding. I discovered that I wasn’t just socially different, I was spiritually different. Basic Training found a lot of us regretting our decisions and looking for comfort. I tried the church only to find it just felt too generic. All of the people in the pews reciting the same prayers, praying for the same things, and just being immersed in their cookie-cutter spirituality. It did not speak to my individual wants or needs or feelings. I wanted... No, I needed something more. This wasn’t for me.

Enter the occult. Enter paganism. Enter the anti-established religion mentality.

I started out with learning about some ancient celt myth and magick (my first book), from there I kind of branched out in about a half dozen different ways. I read about Satanism, Wicca, Atheism, and tons of things in between. Mind that when I started this road to discovery, I was an enlisted soldier in the US Army. these things did not go over well with those in charge. We had a prayer once before a holiday-themed run where I did not participate. I stood there, looking around, being respectful to those who were participating, but  I was called into the office and asked if I practiced “the dark arts”. I had to laugh. Such a blanket, stereotype pinned on me for just being true to myself. They must have seen my barracks room. Blacked out with various metal band merch laying about with the quasi shrine to Marilyn Manson. The incense and what probably struck them more than anything was the lack of any Christian-themed propaganda, I mean decor. :)

All of this lead me to believe all the more that I was on the right path when I stood out as an individual enough to make people question who I am and what “is wrong with me”. This was the new brood infecting their rank and file and I’d like to think that I set a path for others that came after me.

When I was discharged and went home, I felt out of place. I had a new appreciation for the world, nature, and humanity all because of staying true to who I wanted to be even beyond the brainwashing that I endured. That is another story for another time though...

Those years in the ’90s really were a crazy time to come of age. But I wouldn’t change a thing about it. It set me up for life’s later difficulties and triumphs.

It was the brooding time.

Ava Satanis

HBVV

The HellBilly Pulpit: Fly Children, Fly

It’s a mess. 

This country. This world.

Our grandparents and parents have not done much to progress this world. 

We are still living with racism, classism, poverty, hunger, and homelessness. This is 2022. We should have evolved much farther beyond this by now. But here we are. Those in power, stay in power with antiquated ideas and sensibilities.

Enough is enough.

I’m going to tell you a bit of advice. I’m coming from the position of an outsider myself. A black sheep. An anomaly to my surroundings. So please. Don’t dismiss my thoughts as some middle-aged man who doesn’t get it.  I do, I did, and hope to keep up with it.

Children, younglings, teens, and young adults. Get up!  Get out there and make a difference.  Go vote. Go fight for a cause. Don’t take anyone looking down their nose at you. Don’t let them make you complacent.  You all are some of the most diverse and free-thinking people in decades and the world will soon be yours to make what it should be.

The boomer's days are numbered. Their numbers are thinning.

Take the opening and learn how things SHOULD work and get them back that way.

Be kind. Be open-minded.

Reach out to those who have less and try to help wherever you can. Set an example for your younger siblings and children of your own that you can be proud of.

Make chaos. Make anarchy. Make noise. Beat on their doors and tell them that you’ve had enough. It’s time for the new blood to take charge.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for any part of this situation that the elders have left you all in. I’m sorry for any part that I may have been inadvertently involved in. I saw my errors and decided that I wasn’t taking part anymore.

Empathy. Compassion. That is what is going to make the world a better place.

Believe in your science. Believe in your art. This can be a dawning of a new age and I want to see what fires you all can start.

Deconstruct religion! Tear down the church's walls. Be like those pagans before us and realize what your truth is that you carry in your heart.

Cast your spells. Speak to the other side. Look at the mother moon and ask her what guidance she can offer.

Your cards and your divine gifts will help you keep your moral path. Don’t give in. Don’t just give up, refuse to grow up! Don’t let the brimstone and fire stories they used to scare you with, keep you from walking your path.

In my spiritual path, I don’t necessarily follow one set of ideals. I use many from many sources to help me feel aligned and in touch with my soul and its connection to the universe. I’ve meditated on this issue, I’ve thought long and hard and tried to put my best energy out into the world to try to help make it a reality.

Part of what drives me is my connections to my ancestors. I’ve asked for guidance or any clues as to what the solution could possibly be. The thing I come back to again and again is that our solutions lay not with my generation, but with those following on our heels. I truly feel that this could work. So I write to you all. I try to reach out to give hope where there is none. Strength to bolster someone’s weaknesses. I write to express my message that all is not truly lost. That we need to come together in our dismissal of “normalcy” and show the world what they didn’t know they were missing.

