[pm] Are you Jade said you've been pushing people away. Is that because of Is everything You were right, you know. You did what you should have done. It's not like I'm anything worth I'm sorry if I
[ user stares at the empty message box for a long time. he tries to think of something to say, but he doesn't know what he can say. there's a tightness in his chest that feels like betrayal, but he's still not sure it's a fair thing for him to feel.
he thinks of eve in owen's living room, cleaning up blood emilio spilled from the floor. he thinks of her messages when he admitted that he, too, wanted to see owen pulled back from death despite the unnaturalness of it. he thinks of her in the back of her van with her knife against his throat as he squirmed in the body bag, her face reflecting grief and horror and confusion and a thousand other things at once.
and he thinks of the alley.
he always thinks of the goddamn alley.
she loves him. she wouldn't lie about that. she loves him, and she left him to die, and she was right. and now, she's pushing everyone away, and maybe it's because of him. maybe it's another monstrous thing he's done, another sin to add to the ever growing list. the woman in owen's apartment who he killed. forrest who died to teagan's claws because he was trying to help emilio. owen who is alive without wanting to be. flora and juliana who are dead and shouldn't be. and now eve, isolating herself because she loves a monster, because other people do, too.
the empty textbox blurs. everything aches. he could tell her she made the right choice, but wouldn't it just be another way of digging the hole deeper? isn't it a lie every time he pretends to be human, pretends to be decent? it won't help. there is nothing he can do to help. he knows that. ]
[User is also thinking about Emilio. It's like pressing on a dark bruise, that doesn't hurt in the way it looks like it should. She wonders if this is the 5th stage of grief, somehow. It has taken her a year to accept what he is, and more importantly, what that means he will do, but she has now. It just took Rowan's intervention to break down her own walls of defensiveness. Finally, Eve was at peace with Emilio's death. Finally, she could move on.
And she knew Emilio. More than anything, he wanted to be useful. More than anything, he would understand. He was one of the most dangerous threats to hunters in town, which meant that, much like Siobhan, he was valuable.
She didn't need to lose him over a simple matter of heart ache.]
[A bottle of Tequila appears at Emilio's apartment (It has been a long time since Eve bought Emilio alcohol) with a note attached.
I know this doesn't fix anything. If you want to yell, or fight, or never speak to me again, I would understand, just like I know you understand. But if you want to talk, I'm here.
