#heathersplash

CW- Cat Death, Mild Blood

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Writings of BranchClan #6- Spiderstep

The air was cool.

Spiderstep woke up with a gasp. It was morning, the sun hanging high in the sky. A light breeze hit her body, making her purr softly as she slowly rose to her paws.

She blinked, looking around. She had been so exhausted the night before, after digging herself out of…

Her…Grave.

She was supposed to be dead.

She died.

Oh, StarClan, she had died.

So how was she…?

Spiderstep sighed. That didn’t matter now, did it?

She had to get back to camp.

The journey wasn’t long. Spiderstep used her nose to follow the scent of cats. Cats she didn’t recognize. How much had changed?

Finally, she saw it. BranchClan’s camp entrance. It looked nicer than Spiderstep remembered. The bushes were flowering, and just looked fuller in general.

The camp already looked lived in, and all she could see was the entrance.

Two strange cats sat at the entrance. A white molly with golden patches and bright green eyes, and a brown tabby tom. The tabby was large, but had a youthful look in the face. Must’ve been an apprentice.

Both of the cats stared at Spiderstep as she approached. The brown tom bristled, standing up straight. Spiderstep noticed that his right hindpaw was twisted at an unnatural angle, but that didn’t stop him from stepping forward with a lashing tail with raised hackles and a low growl rumbling in his throat.

“Who are you!?” The tom demanded. “What are you doing here?”

“Um…I’m Spiderstep. I live here.” Spiderstep replied, staring at the tom with a frown. “Let me talk to Owlshade.”

“You know Owlshade!?” The tom’s eyes widened, and he took a step back. “How do we know you’re not gonna come in and kill everyone? Or take all our prey? Or-”

“Dewpaw, don’t worry!” The ginger-patched she-cat purred, stepping forward and nudging Dewpaw out of the way. She looked at Spiderstep, looking her up and down before staring into her eyes, head tilted slightly. 

Spiderstep forced her back fur not to bristle. “Please stop doing that.”

“Oh, pardon me!” The she-cat chirped, straightening her posture. “I just…I cannot believe you’re here! I’ve been waiting for this!”

“...What-”

“I’ve been told about this day since I was a kit!” The she-cat stood on two legs (how was she doing that) and clapped her front paws (how in StarClan’s name was she doing that). “Anyway…Please, call me The Doctor. Or just Doctor. I don’t care…Just please don’t call me Doc.”

“Nice to meet you, Doctor.” Spiderstep dipped her head politely. She then turned her attention to Dewpaw. “And you’re Dewpaw, I assume?”

“Yes!” Dewpaw meowed in reply. “I-I…I think I heard someone calling me! Bye!” He turned and bolted away, into the camp.

“Don’t mind him. He’s a weirdo.” The Doctor meowed, turning with a flick of their tail. “Come, come, Spiderstep. I’m sure there’s some cats who will be happy to see you.”

Spiderstep nodded, padding after The Doctor into BranchClan’s camp. The clearing was already bustling with activity. So many cats she didn’t recognize, all gathered together in one place…It made her stomach twist with anxiety.

Some of the cats looked at her as she passed. She caught a glimpse of a white tom with gray patches leaning over to whisper to a gray and white molly. 

They’re talking about me, I’m sure. Spiderstep thought to herself, feeling her ears press against her head.

The Doctor finally stopped at the entrance of a den. The medicine den. Spiderstep recognized it like the back of her paw…Which was still a bit dirty from digging herself out of the ground.

The Doctor poked her head into the den, tail swishing behind her. “Yoo-hoo!! Flutterpool, Bumblenose, come on out! I’ve got something that I think you two will find absolutely delightful!”

There was a grumble, and Spiderstep shifted her paws anxiously as her mother’s voice rumbled out. 

“For the last time, Doctor…” Flutterpool murmured. “I don’t know how you can taste honey, but the rest of us cannot-”

She froze, looking up. Spiderstep met her gaze.

“Spider…Step?”

Flutterpool approached slowly, her pupils widening. Spiderstep slowly took a step forward.