You may not think so now. But I’m telling you all… this reality is temporary and it’s all clay in your hands.

Remember, you can cause more from chaos within.

I hope you all use your intelligence and spiritual knowledge to make this world a better place.  Make it what it should have been so long ago. These old fucks aren’t going to do it.  It’s time for you to take the reigns and get this world back on the right track.

I believe in you. My brothers and sisters believe in you. Ask us for any help you need. We will boost you up. We will give you all the advice we can along with all the support we can.

Fly Children, Fly.

Don’t look back.

Ava Satanis

HBVV

The HellBilly Pulpit: Music: infused in my DNA

A little more of an upbeat subject this month and one of my favorite topics in general.

Music.

As far back as I can remember, music has always been a part of me. From those times in my earliest memories when it was country music of the late ’70s (I am in Appalachia after all) on the radio that was always on, or my dad belting out his favorite songs to sing at his band practices or the last black metal album I got into last week. I’ve loved it all.

It’s a family rite of passage. My grandfather was a fiddler, mandolin, and guitar player - and he brought up my dad in much the same way. Music.

Me, I’m a drummer and used to be an aspiring singer, but not so much these days. Age, time, and opportunity have not gotten along very well to be able to be active for a while now.

But even though I’m not playing, there is always, ALWAYS, a soundtrack in my head. I carry earbuds with me everywhere and I have extra pairs stashed in multiple areas. I need it. I breathe it.

My tastes have certainly changed since those early days. I went from the country-western background to the complete opposite end of the spectrum and everything in between. I didn’t even know there were other types of music until my parent’s split up and I moved down off the mountain, lol. But there it was. Rock radio on the bus to and from school in the mornings and my mind was blown.

Michael Jackson, Roy Orbison, Tears for Fears, George Michael - on and on and on. Anyone who was anyone in the mid to late 80’s that you can think of. I was like a sponge absorbing it all.

I didn’t have a particular genre that really pulled me in. Until, (lol) of all things, ZZ Top. Man what a ride that was. It was ZZ and then Aerosmith and with that came all of the hair metal, Motley Crue, Gn’R, Skid Row, man it was electric! Then.. Nirvana happened and it was the turn of another page.

I could literally go on and on and on about the different influences that sprang out of those early days. But, I want to bring it to my adult years and where I realized just how important music really is to me.

I’m a metalhead. First and foremost. I love a lot of genres but metal is my soul.

A soundtrack to many moonlit nights, bonfires, and adventures. I turned face-first into the goth aesthetic.

Candelabras, crushed red velvet, incense, an entire wardrobe of black. I let the outside match the inside. Black metal, pentagrams, and corpse paint. They all lifted my spirits better than any drug I've ever tried.

I had three defining bands, one was The Misfits, the second GWAR, and then Cradle of Filth.

Those guitars and double bass riffs made me imagine that I was floating in a river of sound waves that would wash over me and take me wherever they wanted to.

I'm sure you know that feeling. When you know, you know. That riff, that chorus, that solo of that song that grafts itself to your brain. Your tastes may change, but you'll always be able to come back to that moment every time that song plays.

Now, there is also the use of music in rituals. Adding just the right soundtrack before, during after your practice, your prayers, your offerings.

This to me is as much a part of the magick as your wand, your cards, or candles. Music helps set the mood and your mindset to be open and receptive and to offer a hospitable place for your deities and ancestors to have a tranquil and receptive gathering place as you go through your rites.

There’s something about finding just the right soundtrack and how it can transport you to another time and another place. You feel it in your soul, it helps transcend you to another level of connection to your deeper self.

I have always used some kind of ambient, instrumental music, as described from videos as “Pagan” or “Norse” or “Celtic” and that has always set the tone just fine.

One night I discovered a deeper connection to my spirituality and music like I had never known before. It anchored itself to my core. (I hope everyone gets to have a true experience like I had and can make it their own). I was enjoying a playlist from YouTube that was in this category of “pagan” music as I had mentioned and relaxingly fell asleep. But, I woke up in the middle of the night and was completely and totally transfixed by what I was witnessing. It spoke to me in a way that no other group or artists in this genre had ever come close to hitting. A group named Heilung. Absolutely amazing. That’s when I felt that pull on my soul from the inside and understood that I was missing an element in my spiritual life. When you know something that connects to you from the past deep inside you, don’t let it go. Embrace it, let it speak to your subconscious letting it take you further into your spells and ceremonies than you ever thought possible.

