#headsick

Had a video appointment with my new med doc today. My old one retired which was a bummer, I liked her. New doc seems cool tho. But it was a hard convo. Never fun telling a stranger how you’ve been suicidal lately, even if theyre a doctor. Then going into past history, attempts, recent triggers, all that fun stuff doc needs to know to do their doctor thing. Did manage to get my meds switched back to the fluoxetine which was treating me better than the effexor I’m currently on so that’s a plus. As usual, the convo also came with plenty of advice that I SHOULD take but probably won’t. The usual therapy recommendation which I’ve always had problems with because of scheduling and the fact that I have a hard time reaching out for help so I question how much I would really put into therapy. And lets face it, you get out what you put in. She also suggested a few classes which seemed more tempting. But the heavy one was her suggesting an intensive outpatient program. It seems like something that I could really benefit from but they meet 3 times a week from 9 to 1130. Even if my job was cool with me working half days 3 days a week, I don’t know if I could deal with the paycut that it would require. That’s more than 10 hours a week I’d be missing, 20 hours a paycheck. It doesn’t matter how “good for me” it could be, I don’t know if I could keep paying my bills if I lost 20 hours a paycheck. So I have to decide between my mental health and my financial stability. Fuuuuuuck me. I got some thinking to do and some numbers to crunch.

Headsick - Userx ft manchester orchestra

After the choices I've made tonight its terrifying that I look fine.

Accurate representation of my life at this moment. #slob #headsick

It's all okay, life is okay okay Too many thoughts of too many things Life is so strange