All this time, not being able to see her mother…Flutterpool looked beautiful. The calico looked just as Spiderstep remembered her, with a bit of sadness in her green eyes.

Bumblenose followed behind Flutterpool, limping slightly, and froze in his tracks when he saw Spiderstep. He looked at The Doctor, then back at Spiderstep.

“No…” He finally said, shaking his head. “No, no, no, this isn’t real…You’re not supposed to be-”

“I know.” Spiderstep murmured. “But I am. I’m here.”

Flutterpool let out a sob, rushing forward and nearly knocking Spiderstep over with the force of her barreling into her. She nuzzled her daughter’s shoulder, closing her eyes and wrapping a foreleg around her tightly, as if she were afraid Spiderstep would vanish if she let go.

“Oh, my baby…” Flutterpool murmured, her voice shaking as she pressed her face into Spiderstep’s chest fur. “My beautiful girl…”

“Mama…” Spiderstep shook, nuzzling Flutterpool back. She could feel her own tears beginning to form, but she told herself it was just the hormones. 

Bumblenose approached next, rubbing against Spiderstep’s side and purring. He seemed a bit shaky on his paws, and Spiderstep pulled away from Flutterpool to face her littermate.

“Hey..” She greeted him, nuzzling the golden tabby’s cheek fur. “I missed you.”

“And I missed you,” Bumblenose’s purrs grew louder. “So, so much…”

A few cats were beginning to gather. Spiderstep recognized Violetsong, Owlshade, and Maplepool in the crowd, along with a few others. A white molly with black patches was standing beside Violetsong.

Was that…

Was that Violetsong’s daughter?

Spiderstep’s tail swished behind her as she looked around. “Where’s…” 

“He’s asleep.” Bumblenose explained. “I can go get him, if you want.”

“Please.”

Bumblenose padded away. Moments later, the crowd parted, and Spiderstep caught a glimpse of the cat she had been waiting to see since she got home.

Aspenfall.

The brown tom had a sad air about him, his tail dragging behind him as he lumbered after Bumblenose. Bumblenose said something to him, jerking his head in Spiderstep’s direction, and Aspenfall looked up.

He saw her.

She saw him.

The silence was deafening.

Aspenfall stepped forward, slowly, his face one of both shock and disbelief. “No..”

“Yes.” Spiderstep said, grinning. 

Aspenfall visibly perked up. He ran over to Spiderstep, tears streaming from the tom’s eyes. This time he succeeded in knocking her over, making Spiderstep laugh as he peppered her face with gentle, loving licks.

“Oh, Spiderstep, you’re here! You’re here! I missed you!” Aspenfall exclaimed, backing off of his mate. “How are you? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine,” Spiderstep murmured, hauling herself to her paws. “We’re fine.”

Aspenfall’s eyes widened further. “You’re still…”

“Mhm,” Spiderstep nodded. “Still pregnant.” 

“Oh, stars…” Aspenfall murmured. Quieter, more to himself, he whispered, “It worked…”

Spiderstep’s whiskers twitched. She looked around. “So much is different…”

“Ah!” Aspenfall looked around as well. “I need to introduce you to everyone! And show you around! Come on!”

Spiderstep chuckled, watching her mate trot off with a visible skip in his step. Maplepool took the opportunity to approach, bumping her head against Spiderstep’s shoulder gently.

“Welcome back,” She purred, flashing Spiderstep a smile. “We haven’t seen Aspen that happy in moons. Nothing’s made him smile like that.”

The black and white molly chuckled, giving her head a little shake. “I hope you know that he’s about to both introduce you to everyone and show you off. He loves you so much…”

“And I love him.” Spiderstep purred, gently resting her tail on her friend’s flank. Maplepool nudged her again with her nose.

“...I’ll go prepare you a nest in the nursery.” She finally said. “You’re going to need it.” 

With that, Maplepool padded away.

…

Spiderstep sighed, curling into the freshly made nest in the nursery. Wow. Maplepool really knew what felt good. The moss was one of the most comfortable things Spiderstep had ever laid on, and the feathers and flowers lining the nest only made things feel all the more better.