No matter your religion or practice be it Pagan, Christian, Satanic, or anything in between. There's a soundtrack out there that will add just that extra element to your setting and your practice.

A poesy for the music ingrained into us that gives us our motivation and soundtracks to memories.

Spilling into your mind

Like a dam that broke away

Sonic envelopment

Rhythmic understanding

Lifting you higher and higher

When you didn’t know you were down

There’s nothing as moving as music

When your soul is so hard to be found

Ava Satanis HBVV

The HellBilly Pulpit: Come to Silver…

Come to Silver…

We are a new breed. The first generation to not adapt to the typical middle-aged monotony. No Golf shirts or shorts, no adult contemporary or easy listening radio. No, we are not going to adapt to that “norm”. We are going to make our own path in life... Still.

I know my brothers and sisters of Gen X have a totally new perception (imagine that lol) of what it is to get older.

No. We will NOT grow up. We will NOT be complacent. We will NOT be “normal” or “act our age.”

We are still going to wear our t-shirts and jeans (or cargo shorts ha!), get tattooed and piercings, and forever be loyal to our rock ‘n roll (or whatever genre floats your boat). We are still going to go to concerts and act a fool!

Who said that just because you’re “old” you have to be boring and stagnant?

I wear my gray in my beard as a badge of honor. We’ve been through some shit and we’ve seen better days. But here we are. Still angst-ridden as fuck and goddamn annoyed by everything.

We are coming to take control from the boomers (our parents) and telling them to sit the fuck down and shut up! They’ve once again, embarrassed us with their cluelessness the same way they did when we were kids. This time just on a grander scale.

We are gonna pave the way for the next generation so that they can jump into the driver’s seat and leave all of this bullshit behind where it belongs.

It’s a real mindfuck to look back and see where we have been and how long ago it really was, but it seems like just yesterday in so many ways.

There’s an awakening (not in the force young padawans) of a new spirituality. The new primitives are here. Witches- Satanists- Occultists of all sorts are stepping out of the shadows. We are reevaluating what our spirituality means to us.

I’ve lived in their gospel, only to be pushed back and embarrassed or shamed. Well, yes. I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed of the old school establishment. The patriarchy. The ignorance. The lack of empathy. And the lack of common-goddamned-sense.

The gods, the earth, the moon, and the sun are all speaking to us now. They are telling us to put our emotions and intentions out into this world so that they can manifest and become so much more with the power of many coming together. It’s amazing to think, to know, that your intentions and energy are out there in the world and that they matter in the grand scheme of things. It’s time to find our voices in speaking out against the established/organized religion(s) and fight for fairness, not just for ourselves, but for everyone in the world, especially those who cannot speak for themselves.

Listen with your heart, your mind, and your feelings. Let yourself be gravitated to what needs you. Trust yourself and feel. Claim your cauldron, find those stones. Make them not just your tools, but extensions into the world. Make your offerings, speak your spells! Your soul will feel it and your mind will crave it. Just let the feelings out to flow with the waves of the now. Be true to yourself and others.

Take your time mid-agers, you Gen x kids. Your younger brothers and sisters need us to lead by example so that they can take up the reigns and fight, fight, fight for everyone and everything… as above and as below…

They need us.

Ava Satanis

HBVV

The HellBilly Pulpit: The Stigma of the Stigma

Saturated

This is a painful, yet necessary entry. It envelops me and I must address the situation.

There is a real issue in this country, or even the world over, about mental health. You can't see it in someone. You can have no idea just how bad someone is suffering. Suffering because they don't have a choice. Their problems are discounted, downplayed, and even ridiculed. But make no mistake. They are very much real to those who live it.

This is a personal account of just this sort of thing.

There was a certain movie that came out in 2019 that had a line that sums up the truth. “The worst part about having a mental illness is that people expect you to act as if you don’t.”

I can not agree with this more.

I am currently going through a situation where this exact scenario is taking place. I know that I am not alone in my struggles. I feel that there are probably many of you out there with a similar story.

This pandemic over the last two years has completely laid to waste many of the daily rituals and habits that I had spent my entire life building just to be able to function as a (semi) normal person on any given day.

