#hawk fic

(my theory is that evgeny is at least part of the reason andrei does not like it when dougie and foegs joke about him being their kid brother. it’s the only joke i’ve ever seen svech refuse to roll with.)

evgeny got drafted by the red wings in 2015 (round 1, 19th overall). he started out with the AHL affiliate in grand rapids, and in 2016 mama svech packed up andrei and moved from russia to michigan. andrei played a season for the muskegon lumberjacks in the USHL. he led the team in scoring and was named USHL rookie of the year. the next season he was the first selection in the CHL import draft, and played for the barrie colts.

ok, so while we’re knocking out the backstory, i want to note that svech’s full name is Andrei Igorevich Svechnikov. don’t tell me that’s not sexy.

furthermore, the very spelling of andrei is sexy. i had a russian-speaking colleague once who had a son named andrei and she would say his name with a little lift at the end. not like the i added another syllable, just like a little caress. i hear it that way when i type it. it makes me happy to type that i at the end. andrei. andrei.

oh sorry, did i veer off topic?

the carolina hurricanes selected andrei second overall in the 2018 draft. he looked just as dumb as everybody always does in their draft night jersey photos, but here’s his draft day suit:

oh wait, can’t pass up the opportunity for a combine photo

did i say COMBINE? i meant JAWLINE

wait one more photo from the combine, just because he looks especially dead poets society in this one:

upon moving to raleigh, andrei emphatically wanted to live alone, which seems unusual for an 18-year-old entering the NHL and is therefore fertile ground for all sorts of headcanons. he keeps his floors very clean and gets mad when his buddies won’t take their shoes off. i am not making this up. he lives in the same apartment complex as dougie hamilton, warren foegele, joel edmundson (rip), and teuvo teravainen. andrei does not cook and he’s constantly calling them to see who wants to go out to eat.

in that last video i linked you can see foegs stumble and jump off his scooter just before he hits the gate to their parking garage. then the gate rises like magic and svech glides straight through. this is an unsubtle metaphor for andrei svechnikov’s entire athletic existence.

svech purportedly does not play video games, which is wild to me. instead, he practices magic tricks. again, i am not making this up.

wait i’m sorry it’s been at least ten minutes since i looked at a picture of andrei svechnikov holding a bunch of kittens

ok where was i.

svech had a pretty solid rookie season in 2018-19, but you can look up the numbers elsewhere if you want them. he was the first player born this century to score in the NHL but we don’t like to think about his 2000 birthdate. he played on a line with jordan martinook for a lot of that first season, and you can read more about that romantic nonsense in the ship primer i’ll be writing next. more recently the canes have settled into a top line of svech, sebastian aho, and teuvo teravainen, which is a pretty deadly combo.

one incident of note from svech’s rookie season is that he got knocked the fuck out by alex ovechkin. we’ll be talking more about that in the ship primer too, but if you want the video it’s here.

here, have a little celly:

svech’s most touted accomplishment is scoring the NHL’s first-ever Michigan-style lacrosse goal. this article has a very good description of how it worked. the postgame interview from that game is so endearing it makes me want to claw my face off. he’s talking so fast (for him) and he keeps repeating that his brother taught it to him, just absolutely determined to make sure everyone knows this milestone belongs to evgeny too.

also, this season, he scored the first playoff hat trick in franchise history.

the thing about andrei svechnikov is that nobody has a bad word to say about him. everybody thinks he’s an amazing player (”skilled and tenacious yet loose and creative”) and everybody compliments his work ethic (shooting pucks for hours after practice or a game) and journalists call him a “transcendent star.” everybody says he’s a great person. everybody calls him special. jordan martinook says svech never has a bad word to say about anyone.

ok it’s kitten time again!

more svech facts of note:

drives a black mercedes, poorly. “he wants to win on the road, too,” says foegs.

his voice gets very soft when he is uncertain about something but he’s loud when he wins a card game. (”GOOD NIGHT, BROTHER! SEE YOU NEXT GAME!”)

loves french toast for breakfast.

guilty pleasure is milkshakes.

if he was an animal, he’d be a bear (”like a russian bear.”)

does monster summer workouts with ivan provorov

look how fucking cute he is

the invaluable social media team over at hurricanes hq understands the svech content the world needs. i’m gonna tackle some more of this in the ship primer, but here are the best ones:

who’s your daddy? this video features svech confusedly asking “daddy?”, which is literally everything i ever want in fic or in life. once he finally understands he’s expected to choose between two teammates, he chooses the one who’s his buddy. and then after he’s catcalled from offscreen, he slouches down in his chair and changes his answer. “both,” he mutters, looking unbearably smug. “both.”

cookie face. it takes marty a very entertaining 49 seconds to eat the cookie. then svech hacks the game and wins in 7 second flat. “he’s good at everything,” marty marvels from offscreen.

this is a terrible concept for a video but it does feature svech and dougie doing the famous scene from stepbrothers, and svech giving a sweeping bow. i will forgive him for wearing a duke hat but only because he wears a tarheels hat in the three amigos video above.

has it been too long since a kitten photo? it’s definitely been too long since a kitten photo.

Marty played it cool the first few weeks in Carolina, but he released the Marty Party after that and he has been the best beloved of the Canes social media team ever since. Here is Marty extremely drunk after tailgating at an NC State game (with a little bonus svech for you):

The Canes gave him an A in his second year, and truly there is no one better suited for the role. As I understand it, one possible job description for an A is Vice President of Good Vibes and Making Sure Everyone Feels Included (please note that I could be wrong about this, my sample size is Kevin Hayes), and Marty excels at this responsibility. Brind’Amour describes him as “kind of that guy that glues it all together.”

Here’s Marty bellowing the starting lineup. And here’s Marty tweeting at Ryan Suzuki because Marty is the kind of guy who researched the Canes’ brand new draft pick and found out his go-to karaoke song is Love Story:

Marty takes karaoke extremely seriously. His worst fear, other than rattlesnakes, is getting booed off the karaoke stage. This happened to him once, in Portland ME, but he acknowledges it was his fault for choosing an Eminem song. (”I’m from Alberta, I can’t rap.”) His go-to karaoke song is I Wanna Dance With Somebody, but he notes that other appropriate choices for someone from Alberta include country music and Sarah McLachlan.

Oh, a little more about that Nickelback thing:

Here are some other important Marty facts:

Was a drama kid in high school! He had the lead in the school play and they had to reschedule it because Marty had a hockey game.

The team was already calling Martin Nečas “Marty” when Jordan Martinook arrived in Carolina, but Jordan pulled rank and claimed the nickname and made everybody call Martin Nečas “Junior” instead.

If Marty was an animal, he’d be a dolphin (because he loves water and can do a very plausible dolphin squeal.)

Speaking of loving water, last summer Marty took a river float trip with Joel Edmundson, Brock McGinn, Jake Gardiner, and Svech. Sometimes I lie awake at night and think about this.

Marty is a hairy motherfucker who regularly waxes his eyebrows (because threading is too painful and laser hair removal did not work) and has been chirped about his back hair in every locker room he’s ever been in.

Speaking of hair, Marty would like you to know that when he was 16 or 17 he and his brother-in-law “fell into some beers” and his brother-in-law tried to wax Marty’s asshole with drywall tape. (Are you starting to see why Marty is the best hockey podcast guest ever?)

I think it’s important for you to know that Marty has hot pink swim trunks:

Finally, it should be noted that Marty comes by it honestly. His dad is legendary for partying like a rock star on every dads’ trip. I will leave you with this photo of small Marty and his dad, two generations of party: