#hatemyroommate

So as you all know my roommate is a festering piece of space shit. Think... 

And I do my best to stay out of her way, at all costs. But this past weekend my boyfriend came to visit (for the first and only time this whole semester). Did my roommate kindly offer to to give us a semblance of privacy, considering her constant looming presence in our room? Nope! The little pissy rain cloud was there to stay. 

She never left the room. NEVER. She made brief excursions to the kitchen every once and a while to feed. Otherwise she remained in her customary state, blanket over head, eyes fixed on the computer screen, never moving, and the sourest face god ever gave to a lemon.

  So other than the fun intimate weekend we had planned before we are separated through travel and his field training, we played the where can we have the most privacy when forced into public. She did seem a bit put out when we dared to come into the room to sleep at night, but that is neither here nor there.

Despite the little troll, my boyfriend and I had a wonderful weekend together and I am riding that I’m in love high 

But today on Skype she not so subtle spoke about me, while I was in the room mind you. Some snips of the conversation = “She’s such a bitch...I think she is trying to Skype her boyfriend.... god... as if I didn’t have to deal with that enough this weekend”. Records scratch in my head, and at first I think I must be hearing wrong. But she continued to speak about “someone” in that vein. All I can think is a bitch says WHAT?

Oh I’m sorry, was it inconvenient for you that we tried to avoided you with the same skill set I use when asked about after college plans. Fast, to the point, and slightly uncomfortable for the little time it does last. We were stealthy as hell!

And for her who ... a. never leaves the room.

b. constantly skypes her two imaginary friends, without letting me know often when I am changing.

c. Is the most obnoxious douchenozzle, who feels it is her duty, nay her right to make me as uncomfortable in my own space as possible.  ... to dare to complain about me and my happiness boggles my mind. I have a ball of rage building in my stomach and it is all I can do to not yell in her dull dull face. If I were in any less control tonight would be the night bitches die 

For everyone's edification the reason the blog has been so silent was because of my attempt to turn the other cheek and ignore the buttmunching troll that lives in my spaces 24/7. This has been a difficult task to say the least 

BUTTTTTT she gone and done it now. She has pissed me off one to many times, the straw is officially broken as of tonight

And rather than dunk her tooth paste in the toilet or strangle her (all thoughts that I have cherished) I will return to this blog! Get ready tumblr, a shit storm of rants coming your way!

My roommate has been campaigning for the role of school hermit since move in, and at this point I think she really has her hide-and-never-seek-human-contact down solid.

Her hermiting (yes, it is a verb in her case), other than her constant presence in our room, has never really bothered me. That is until last week. Her skills of hermiting have leaked into her basic survival instincts i.e. eating.

So in her attempt to culturally appropriate all things asian into her casper the friendly ghost white ass, she has been daily making/ microwaving a dish named kimchi. 

My first experience with her meal came on the tail end of a cruelly and abruptly stopped nap. She came into the room with the steaming bowl and my body began convulsively gagging.

My first thought was that a sewage pipe had burst somewhere in the complex.

It was hands down the most vile odor that has ever assaulted my nose, and there she sat stewing in the scents and her own addition of body odor. SHE WAS FOUL. She has repeated this behavior daily and now our poor room is stained in the smell. Dear roommate,