#harukun

Happy birthday Harukun! Featuring: pondering what he needs to get better, his relationships with the other prisoners (esp amane), some theories, analysis and more!

- I bet that dude loves plushies. I mean like ofc he does canonically but they could be a really good way of making him learn to handle and love animals and possibly children. Haruka plushie therapy when.

- omg harukun music or paint or any kind of art therapy yes pleasseee

- maybe I’ll finally say that I once really wanted to draw haruka as an autism awareness poster showing things, systems, objects and terms that can help autistic people. I struggled with it though since Autism can’t easily be summed up like that and everyone’s experiences are different, as well as it being difficult to determine how Haruka (would be used as an example of an autistic person/child) is affected by Autism, and what he specifically would benefit from (like what environments, stim toys, fidgets, whether to have people around or not…) as well as haruka also struggling with intense trauma that causes him to act violent, which is probably unrelated to his disability and mostly because he was raised this way

- I suppose a chart or informational poster about Age Regression could be a better idea, but Haruka’s regression seems less concrete in the shifts between little space(s) and his/a “normal” common mindset. I also know very little about age regression.

- I often when I think of ways he could live happily they involve removing something

- maybe it’s me being a fanfic author and wanting to add the enticing incident or specific parts where it all goes a bit wrong in order to reach a recovery point, but the answer shouldn’t be taking more stuff away. Something is already missing for him and it’s a caring environment, but I’m too stupid to work out what it’d have to look like, so I can’t picture it in my head

- it’s worth noting that I think now his LIFE has been removed from him it could lead to recovery (idea where he follows a child raised in a similar situation and tries to see how they can survive without ending up like him, I’m not sure if he’d just observe or actually be a spirit communicating with the kid.

- fanfic idea where ig he could possess them, but then the soul of the kid he’s possessing actually ends up very much like Haruka before he died and he feels really bad and it’s like a horrible cycle thing cuz now that child will possess other children oh noooooo

- also with the way his T3 dead sprite is dressed in uniform (but also kinda with pyjama bottoms lol), I’m not sure if that’s because he’s been taught by Muu already or if it implies he’s going to learn more in the afterlife. Like if he joins in with families and schools who love their children. But he would be noticed by any of them

- it’s also tragic if it just means that his starvation and everything he learnt is Milgram was now the equivalent of an education and that now that he’s specifically died it means his fulfilled and knows everything

- also goes into how milgram and its loneliness was the most important experience for him as the one that may have taught him that murder does not earn (equal) attention

- I’ve been thinking about what pre milgram/mid milgran haruka would do if he faced his death sprite. Maybe he’d see it as what it would be- a representation of his upcoming death and fact that it was/became a good/beneficial thing. But, if it represents a version of Haruka that actually was educated… would he attack him? Out of jealousy? Or vice versa - would the educated Haruka attack the non educated Haruka? Since he was the stupid boy who messed it all up and couldnt ever do anything right in the first place?

- speaking of which, why is AKAAA all knowing? And not all seeing? Wouldn’t a better title be “all seeing and all agony”? He doesn’t know a lot, I’d say he sees more than he knows. Is the all knowing but about the attraction to suicide and the belief that it’s the correct answer that else is ignoring…

- it’d make a little sense for the title to refer to his parents who he believes know everything, but are not seeing him and his suffering, and that they instead are suffering themselves. This’d be one of the only times Haruka disregards his own suffering and says that what his parents have to deal with because of him is greater, like sympathy, except it’s evil and I hate it why the heck wouldn’t you consider yourself first harukun you poor boy

- I mean it’s most likely in reference to Muu, someone who is all knowing and all suffering in his eyes, but clearly not all seeing, as she couldn’t tell haruka was starving himself to death and most importantly because she didn’t see/couldnt understand her own life from Rei’s perspective, as well as being a rich kid who doesn’t know how bad everyone else has it.

- Haruka could have been different if he wasn’t an only child… right? If they had another child to feed and look after they wouldn’t have forgotten Haruka so easily, right? But it’s also very clear that he would have killed his sibling, whoever they are.