The nursery was unfortunately empty, save for her. Spiderstep didn’t mind too much. She had sent Aspenfall out a few minutes ago…Well, actually, Aspenfall sent himself out. He had insisted on bringing her prey, and Spiderstep couldn’t deny that her stomach was growling a bit.

There was a rustling at the nursery entrance, and Spiderstep whirled her head around, expecting to see Aspenfall. “Hey again- Oh. Hello.”

The Doctor stood there, her tail swaying behind her.

“Enjoying your time back, love?” The molly purred. “Are you comfortable? Is this everything you’ve dreamed of, and more?”

“...Stop. Go away.” Spiderstep’s ears pinned back.

“Oh, so sorry! It’s never my intention to cause you discomfort…” The Doctor shook her head, laughing softly. “I’ll be seeing myself out. Just…Enjoy this while it lasts, Spiderstep. You and I both know that you don’t have much time here.”

At that moment Aspenfall walked in, a plump squirrel hanging from his jaws. “Ugh…Doctor, leave her alone. We want to be alone.”

The Doctor only grinned at Aspenfall, turning to leave. “As you wish.” She purred, her voice sickeningly sweet as she trotted away.

Aspenfall made his way back to Spiderstep, setting the squirrel down and nudging it towards her. “Eat as much as you want, okay?”

“Thank you, sweetness.” Spiderstep leaned down, taking a bite of the squirrel. She didn’t realize how hungry she had been until the first taste of fresh-kill hit her tongue, and within minutes the squirrel was gone.

Aspenfall’s eyes widened. “Stars, you were hungry! Oh, you have a little…Here…” He leaned forward, swiping his tongue over Spiderstep’s muzzle to lick a bit of mess from her face. Spiderstep felt her face heat up a bit under her fur.

Aspenfall pulled back. “There. All better. So…You’re really back.”

“Correct.”

“And you’re really gonna have our kits.”

“Also correct.”

“And you’re staying.”

“I plan to.” Spiderstep meowed, looking elsewhere. “I don’t plan on dying…Again.”

Aspenfall chuckled, pressing his pelt against Spiderstep’s. Spiderstep laid down with him, feeling her mate gently rasping his tongue over the top of her head.

“I love you so much, my heart,” He murmured.

Spiderstep purred. She felt her eyes beginning to close. 

“And I love you, sweetness…More than anything.” She managed to mumble softly. Smiling, she began to doze off.

Aspenfall rested his chin on her head, flicking his tail behind him. “We’re forever, right?”

“Of course,” Spiderstep opened her eyes again, waking up just long enough to reply. 

TW: Stillbirth/Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss, Heavily Implied Sexual Assault, Infant Burial, Victim Guilt

This may not be for the faint of heart. Please, read at your own discretion, and heed the warnings above.

Pearfur was digging a hole.

The moon was high. BranchClan was sleeping.

Pearfur was not sleeping.

She knew it hadn’t been just a stomachache. She knew very well what the feeling was, and it sickened her. 

She told herself she wasn’t going to let that happen to her again.

At least the first time gave her three gorgeous kits that she didn’t know if she could live without.

This time, Pearfur was left with nothing but two tiny things, wrapped up the best she could wrap them in moss and large leaves. They were too small, too early. They didn’t stand a chance.

She ignored them, ignored the fact that they were left sitting still by her side, and continued to dig. Looking at them made her sick, a fact alone that filled her with overwhelming guilt. 

She couldn’t bury them at BranchClan’s gravesite. No, a patrol or the medicine cats would notice the fresh dirt pile and smell the fear scent that Pearfur was sure melted off of her in waves at this point. Then there would be questions. 

She buried them next to the meadow that bordered the edge of BranchClan’s territory, where the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. She could see the flowers in the dark, their colors dulled by the night shadows. Were the flowers watching her? Judging her?

Pearfur pinned her ears flat against her head and kept digging. The dirt below her felt cool on her paws, but seemed to grow heavier and heavier the deeper she got.

Her heart pounded in her chest. Someone was going to catch her if she wasn’t fast, but if she was too fast it almost seemed like she was uncaring.

