And i want to spend a gap year with him, so I can be in his life for a few moments, before finishing off college abd running back to him. I want some city years, living large maybe, expirencing a side of the world iv never touched with him. Then I want to move far, far away- away from everyone, away from everything. Just me and him. I'll build the cabin myself if I havw to. And we'll have his cat, who i hope becomes our cat, and i hope thats the rest of forever. Trading off providing and caring, decorating our home sweet. Spending days with him in the kitchen, listening to music of all times and holding eachother on the couch and laying together in OUR bed. Going on short walks in the woods together, having picnics just outside our dining room just for the novelty. I want to wash the smeared condiments off his favorite plate, to polish his favorite bowl time to time, to buy the laundry detergent he likes. I want to notice a shirt missing and not wonder where its gone to. I want to be in the grocery store, with our strict list, pushing a cart around and admiring him reading prices. I want to pull up my calculator when he needs quicker maths. I want to kiss him outside of the dispensary, to light his bowl, to take the piece out of his bong when he's taken his hit. I want to memorize every spot on his body, I want to create new scars, I want to trace the tattoos he might have by then. I want to tie his shoes. I want to make his favorite meal just right, to brew him tea, to order his favorite drink just right. I want to brush his hair and cut it for him and I want everything about him. I want so much I cant even write it all down. I want to watch his eyes flutter in his sleep, I want to wake him up with gentle touches, I want to have serious talks at our dining table. I want to share a bathroom. I want our toothbrushes to touch. I want to borrow his hairdye- for him to bleach my hair. I want to hold his things in my pockets, I want to watch him get dolled up for events together, I want to watch him walk down the isle. I want to stand face to face with him, and his gorgeous face, to hold it, to breath his air in anticipation before we're told we can kiss. I want to cry in his arms, I want to laugh louder than I should to his jokes, I want to watch any and every movie we can, I want to give him all my passwords, I want to game with him even in our 50s. I want to die with him. I want to be buried not next to him but in his coffin. I want our decomposition liquids to mix in a grotesque way only the dirt will see. I want to talk about kids, and more pets, and taxes, and bills. I want to roll my eyes at him. But more so, I never, ever, ever, ever want to be in a position where I cant call him mine, ever, ever again.
