i been on and off crying all day because i finally found like... actual people and experiences with gender that match mine and i know iâve presented transmasc online for so long but i always felt out of place and itâs such a reliefÂ

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i been on and off crying all day because i finally found like... actual people and experiences with gender that match mine and i know iâve presented transmasc online for so long but i always felt out of place and itâs such a reliefÂ

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Having a sudden meltdown to the point of hyperventilating is always funđ
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I broke up with my boyfriend because itâs always me, him and his friends. Most of his friends are girls. And itâs not that Iâm jealous theyâre gonna screw each other or anything. Its just he KNOWS, me and them had this little conflict. I basically hate them. Theyâve been accusing me for doing things and spreading it to my other close friends. So ya, I hate them. And I thought he would understand. I thought he would back away from them. I mean if youâre in a relationship, wouldnât you stay away from the person your partnerâs hate? Especially when you know your partner didnât do anything wrong? Wouldnt you? Or am I too selfiesh? Am I asking too much? When he was jealous of this guy once, I actually broke off my friendship with that guy so my boyfriend would be less uncomfortable and it wasnât easy. We were really good friends and all of our classes were the same. But I did it anyway. My boyfriend didnât ask me to. But I did it because I want him to know I love him and other guys donât matter to me. But now? When itâs the other way around, you called me selfish and unreasonable? And tell me I donât listen to you and didnât take care of YOUR feelings? I told you countless times why I donât like those fucking girls. And you know I didnât do anything wrong to them. But you still keep on telling me IâM wrong and stick by their side. Iâm confuse. Whoâs your girlfriend again? Iâm confuse. I know youâre not intentionally hurting me when you were sticking up for your friend. I know you were just trying to save your relationship with your friends but at the same time save your relationship with me. I know you just wanted to be the middle man but to me youâre not. You were my fucking boyfriend. Iâll try my best to stick by you no matter what and Iâm willing to cut ties with different guy friend if you feel uncomfortable. I would go till that extent. But I donât even expect you to cut ties with your friends. I just wanted you to have my back and defend me and show me off or treat me Iâm the first on your list. And if WORSE CASE SCENARIO you had to choose between me and your friends. I wished you would choose. There were SO MANY times when I told you this. SO many. I say canât you just be by my side for once. But all you can fucking say is Iâm so unreasonable and that I need to chill and etc etc. Just for once, even if you dont believe it, for once just say that Iâm right. Or anything rly just to show me that you were on my side and would choose me over your friends with no hesitation. I love you. So much. And I want to continue loving you, but Iâm sorry. I just canât get over it. I canât. And as much as I love you so so so much. And I want you bad so fucking bad, I KNOW things wonât be the same. I know it wonât work. Donât you dare say I didnât love you and that I get over you so easily. You pushed me and forced me to do this. So many times where i thought you would change. But you didnt. And now its too late even if you want. Iâm sorry youâre hurting right now. Iâm sorry I brought you nothing but pain. Sorry I was so clingy and became THAT girlfriend that is so annoying and get âjealousâ easily when you hang out with other girls. I hope this time apart will help you move on. And I am well aware that in our relationship i had my flaws too. I guess you're right, I've never done enough. I swear it wasn't intentional. I honestly thought was enough. I was never into big gesture. I thought having real, deep conversations were enough. I thought eventho we didn't meet, you would still understand bcs of my father. I thought it was enough. But I'm sorry it wasn't. And you're rifht, I should have tried harder. And im sorry i didnt. Thereâs a big part of me donât want you to move on because I miss you so much. But we need this. Hopefully, with time, and with the support of those best girlfriends of yours, youâll get through it. Thank you for all the thing you've done for me. Thank you for the picnic or breakfast, for you time, energy effort, everything. You did made me happy. I swear. And I wish you all the happiness in the world no matter what happened to us. I love you. Goodbye.
ps. you guys have no idea how relatable the song Stay With Me by Sam Smith is right now HAHAHAHAHA (omg way to spoil the mood). Like comeon seriously, âThis ainât love its clear to see but darling stay with meâ and âBut I know deep down I know this never works But can you lay w me so it doesnt hurtâ. Like seriously? So much feels. I want you back so bad. i miss you so much. But i know deep down, what we have is not working.