Was she uncaring?

Maybe she was.

Pearfur was too worried about this stupid hole to care.

She wanted to go to bed. She wanted to be anywhere but here.

Anywhere.

Finally it was deep enough. Pearfur stared into the empty dirt for a long stretch of time, her tail swishing. Finally, she turned and acknowledged the bundles sitting beside her.

She picked one up, ignoring the bitter taste that filled her mouth, and dropped it in unceremoniously.

Thump.

Then the next.

Thump.

She stared into the hole again.

Why didn’t she feel anything but relief?

Was she a bad mother?

Why didn’t she care?

Why was she okay with this?

Why was she filled with so much rage and disgust, both at Frozenbeam and at herself for letting this happen to her?

Why was she the one who had to suffer while he walked free?

Grimacing, Pearfur filled the hole. It was easier than digging it.

It was over.

Now there was nothing but a lump in the ground, silhouetted by the darkness.

Pearfur turned away. She felt numb. She thought of nothing as she wandered to the stream, and dipped her paws in. She didn’t flinch at the freezing water, or the way the dirt coming from her paws and flowing down the river almost looked like streaks of blood. She ignored all of it.

When she went back to camp, Honeybird and Heathersplash sat quietly at the entrance. The sight of Honeybird made Pearfur bristle. 

She had his eyes.

She had his fucking eyes.

A voice, a soft and slightly raspy one that only matched Honeybird, snapped her out of her thoughts. “Is everything alright?”

Pearfur looked up. She hadn’t even noticed that at some point she had unsheathed her claws. 

Heathersplash and Honeybird were regarding her with a quizzical look. 

“You look upset…Where did you go this late at night?” Honeybird questioned.

Pearfur blinked. How could she answer this? The next words flowed out of her mouth smoothly. Maybe a little too smooth.

“I had to throw something away.”

Honeybird and Heathersplash glanced at each other, then nodded.

“Very well,” Heathersplash mewed. “Get some sleep, okay?”

Pearfur walked past them, into camp.

She looked over at the nursery. A pair of eyes were staring back at her. 

“Scrub…” Pearfur whispered.

The queen padded out of the nursery, a look in her eyes. A knowing look.

A look that told Pearfur she was understood.

“Hey…” Scrub meowed, not even flinching as Pearfur basically tumbled into her, pressing her face into her fur and letting out soft sobs. “I know, I know…I’m sorry.”

Pearfur looked up at Scrub, shaking. The numbness had worn off, replaced by a deep, aching pain and something that almost felt like grief. 

“I don’t want to sleep in the warrior’s den…” She managed to say. “He’s in there. He’ll find out. He’ll hurt me, I can’t-”

“Shh,” Scrub shushed her gently, giving Pearfur’s forehead a few comforting licks. “You don’t have to sleep in there, okay? Here, sleep with me, in the nursery…Unless it’s too much.”

Pearfur shook her head. “Anywhere is better than near him.”

“Then come on. You could use the rest.” Scrub turned, gesturing with her tail for Violetsong to follow.

The nursery was comfortable, the scent of milk and the faint smell of herbs filling Pearfur’s nose as she crept inside. She noticed Atticus’ kits, all curled up together in a large nest of moss. Atticus slept in a separate nest, curled into a tight ball. Nearby, Owlshade was curled up around Littlekit, letting out soft, rumbling purrs in his sleep. 

And a few tail-lengths away, Boragekit and Burdockkit slept together. Pearfur noticed that Flamekit had snuck away from his littermates at one point, and was pressed against Burdockkit’s white fur. It was a sweet sight, truly, and if Pearfur wasn’t so upset, her heart would flutter with warmth.

Scrub settled into her own nest, waiting for Pearfur to join her before draping her tail around the other she-cat. 

“Try to sleep…” Scrub whispered. “I’ll be here. I won’t let anyone bother you tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Pearfur whispered, lowering her head. She peeked out of the nursery entrance, and in the brief sliver of the sky she was able to see, two stars were shining bright.

She ignored them, burying her face into her paws and closing her eyes. They weren’t a part of her that she wanted.