I suffer from OCD- Anxiety- Depression- and ADHD. That is one heck of a ride as it is, but toss on the pandemic and it’s a real rollercoaster that is out of my control. My job is not very critical. It’s deemed “essential” because of the relation to the finance market it has. Honestly, that’s just a super vague excuse to keep us going to work at the boss’s wishes. Some of us have been working from our dwellings for two years. The problem with this is that now is the time when the bosses want to start pulling people back into the office a couple of days a week despite the current spike of COVID cases. In doing this they have said, “all safety measures will be implemented”. What a crock.

I expressed my concerns about coming back not only because of this new surge of the newest variant but also because the situation really hasn’t changed any in the last few months from what it was in 2020. My coworkers and my boss know that I have OCD (extreme contamination fears) already with the workplace, but now, as I’m sure some are aware, it’s been kicked up a bunch of notches. My concerns were met with deaf ears. It was like this friend (who happened to be my boss) completely disregarded my concerns in dealing with trying to resume “normal” life. My life never was normal and now it’s even a different version than it was two years ago.

The sum- “get over it, you’re needed here… get here”

It didn’t matter what I said about the situation. Now, in this nightmare cocktail of disorders, I have developed a huge amount of empathy for others, especially if they are having any of the mental struggles that I am having. I spoke up that this is not just for me that I am bringing these things to attention, but for others that don’t have the same platform or comfortability to say for themselves.

The sum- “stop being a baby”.

Long story short… Thankfully I have a great therapist and doctor who knows how deep in the weeds I am with all of this and they have helped me sort out the situation, much to the annoyance of my bosses, so that I can continue to remain a cave dweller for the time being.

My point is this… it’s been said but it’s true and bears repeating. There is a stigma about mental health.

A person can be burning inside with the torment of depression and anxiety and any or all of the little variations or caravan of side issues that accompany any one of them. BUT.. since it is not a physical ailment, it’s perceived that it does not exist. Why? Why is it that to be taken even a little bit seriously, there has to be a physical manifestation of an ailment?

To add to the fact that I am a middle-aged male does nothing but amp up the opinions of others who don’t understand, nor do they want to understand what we go through inside.

For some of us, just the simple act of getting out of bed and putting that first foot on the floor takes ALL of our willpower, and we often sit right back down to attempt to regain it all over again. Or we drag ourselves to the shower only to stand in there and let the water try to distract us and wash away our pain. Knowing that in about an hour, we are going to have to put on our “normal” face and walk into the world carrying that weight on our backs that nobody sees.

There was a joke that I heard a few days ago- The doctor asks the patient if they have had any issues with depression or anxiety recently. The patient says, “doesn’t everybody?” and the doctor said... “No.”. That hit. That was an eye-opening moment. Not everyone knows what that is like. I can’t fathom that.

I have this group of bosses that have known me for years, as I said earlier, and they know that this is me. They know that I’ve been in therapy and medicated for years. And like any other millions of bosses out there in the world, they didn’t care.

It’s a mission of mine to bring as much attention as I can to the stigma surrounding mental health. That I can express how important focus on mental health is.

If you were to break a leg, you'd wear your cast and take your painkillers. Well, when dealing with your mental health, what's broken is your brain, your spirit, your ambition, and your will - the invisible things that people can’t see.

Seek out the help that you need - be it from a professional, family, your best friend, or someone you know who just “gets” you.

Reach out in your prayers, spells, cards, or whatever you use to help guide you. Your spirituality may be a surprising comfort in new ways that you hadn't thought of. I’ve found that I can rest my anxiety with a cleansing shower, letting the water run, cool not cold, over me as I focus my intent and purpose of removing the negativity that has attached itself to me.

I also use meditation to refocus and empty my mind by sitting in a dark room with my favorite ambient music to rest and let my mind float and take me wherever it wants to go. Falling asleep this way is ok as well, I’ve found that’s a great formula for a relaxing nap.

Tarot. This is new to me. I’ve started with a simple shuffle and letting my thoughts go into my cards. Not necessarily asking for a definitive answer, maybe just some insight that I may be missing myself that the cards can lead me to.

I’ve always been interested in the cards, but always as a spectator. I’ve recently met a few people who have some good experience with giving readings to people. I asked one of them a few weeks ago to give me a reading. He lives over in Europe and there’s a good bit of time difference but he is the first to inspire me to get a deck of my own. He did a reading for me, simple pull, nothing fancy and he came up with a certain card in a certain position and it corresponded with my current station in life. That was an eye-opening experience. To have someone do a reading with their cards for ME after all this time of being curious.

