#heartalk

this pathetic recrushyou name, which my sixteen (probably) years old self made at that time, with all those silly head innards, is apparently very much explanatory of how I actually am (at least partly, but the true part) starting this 2025 especially, ive been in and out of crazy infatuation. yes, me in my 27 years old self (almost). its so insane that in this age, even near 30, i am still…

uhm. its been a month and some days since i moved. the days were normal, it is joyful, but these past week was kinda awry bcs of shit happening in the world. anyways, i think im having a crush now, like a casual one for now but it is fun so far. its not like were doing something or anything at all but just me crushing him from afar. like, amongst the noisy ones, he just really good at keeping…

Cause when no one sees you, even when you were there all the time. Bet me you will do exactly the same as I do. Smile was the easiest choice as always, even inside was not.  After years did friends with bunch of people, gave everything you had to those who you called as friends, or even besties just for receiving ignorance in this present time.  Don’t you call it hurts? I prefer silence. Cause…

today probably marks two years and this very hour, i am fine. completely fine. i am still ambitionless and not lively, but i am fine. after these void and cozy cloudy days-i am finding myself finishing e serious presentation. like the very advanced medical one which hurts my head bcs understanding them is just pure torture for me. but i still am doing it anyways. deadline is tomorrow. o just…

Taylor’s version

im not even feeling blue but it just hits me to bits. like im not even that old yet but i think i know why it could be something scorchingly miserable. bcs when you’ were younger, you’d feel even more purer and stronger and honest and raw. bcs back then you were a blank sheet. you knew nothing but the overwhelming joy of feeling loved. thus u tried loving back, unlimitedly just break free a…

the blue days are here again. finally. yes im in this empty calendar now. i got the taste of void inside me after those busy days. im… this is maybe the way im complaining.

or do i indeed need this

did i write this already because that doesn’t matter i just gonna write this anyway. i got a hyperrealisctic crush, on an unnie.

no im not mistaken, im sure already. its not another because…

I was and am in utter confusion, it’s now better but still. So as i write now i think its been too long for me for not having any feelings for a guy, like, really. So it becomes really hard and strange for me to start, or restart, idk.

But recently i really got a serious fat crush on a volleyball athlete, and she is a she. The thing is she’s really handsome but at the same time, so a girl, who’s…

There’s time when you just.. accept that you’re being used, or should i say probably.

When you just make reasons for some more encounters.

When it’s just the only way you could re-experiencing the sparks you’ve never had it for a long time.

The beginning was really hideous. It was like nothing different came to you but it makes change in your chest. When you’re accidentally comfortable with a…