- I see how he himself could enjoy or at minimum not be that against being terminally ill or in a psych ward

- because that’s probably what he thinks he deserves but also whenever he needs attention he can ask. Hopefully. I know very little about these situations. But so would he, so once Muu and Milgram have moved him away from praising his parents, he may start romanticising them, maybe esp since they’re similar to the conditions in milgram which he already seems to like

- if he had loving parents I feel he’d be something of a genius and eventually become extremely successful

- I bet he could love and know tonnes about animals. Especially fish

- he should go fishing

- anyway I feel like that removal (in order to minimise him causing harm to himself and others) of freedom also goes into not infantilising him

- I think he naturally has addictive tendencies but I think they all do

- I think he’d love social media (scrolling, mommies calling him good boy, videos about fish) but that isn’t always heathy either

- I don’t think he should become an influencer though. He prob wouldn’t want to until he sees other people earning attention and money online, but I don’t think he’d be able to do it, or that it’d be healthy for him. And I’m worried he’d end up something like a lolcow 😭😭😭

- sorry I’ll try stop thinking about such unlikely and unfortunate concepts, maybe a lot if this is projecting, but I feel like it’s also based on real life disabled people. And you can’t pretend that part of Haruka isn’t there just because it’s dark, unusual and ugly.

- I’ve been thinking lots about how to see him as an adult in a way that’s healthy for him, I was going to make a poll about his best distant(?) future career prospects (I was gonna do a fun thing where each option referenced/reflected/represented a different Milgram character, there’s twelve possible options so I could have done one for es, jackalope and maybe one of the victims or alters or just harukun himself) but I really can’t think of any. Please discuss with me if you have any ideas <3 👀

- could he be a teacher? A social worker? I find that horrible, since he’s basically becoming what he needs/needed in the past, forced to learn how to regulate himself like a social worker would to him, but like if he’s somehow eventually already learnt those skills he could put them to use for other people. I don’t think he’d want to though.

- he should reuse his need to express strength over others to garner attention via fighting bacteria. He will ALWAYS be bigger and therefore stronger (in his eyes ig but like Y’know the power of science bacteria doesn’t have the brains to counter humanity’s combined knowledge) (I think) than bacteria

- cleancore haruka. Harukun in a bubble bath. Very cute. There’s a lot of sea imagery in his MVs, it’d be nice to show how he’s evolved from that to now be in clean, safer water, or to be putting others in it (metaphor for either/both how he’s been treated and how he treats others). I’ll have to keep thinking about it though because I’m not entirely sure what the water represents, and it might be that with the best/true/intended understanding of the metaphor is to not have any water symbolism at all. Also, clean water may give of a sterile feel, like the Haruka featured in his previous MVs was dirty, and that the new one would be stripped clean of that, completely different now, strictly forced into becoming a typical adult…

- brings me to a hypothetical T3 Haruka, in which Muu would have survived, where due to something (maybe Kotoko could have attacked again, but more likely is that it’d be the result/trauma response of his guilty verdict and the physical restraints because of it) where Haruka suddenly acts completely like a normal adult, or at least pretty confident, as if he can do everything, and if he doesn’t already know enough, than he’s mature and sane enough to be taught it. It’d be anticlimactic ig, but also very similar to how Mikoto’s T3 is looking, where the question for the audience is now whether to trust that they’re actually as alright as they say they are, where the harmful side of them has been removed/repressed. I wouldn’t like it, I’d miss the true side of him, and it’s very easy to tell with Mikoto that it would not be healthy. Older Haruka would know not to be violent or hurt things under the assumption that it’s stupid (probably taught to him by Muu), but if ever he were to find himself in actual danger, he’d regress and act like a scared child, unable to be violent because he’ll become lonely again (like they taught him to be in milgram, as part of his T2 guilty verdict punishment) I’m guessing Es would bring a younger side, see that both sides appear not to want to kill again, and leave it there, since it’s Haruka and Milgram has expressed multiple times that they don’t really care about specifically his well being, and just need to make sure he won’t kill again and that someone better is there to raise him.

- in his MV, this could be shown by running a clean bath and then filling it with foam, bubbles, and bath toys - representing the return of a childhood state into a adult body and adults mind. The soapy foam could actually be cleansing Haruka of his traumas or even sins metaphorically, like age regression, scrubbing the horrible things away, like regressing for a while is just like taking a bath. The hard to determine difference between what this metaphorical clean water actually does/represents whats happening to Haruka/what milgram is doing to him/what he is doing to himself, reflects one if the most basic points about haruka, being that he can’t tell the difference between, or is a soul somewhere in the middle of an adult and a child. Which is also similar to how he can’t tell the difference between love and punishment… I was gonna say you can easily remove the toys whenever required, but not so much with the bubbles and soap and foam, which could represent how you can’t ever really take the child’s mindset away from haruka, but ig it’s been diluted with so much blood and dirt (by the sins of his murders and potentially within milgram) that uhhhhh you need to like change the water mostly idk the metaphor kind of falls apart and we’ve already seen baths and water a lot in Mikoto’s and Amane’s MVs I doubt they’d use it again. Sorry it was a stupid tangent.

