#hddi

Iv been pondering over our dwindleing conversations when was the perfect time to ask to see you. Of course its something we'd been palnning on eventually. Little did I know that while I was working up the nerve and while you where working up a sweat in the back seat of your car, that you wanted to be with her more and more. I should have seen it. When you stopped messaging me and filling my head with these pretty pictures of you whispering lovely things in my ears while your stuble tickled my neck and you did disgusting things to my body. My body that I told you you could have. My body that I so cherish but wanted nothing more to be tainted with your dirty hands. Your words filled me up full and that was something I seldom feel. They where perfect and perplexed and honest and true but you held them back from me and I couldnt get what I needed to say out of my throat. At least not fast enough to make you care what they said. I wonder if she says lovely words to you and drinks her coffee black. I wish she didnt care about you anymore and im a terrible person but i very much want to mean something to you. I hope youll be back to break my heart because im going to let you.

I cant help it but youve already touched me. Your hands have touched every inch of my body inside and out. I can feel you in my chest like a morose sickness thats taking over my insides and rotting them into nothing. It doesnt matter that our flesh has never touched because I dont know if I can handle it. Your words are enough to make me make myself sick. I think ill throw up one day everything I keep stuffing back down my throat. Evertime I see your name on my screen I gag.