My second friend that I’ve turned to for guidance in the cards also did a reading for me. This was maybe 3 or 4 days after the first. This person is stateside and not far from me. I feel this is an important detail. She pulled my cards and one of the cards jumped out of the deck as she started to shuffle. This was the same card that my friend overseas pulled for me as well.

That was it. I’m in.

I bought my first deck. The one in the picture for this blog and I’m ready to start down that path of self-discovery that I’m learning is possible to achieve.

Tarot. Always curious. Never studied. Now I’m ready for the insight that is possible through the cards.

Opening my mind and spirit to the universe, I have found that this has been one of the most refreshing feelings in the world.

I try to live by the idea that the energy that you put out into the universe, will come back to you. Don’t be afraid to look within yourself and use the tools you feel compelled to use and are comfortable with. You’ll be much for the better than allowing the demons to hang out in your mind 24/7.

Always remember that you are not alone.

I promise you.

We are here and we reach out with open arms to be the support that you didn't know you needed.

Take care of yourselves everyone.  

Be cool

I leave you again this month with another poesy. This was inspired by the cards themselves.

Fnip.. fnip.. fnip... Sitting and shuffling Brooding and clenching The flutter of the cards calming my senses What will they show? Maybe they haven’t determined yet Guide me on my path, lead the way Give me insight, security Calm my thoughts Show me what you want to say Ava Satanis HBVV

The Hellbilly Pulpit: The Hellbilly Poet Commences

`HELL-o all!

I’m @hellbillyvvitch and I’m here to engulf you with my love of poetry and prose. I am however a realist. There are no sunshine and rainbows, nor puppy-dog love to be found in my writing. I cut myself to the bone, bleeding out thoughts and feelings. I will take you to the darkest, loneliest corners of my mind sharing my thoughts and feelings, leaving nothing sacred.

My little corner of the blog “The HellBilly Pulpit” will be about the influences of religion, music, art, mental illness, society at large, and 

what I take away from the world’s treatment of all of these, and how this Appalachian Hellbilly comes to terms.

I started out writing lyrics for some of the trash punk/metal bands that I was in back in my youth and over the years it has become a part of me. A place to release my internal anguish, misery, and frustration. And with the way that 2020/2021 has unfolded, I was given a chance to review who I am and where I truly want to go with my writing future.

What I’ve learned is you will always be evolving. It’s never too late to learn something new. Don’t be afraid to bleed on your page. Be you. Be real. Be honest. Be art.

I hope you enjoy what I have to offer. I hope it entertains and gets you to think about the bigger picture that surrounds you.

I look forward to what comes next. Ava Satanis! Talk to you soon H.B.VV

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The Hellbilly Pulpit Blog by @hellbillyvvitch @thehellbillypulpit

The HellBilly Pulpit: Greed vs Honor

Ethics, Valued on principal or money?

I’m just a small town, rural individual with my highest education being of a high school graduate, so this opinion of mine doesn’t come from a highly educated point of view, but rather from my life experience, common sense, and empathy.

Corporations. We all know they are wicked and do what they need to do for the almighty dollar. There have been recent changes in my life that are spurred on by a new entity taking over my work program that has been in active service since 2004.

The names have changed, but the management hasn’t really. That’s not really a bad thing in and of itself, but we have been happy with our little “work family” and we had some success in what we do over the years.

However, now that a new player that sits on the international stage has entered the game, things are no longer as they once were.

Where we once valued the employees' welfare and morale, we have pushed away for what is most efficient. Where we used to be about helping our customers being the top priority, has been relegated to a “get 'em in, get 'em out” mentality. The core of the information that we used to provide has gone from “what can we do to assist/educate you…” being the priority to making their overall experience their top priority. Damnit to hell if the information was correct, but were the customers “happy” with their contact resolution.

This is frustrating to no end for a career customer service rep. Such as myself of 22 years. This mentality and hospitality do not go hand in hand. Our company leaders have just thrown their hands up in submission and have had little to no say in how things are being run now. There’s been no attempt at a compromise. There has been no communication to the workers about the upcoming changes going into effect other than the date they are taking effect. Minimal training, minimal explanation of what the new direction is going to be. Nothing more than a “wait and see” type of mentality. One of the buzzwords in all of this has been transparency. LOL. Usually, when that word is tossed about daily as much as anything else, there is behind it, little or no transparency to speak of.