- it’s interesting that bubbles and bubble baths are quite childish but in Haruka’s hypothetical T3 MV they would represent strict maturity. Though adults aren’t usually as clean (I think of things like violence and sex). Oh and alcohol! Anf drunkenness, that’s why tgere are bubbles in kazui’s MVs I think, but it also might represent something different there. But they both are in a sort of “bubble” in comparison to their peers, certainly, so there’s that. Additionally, there’s a difference between bubbles and foam, foam is more what I’m on about here.

- an extension of cleancore harukun, Haruka’s generally and ig surprisingly good at cleaning and grooming himself compared to the other Milgram boys I think. I can’t tell how much of that is a headcannon or because of Muu, but I like that regardless. I wonder if he didn’t have much access to it while growing up so he uses the showers and soaps and stuff as much as he possibly can.

- though I also see it as being instilled in him from before, with his parents being less disgusted by him when he’s clean and stuff, so he made sure to do it a lot to ensure positive reactions from them. That might lean into why/how/if he wants to present more feminine, he thinks his parents wanted a girl, so he might be trying to embody that by taking more care of his appearance than most boys his age? He also stole specifically a necklace as one of the first things too if that adds to it. Tbf though he wouldn’t be able to make any comparisons to other boys or girls of his age because he spent basically all of his time in the house presumably. That also might be why he’d hypothetically look after his hygiene and appearance more, because he’d always be at home on his own to have access to it. The idea that it’s for his parents falls flat since reactions that are bad often tend to be more elaborate to him and therefore his favourite, so he’d be more likely to intentionally make himself disgust his parents, which is kind of already cannon. There’s also a chance he could really like it because it’s nostalgic and connected to childhood, since cleaning is one of the first and most important things you do with a baby lol ( feel he has the brain to remember that stuff but I think he’s he did/could we’d know. I’m not sure if he knows he wasn’t always neglected tbh). Also because it’s one of the only things he can do on his own, something that he doesn’t feel he’s behind in.

- I mean this does go against his scruffily folded up trousers that he’s probably been wearing since t1 and maybe even since weakness, they look like the same ones. And those shoes and his attempt at wearing them. His feet must be very dirty. But maybe that’s just the autism. At least he changed his shoes. And yeah, he is probably the mentally youngest character in Milgram, with his entire themes being based around that (that official fanart of him shows him scribbling on the floor, as well as his MVs esp akaaa showing him messy), so it’s not that likely, it’s probably entirely Muu.

- but. Like. Haruka caring about his hygiene and by extension appearance also adds an extra twinge to the fact he chose to ruin his body and appearance by dying of starvation… squeaking of which heres an old post I made in my first days of milgramblr similar to that idea which I still like very much

- and. And the paralells that has to Amane who I’m almost certain hates and is terrible with her hygiene. I might make a post about it eventually but it’s yucky and it makes me sad (you can see what I mean though, right? She was abused with a shower Y’know. I’m surprised I have seen anyone talking about this, I mean yeah maybe because it’s so yucky and because she’s just a kid. Anyway this isn’t about her) Milgram hygiene comparisons when

- got me thinking about why haruka had blue hair. I was worrying that his parents dyed it to humiliate him or try show/warn people that he’s not the average kid. But he’s probably just a funny typical anime boy. I might make a poll of my general Milgram hair headcannons but I feel it’s a tired tried idea

- anyway back to scientist harukun. …but I also feel like he’s a creative soul and could be an amazing author… I was thinking more children’s books with pictures drawn by him too but I also think he’s capable of more than just what you’d expect

- can I make him drive? Haruka passes a driving test coming to you this June 22nd

- I wonder if harukun loves scary movies (summerween..,). I wonder if the gore and violence would be better escapism for him than causing him to kill people. However he obviously doesn’t kill people because he likes doing it, he does it for attention (the horror movie escapism idea would be better for Mikoto, who was indeed born in spooky month and who’s MVs have references to horror movies…) Horror movies would also probably trigger trauma. Maybe he’d like romance or family movies then lol. Though I think he’d just get jealous.

