#hatethisgame

Oh, hello! It seems this is your first time queueing in the Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn Duty Finder! Haha, great! Allow me to help you out with a few tips and tricks to get you started on the path to success!

First: As you’re leveling, don’t get used to that rotation! Your level will be reduced, along with all of your equipment, but that’s not all! Any spells that you’ve learned after your reduced level? Gone! Haha! That integral damaging ability, heal, or enmity builder that really fleshes out your class? Save it for the quests, bub! As my great grandpa always said, “In the ‘30s, all we could do was wish for the ‘20s to come back.” Haha, what a great guy! Now you can have your wish granted, paps!

Second: Are you a Scholar? Did you queue as a healer? No! You didn’t! Eos did! Make sure that you let the entire group know, preferably before the loading screen is gone, that Eos will be their healer for the dungeon. Go ahead and remove any personal healing spells from your bars. Remember: If someone dies, they screwed up! Eos is plenty!

Third: Are you a tank? If so, let me fill you in on a little known secret: all enemies have a “dizzy counter”! Spin the creature around enough times, and it’ll fall over stunned for up to 10 seconds! The faster you spin, the sooner it falls! Do note that if the Dragoon or Monk seems upset, shouting things like “ffs stop spinning!” Or “gg positionals” What they really mean is they don’t want you to reveal the secret of the Dizzy Bar, and that they’re impressed with your ability to spin the mob in it’s position!

Fourth and final tip: Square Enix has added a new feature that lets you enjoy the game for much longer periods of time! If you queue as a dps and decide to quest while you wait, the queue is designed to take at least 4 hours, and you are guaranteed to run into no less than 6 quests that can not be done while queued in the Duty Finder! If, however, you decide to queue up and go take care of something? Say, get lunch? Instant queue pop! Haha!