WRITING- The Night Before, The Morning After
The air felt tense after Doecall made the announcement.
The silence stretched for what felt like hours, and Doecall was very aware of the pounding in her heart. She shifted, staring at Wolfstep, taking in his rigid posture, his slightly narrowed eyes, and hisā¦Well, his everything.
Nobody spoke. After a pause that felt far too long for both of them, Wolfstep exhaled through his nose.
He shook his head. āYouāre joking.ā
āNo, Iām serious.ā Doecall insisted. She laughed, using her front paw to lightly bat at Wolfstepās shoulder. āIām gonna be having kits inā¦What, two moons? Is that how long it takes?ā
āYeah, it is.ā Wolfstep rumbled in reply. He responded to the shoulder batting with a huff, though it didnāt seem to be of annoyance. āButā¦Youāre being so, so incredibly stupid, Doecall.ā
āHow? A lot of cats in this clan have outsider mates!ā Doecall chirped.
Wolfstepās eyes narrowed. āAnd those cats donāt come home nearly in tears in the middle of the night. Those cats donāt tell me that their mates treat them likeā¦Like dung!ā
Doecall flinched, feeling a jolt of hurt at the older tomās tone. Her ears laid flat against her head, and she felt the fur on her back start to bristle. The smile on her face faltered, despite her struggle to keep it.
āWolfstep, youāre my best friend,ā she said, voice low. āI thoughtā¦I thought youād be happy for me.ā
āItās not that Iām not happy for you! I am!ā Wolfstep insisted, holding up his front paws in a gesture of defense. āIām justā¦Iām more worried about you than I am happy. Canāt exactly give congratulations when thereās a little voice in the back of your head going, āhey, Wolfstep, your best friend, who you care about so much, is being taken advantage of and wonāt listen to youā!āĀ
Doecall fell silent. Wolfstep took that as invitation to continue his rant.
āHeās mistreating you,ā the gray tabby grumbled, ears flattening. His claws unsheathed and sheathed over and over, subtly clawing into the ground where they were sitting. āIāve seen it. Iāve heard about it. Mates arenāt supposed to make you cry the way he does, Doecall. Heās going to kill you one day, you know. Those kinds of relationships never end well.ā
Doecall looked away. Shame burned through her, but she forced it down, instead replacing it with defiance. ā...I wanted someone to love me.ā
āI love you, Doecall!ā Wolfstep exclaimed. āYour littermates love you! Stars, your FATHER loves you!ā
āI donāt want that kind of love!ā Doecall snapped back, standing. Her tail was lashing violently behind her, her pupils narrowed into slits of black. āI want the kind of love that everyone else has! I want to be cuddled and have a family andā¦I want someone to look at me as if I put the stars in the sky myself.ā
Her voice broke, and she took a deep breath, looking away so Wolfstep didnāt see her tears. She took a second to compose herself, then looked at Wolfstep. āI wanted you, Wolfstep, and you didnāt want me.ā
āI did- No, I do want you, Doecall.ā Wolfstep confessed. āI justā¦What would the clan think? I donāt want anyone to think Iām a monster.ā
Doecall stared at him. āThey donāt judge Burnetgoose and Glintshade. Orā¦Any of those other cats.ā
Another stretch of silence, this one heavier. Doecall waited, watching Wolfstepās expression. The gray tabby tom finally let out a sound that was both an exasperated groan and a sob, his shoulders slumped.
āDammit, Doecallā¦ā He muttered. ā...This is hard for me, you know.ā
Doecall waited. Wolfstep closed his eyes for a minute, then opened them.
āTell you what,ā he grumbled. āYou leave that tom. Donāt go talk to him, donāt go looking for him, donāt even think about him. And Iā¦I will consider being your mate officially, but in the meantime Iāll step up. Iāll be a father for your kits. Raise them the way my dad didnāt get to raise me. Does that sound fair?ā
ā...I want him to know.ā Doecall said.
āHe deserves to know. What if I disappear and he comes looking for me?ā
Wolfstep ran a paw over his face as if to symbolize his agony. āFine. Fine! You go tell him, but you better be careful. Take Lionfoot with you. Heāll protect you.ā
āOkay.ā Doecall sat next to Wolfstep again, their pelts brushing, and leaned against him. Wolfstep leaned down and gently licked the top of her head.
Wolfstepās mind had been racing with thoughts since he heard the news.Ā
Doecall was dead. She was gone, her wound too infected to fully recover.
Heād already yelled at Lionfoot. He blamed his brother for what happened ever since he saw that gash in her throat and the way she had forced herself to smile about it. Lionfoot had insisted it wasnāt his fault- He was too fast, too strong, he had said, but everything just sounded like an excuse.
Now Wolfstep would never see Doecall again.
His best friend was buried. The vigil last night had been somber. Wolfstep didnāt like thinking about it, repressing the thought until it was a blurred image in the back of his mind.
He didnāt want to remember Doecall like that.
āStars damn itā¦ā He hissed, as an ache began to settle deep in his joints. His condition was manageable most days, but on days when he was stressed it always seemed to heighten. Today was absolutely one of those days.
Heād been pacing since he woke up, his paws burning a hole into the camp grounds at this point. He was restless, and agitated, and trying so hard to suppress the feelingsā¦But he couldnāt anymore.
Taking a deep breath, Wolfstep turned and stalked out of camp. He was blank, his mind forcing all ofĀ the thoughts away until he reached his destination. The burial grounds.
He stalked around, looking at all of the mounds of dirt, until he found hers. The dirt was still fresh and slightly damp, his paws sinking into it a little as he approached.
Someone had placed white flowers on her grave. Wolfstep swatted them away, hissing.
āShe likes blue. Not white.ā He growled, though he didnāt know who he was talking to.
Then, he looked at the grave itself- No, not the grave. He was staring through it, at wherever Doecall was buried.
āI told you,ā he scolded, taking a step closer. Then another step. Then he was in front of the grave. His legs were shaking. āI fucking told you not to go, Doecall. Why couldnāt you just listen to me? Why do you have to see the good in fucking everything? Now youāre dead. Look at youā¦Maybe itās my fault. I shouldāve went. I shouldāve protected you. Iām sorry.ā
He sighed heavily, sinking down until he was lying on the grave. The tears heād been trying to hold back started to fall, and all he could let out was one final sentence before breaking off into a fit of sobs.
āI was going to say yes.ā