- I wanted to draw a comparison of a clearly adult haruka and put it next to a clearly young haruka and make them interact healthily (reverse weakness ig)

- but I don’t know how to express haruka as a healthy adult obviously. When I made that horror movie point I was thinking about drawing him watching something extremely gruesome and 18+ or even cosplaying as it, but that’d just look like the two sides of haruka that are “violent” and “innocent” instead of the “adult” and “child” I was going for

- haruka has an exchange with kotoko all like “I slept in a kennel too”

- is kotoko a good father figure for him

- I can imagine him changing and really liking that once he hurt animals and people but now he’s not and he’s appreciating how far he’s come. But I also think theyd remind him too much of his trauma and make him feel guilty. I don’t think he could work with them though as a job, he wouldn’t be allowed to as I’m sure I’ve said, and I doubt he has it in him to tackle medical school 😨 which I think you’d need for something like that

- I need to see haruka outline a world he’d like to live in where everything is caters to his neurodiverse needs, and to see and prove to everyone and myself that it’s not that drastic or difficult. Also predominantly because I need to see him be able to understand and verbalise his own needs, and tell the difference between those and his wants ig. Rn he thinks all of his needs are wants, a lot of neurodivergent people do.

- I really, really wish the explored age regression more with him

- it’s another thing of taking stuff away from him to minimise harm, but he’s already dead in cannon and I can’t really change that… so idea that he possesses mikoto in replacement of John. That wouldn’t be healthy for either of them. But like. What if it was.

- haruka comparing himself to amane and mikoto for not having a fractioned mind and not being able to hug or hurt or just touch his past self/other representations of himself in his mindscape, despite constantly thinking about it

- amane looks at haruka and thinks “at least my parents didn’t ignore me and I had god I’m sure I have it better” haruka looks at amane and thinks “at least my parents didn’t physically abuse me or make me disregard modern medical science I’m sure my parents love me more than her parents love her”

- adult haruka and baby haruka I need you to coexist

- not enough people calling him harukun compared to how much people call mappi mappi. Why is this. It even affects me, god forbid. I had to go back on this draft and put harukuns where harukuns belong.

- in fact nevermind that, not enough people are talking about the fact he already tried to kill himself before milgram. This is basically cannon right? It’s crazy that the first two prisoner’s involved potential suicide of the prisoners attempts, and ig Yuno did disprove the purgatory theory but… it was still a strange choice to have mentioned that. Was it so we could feel more forgiveness towards Haruka? Since he has one of the most heinous crimes in Milgram imo. Relate to him more? See that he did indeed take responsibility for his actions and feel guilty? Is it just to make weakness more impactful? Like a “they actually did eat the rats” thing? (Also, the strangling, the fall and the rats are some of the only things in the MV that turned out to actually have happened, interesting that they didn’t do that for everyone else but suddenly went back to it to make everyone mega sympathise with Mahiru imo sorry this isn’t good or relevant) was it so we can think he would have had the same fate even if he were to survive Milgram and go back home? That he would have had the same fate if he didn’t go to Milgram at all?

- similarly, not enough people are talking about how he fainted because of attention apparently. Realistically it could have been due to injuries or to witnessing a murder that he himself committed, but the report says it was due to attention. Which is crazy and I feel like if we really internalised that we’d be treating him even more carefully or something. But like. Who can trust the reports right.

- this will end it on too much of a sad note dang

- go watch this it’s about haruka and it’s great

- haruka dressed as android girl and all the two breaths walking outfits out there ig

- ooooo haruka t3 covers. Uh. I’m still on the Tsumi to Batsu train. Maybe we’ll one day get another song in the android girl and Nisoku Hokou. Then we’ll know we’ll finally get T3 dead trio songs and covers lol.

- just properly looked into aimai elegy and yeah that’d work just as well. Visually, the girl in it looks like the girl from nisoku hokou, but I’m not sure if she’s just a reoccurring deco character or if she just so happens to look like them or…

- I’m obsessed with the frutiger metro of nisoku hokou, or at least project diva’s interpretations of it. does anyone else see it? Anyway, Haruka can be that, or better yet, the Frutiger Aero version. Though it’s probably not the aesthetic most suited for him.

- so excited for his birthday art too, I haven’t seen it at the time if writing and posting this, if it has fireworks and summer festival things I’ll cry. Might break it down like I did for Mahirus.

- ah! I forgot to mention! Haruka reminds me a dang lot of Frankenstein! I think I’ll listen to an audiobook of it today while I draw to see if I’m right and to honour him and summerween and what not

- I will never not go all out for harukas birthday. I hit harder for harukas birthday than my own or EVEN mahiru’s. It’s because I’m thinking about Mahiru EVERY SECOND OF MY EXISTENCE already (basically) so I don’t feel like I need to change or prove anything <- being silly <- have I already said or posted or put this one in tags? I can’t remember

But you should remember, kids, it’s happy haruka day, and also summerween, and that boy deserves all the love in the world <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARUKUN!!!