Jobs change. Corporate structures and mission statements change. That’s all well and good and expected. But, the problem that eats at me and my coworkers on this subject is that the management that we had come to have unwavering faith in, has all buckled to the new processes without sticking up for any of the employees. Some of us have been here for almost 20 years. This seems to matter little to anyone and is tossed aside as the way things are shaping to be.

This isn’t rocket science. The reason most people have come to terms with a company being evil, heartless and gutless is because of the lack of transparency, to the contrary of what they preach.

There has been much backstabbing and mud-throwing these last few weeks. All of the upper management’s actions are suspect and nobody is willing to call them out on it. Except me. I’m calling them out on their disrespect to not only the workplace, the workers, or their families, but also to the fact that they have done nothing but become pandemic deniers and self-righteous zealots preaching about how things are going to be different, how things are going to change for the better.

Nonsense.

The little company that once was run by the locals, the ones that knew what the hardships and struggles look like in this area, has become nothing but an extended tentacle of ignorance and disregard for their friends, neighbors, and citizens. They have forgotten that we are people first and foremost and NOT just another replaceable drone. The climate has changed from ethical to greed-laden ignorance.

Be careful what you wish for my friends. The universe is powerful and may throw something back at you that you wanted all along, but it could be one hell of a ride getting there.

Just because a company can do something, doesn’t always mean that it should. Especially when it’s money vs. ethics.

If you find yourself in a situation that your “gut” tells you doesn’t seem quite right, go with it. It’s usually right. I should have seen the writing on the wall long before this, but I allowed my trust in people to hold onto their morals and nature/nurture to the best of their ability and I have been beyond extremely disappointed that they fell far short of the credit I had always given them.

I’ve been doing this for far too long and have come to the realization that this is not life. Humans were not designed to sit indoors in small little cubicles or stuck in factories with little to no hope of truly living a happy life. We toil away at what we think is important not realizing what it is that is slipping away. However, humans do need work to do. That is a fact. But the hierarchy of work vs. quality of life needs to seriously be reevaluated. (at least here in the states, I know some of you out there do not have this same problem, or at least not in the same magnitude).

I am tired. I am worn out, burnt out, and exhausted from doing this wash-rinse-repeat cycle, again and again, to see that I’m no better now than where I was ten years ago. I’ve asked for guidance, I’ve asked for strength. I’ve asked for help in letting me escape this self-imposed prison and make a clean break.

Let me tell you, at least as far as I’m concerned… What you put out there in the universe, what you ask for... Well, you better be ready for what comes back to you.

I made a request for cleansing and guidance for 2022 for not only personal growth but to also help me find a way to leave my current job by the end of the year. I wrote my needs/wants/goals on my trusty writing tablet and set each one ablaze while pushing out and focusing on my intent to the universe. Meditating and musing on just how these changes I was reaching out for would play out if they would play out in a way that I would recognize. In my heart and my mind and my soul, I knew that I needed change. I was not going to be able to continue to be a functioning adult on any level if I kept on the same path that I was at the time.

The universe listens.

Now, here is where the “be careful what you ask for” warning comes into play. I received my sign... My assistance, just recently but, there has been a price to pay. I’m losing friends, I’m losing some great co-workers, and I’m seeing the true colors of people I used to depend on just change completely. I asked for help thinking that maybe I was just asking for confidence to just let go, to be able to redesign and reevaluate my life and make the necessary changes so that I may have real change.

But, what I’m getting is that and more. It’s made the filter I’ve used to look through at people in my life drop away and now, I’m seeing those people in their petty and vindictive personas, as they look for loopholes to make me and others seem like failures at what we do. And I now have to sit here and fight for my honor so that I can still look myself in the mirror in the coming days. This has made me very conscious of my actions and just what kind of consequence comes from my decisions. I must train myself now to be even more vigilant and make sure I’m doing the right thing by my conscious and to what I think, no believe, that my ancestors themselves would do or approve of themselves. Every little decision goes to the universe, whether it’s your god, your own morality, or what you fear you need to do to be successful in this life to be able to continue to your next level afterward. Your spirit world, whatever it may be that you believe in, I believe 100% is watching you and will either slap you down if you get carried away or keep pushing you along if you are struggling.

As Jeff Goldblum says in Jurassic Park- “life…finds a way”.

Be good to those around you. The universe is watching.

Ava Satanis