I really wish it wasn't this hard finding help. My ocd has steadily been getting worse and worse now, to the point where I'm verging on agoraphobic. I've managed thus far to hide it very well because I have a job and classes and duties to fulfill but it's literally to the point now where I do not feel comfortable leaving my house anymore because of how bad my car anxiety has gotten. And everyone I talk to on here tells me the same thing that I should find a professional but it's so hard. I guess there's an ocd recovery place in Grand Rapids but how do I explain this to my parents when I don't want them to find out about this. And from the research I've done, I've found that it's really hard to find therapists who specialize in ocd. And I have severe ocd to the point where I can hardly live with it anymore. I feel like it's sucking away my humanity but at the same time I think that's just a defense mechanism. Because there's no way I can live with all this guilt. I just feel like I'm living in hell because I can't escape this anxiety and guilt. I needed to get this off my chest because today was a particularly bad day. I wish there were more ocd therapists near where I live because I can't move to Grand Rapids. Why does it have to be this hard? It's not like I can tell the people I'm close to, I can hardly live with myself because of the things going on inside my head how can I expect anyone else? I don't know what to do.
