Thinking about Alpha-17 and love.
I do hc him on the aro spectrum, not really experiencing/wanting/understanding romantic love, that doesn't mean he doesn't love. He loved Spar. He loves Cody and Obi-Wan and he does in fact love Harmon. But those early loves were so overwhelmed by grief, by guilt, by betrayal that when it comes to Harmon, whatever is between them can't possibly be love because whatever is between them is--happy. It is simple and it is good and it makes him happy.
'17 is not completely emotionally unaware. He knows he cared more than he should have about Spar and Cody and Obi-Wan, and that is why they were able to hurt him by their absence, and admiration, and betrayal. Harmon has not hurt him in any serious, unmitigable way. He cares about Harmon but surely he doesn't care about Harmon as much as he cared about Obi-Wan, because Harmon doesn't leave him in agony. He can't possibly be experiencing any kind of deep emotion related to Harmon because he doesn't feel it deep, this feeling is not a heavy thing to carry. Harmon makes him feel lighter. Harmon makes him feel like he's never been afraid of anything ever in his life, like fear doesn't matter anymore.
At some point in their relationship they are going to have a throw down screaming fight about something. They're going to hurt each other. '17 has already hurt Harmon very deeply and that is going to come up again. But there is nothing... traumatic, about this relationship. And there never will be. And probably '17 will never, ever be able to call it love because it doesn't hurt the way love hurts.
