Alienation | Pacification Chapter 1: Death's Door REVISION
Reception for Chapter 2+3 have been really good, but the first chapter was the weakest part of my fic. It has a strong emotional connection that hooks people, but there were some pretty glaring issues that needed resolving to bring it in line with HDG and, in fact, the rest of the fic (by the time I began Ch2, I had read a lot more, hence the sudden shift).
To that end, I've revised chapter 1. Details on the revision will be in the thread. For now, summary and all that.
Ellison V has been isolated from the galaxy for eighty years, its location lost thanks to a bizarre clerical error. In that time, it has become a war zone, torn apart in never-ending conflicts for a cause no one can quite remember. Paige Redmunit (so named as she makes munitions for the Red faction) finds herself trapped beneath rubble, her life ebbing away. She is rescued by the Affini, having arrived just in time. Latria Clusin, a bureaucrat for the Bureau of Xenosophont Wellness and Care, has never had a floret of her own. Yet, she finds herself strangely protective of Paige. Jealousy, combined with paranoia, lead to her concluding that unless Latria domesticates Paige herself, someone else will. And Latria certainly doesn't trust anyone else to take care of the poor, wounded terran.
cw for: near death experience, implied backstory death, traumatic flashbacks, forced drug use (and not just in the fun way), religious imagery, parallels to psychiatric institutionalization, loss of a limb, prosthetics + prosthetic play, as well as all the typical HDG cws (noncon, petplay, etc etc)
Special thanks to @hypvalsqr as ever. Specific changes range from minor to major. Previous changes remain in place (clarifying the 'hazard' suit for instance), as well as a shifting of the timeline. The planet is now isolated for only Eighty Years, and was isolated 75 years pre-domestication. It is now set five years post-domestication, rather than a hundred. A few paragraphs were added to elucidate/expand upon theories pertaining to why it went missing, and why it took a bit of time to find/reach. These changes should lead to it making more sense. Plus, other parts were changed for flow. I'm still not 100% happy with Chapter 1, but this will be the only time I make an announcement about changes. Any other changes will be granular and over time, but Chapter 4 is my priority at the moment. If there are other major changes worth highlighting, I'll mention them in future Chapter drops.
