2015: My son went into rehab, by his own choosing, 2 months after an expensive battle for me to get full custody of him, 2 months before his 18th birthday. I lost...Yes, I was trying to get full custody, so I would have full control of forcing him into Rehab. Crazy, right? Even the judge thought so, I am sure... I know that it was. I was scared to death of the walk my son was in. I believe, that the fear of the grip that drugs had on him, drove me and I think, knowing the outcome of "loosing" in court, I would do it all over again. What I did not know...is that my son, was using drugs that my mind could not even grasp. His behavior was out of control, and my instinct told me what my brain could not. In rehab, during parent night, I was in shock, to the truth of my sons addiction, it was far worst than I could even imagine. I will always cherish the openness that my son had at the 4 weeks in rehab, and the reality that lies ahead for him. One thing that we all learned on family night, if you enable an addict, you kill them... This came out directly from sober addicts, not me. I know that enabling is very easy for a parent to do. I work hard at recognizing it, so that I do not do it. I think that I have learned a lot about enabling, but what drives me, as hard as it is, is "life or death" for my son. I am not very popular with others, but I am clear and determined to fight for my sons life. He knows it... He has told me so. That helps me, but it's not necessary. I love him beyond any words can express. His recovery is his future. With addiction as his disease, any hope and dreams he has to becoming an attorney, will not realize, unless he is sober. In reading addict recovery blogs, I have tried to understand what it must be like, to be the addict. Their struggle is beyond understanding. As a mom, I can only speak for myself, and other parents that have shared their grief and fear, we also go through a journey, that unless you have an addict child, it is incomprehensible. My son is on a journey, he has made remarkable progress. I am proud of him. He has learned so much, and has met incredible mentors like Tyler. I have learned that I am not in control... I have learned to surrender, I have learned that prayer is the only effective action that really works. I am on a journey as well. My only goal, is to continue to learn what I need to do, that will allow my son, to stay on course. Recovery. 2016, a year of Faith, a year of expecting only the best for him.
