Let me just say, Longhorn Awakening was the most influential retreat I have ever been privileged to attend. I cannot tell you all that went down because it’s confidential and you seriously need to witness it for yourself, but I do want to share something I experienced with all of you. Now, I haven’t told anyone about this, so you are the first to know. So the second day of the retreat my table leader brought in the icon of the Harrowing of Hell, which is this image of Jesus pulling up souls that were roasting in the slow cooker. If you were to look closely at this image, you would notice that Jesus is pulling the souls out by grabbing their wrists and pulling them out of darkness. My table leader explained this by saying, “it’s like when you are walking a kid across the street, you don’t take them by the hand because they might squirm from your grip and escape. You bring them by the wrist, so you have a strong grasp, so it’s harder for them to flee from you.” So basically she tapped this to the decorative centerpiece at our table, and there it remained for the rest of the weekend.
There I was in total darkness... I was in adoration around the same time as the retreat, and the band was playing Set a Fire (down in my soul that I can’t contain that I can’t control - you know the one) kneeling in the presence of GOD. As I stared up at the monstrance, I felt this unspeakable joy and tremendous love for those seated around me. As we sang, I lifted up my hands with my palms facing upward, arms bent, elbows at a 90-degree angle. Then I felt the area around my wrist go numb. I could still wiggle my fingers, but it felt as though someone had a firm grip on my wrists. I didn’t know what was going on and I freaked out. So much so that I shook out my wrist to escape the feeling. Then I thought about my table leader...I thought about the icon. Maybe God is pulling me out of my sins, the sin I have fallen into time and time again. Maybe He is letting me know that I can overcome anything with His guidance. Quickly I moved back into the same position as I said, “I AM SO SORRY. I get it now,” and the feeling returned - a tight pressure around my wrist and this time He wasn’t letting go.
I believe God helped me escape from my wicked ways to continue on my journey and finish the race with Him by my side. I don’t know if many people can relate to this, but I pray that if God presents himself in your life that you do not get scared and shake him away as I did. Rather let go of all the worry and fear, and let God lead you on His path.
For I am the LORD, your God, who grasp your right hand;
It is I who say to you, Do not fear, I will help you.
