i've struggled to feel like i understand lace, because it always feels as though there are two different directions in which to approach her
she's brutal. she's compassionate. she's reactive. she's centered. she's in hiding. she's front and center. she's a protector. she's a killer. she's a farmer. she's a warrior
i feel like she's a being of dichotomies. it's even in her name: lace and harding
and in veilguard, she, a dwarf, gains magic. this is the ultimate dichotomy, but it's also a dichotomy-that's-not: it's a confluence, a point at which two seemingly contradictory forces meet and create a unified whole
(ppl who want to be tagged for my meta under the cut: as always, lmk if you'd like on or off this list!)
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she kills seemingly without qualm, and compares it to killing wolves as a farmer. while this can be viewed as a process of dehumanizing, i see it more as a realistic assessment of needing to kill threats. but notably, kill them. not wound. not scare. not deter. kill
there is a plain efficiency to that. there is a plain efficiency to her archery. this is where i see mercy tied into her character: sometimes, things need to die. sometimes people do, too. she will kill them without hesitation or mourning, but she will not torture them, she will not make them suffer, she will not enact violence for its own sake but only as an end. i think killing people has that same hard kind of mercy whenever possible
mirroring | people pleasing | observant
growing up, she felt obliged to mirror the people around her, to make herself pleasant and agreeable. i think the mask people wear is a part of them, and thus, i think this is a part of her. but it is clearly not the totality of her, just one facet brought out, honed, practiced
this ties into how observant she is, because she had to be. to mirror, one must observe. one must understand. otherwise the mirroring fails. so she learned, and learned quick, how people were. how they would react to her. how much and in what ways they could be trusted, how vulnerable she could be around them (although her willingness to be vulnerable had a permanent cap on it for most of her life)
it is also why she was able to see the inquisitor, to see the person under the title. it's why she is able to see solas, to see the man under the title(s). she can see the mask, even if she can't see past it, and she knows intuitively that there is more under the surface
loyal | compassionate | forgiving
those she cares about, those she knows she can trust with herself to whatever degree, she will defend to the end. they are her family, in a way: they are the people she will care about even if they hurt her. we see this with solas, someone she still cares about, still wants to talk to, still wants to understand (although with solas, i think part of that is how much she respects varric and how she wants to honor his memory, his death, and his goals)
her compassion is one of her defining characteristics, and for good reason. also, it is evidence of a profound strength... and, very possibly, a deep, habitual self-dismissal
angry | reactive | rash
just the same, there is a core of deep anger in her. the result of many things, one of which is a lifetime of making herself small and palatable and swallowing back "bad" emotions. i also see this in her restless desire for action, because to linger, to dwell, to consider, is to make herself vulnerable to that well of buried feelings
i don't think she desires violence. i think she desires action. and that in her work, the two are interwoven
hard working | self contained
as a result, she throws herself into her work. she tries to become it. and what is her work? a scout. an archer. a tracker. these are not gentle jobs, not delicate occupations. they come with an inherent violence. even being a farmer came with a violence, the violence of the protector, the violence of the shepherd
she tries to fit herself into the frame of her work, to pour herself into that mold, but she is more than her work, more than her skill, more than her unflinching willingness
i'm gonna repost this with just the meta bc the first chunk was just very personal and i would like to include the companion meta in this masterlist... but not necessarily the personal stuff 😂
Veilguard Companions and Relationships
in davg, not one of the companions has an entirely healthy or sustainable approach to relationships of any type
it's hard for lace. she grew up learning how to make herself approachable, acceptable, pleasant. she made herself tolerable to everyone. she was young and vulnerable and she learned quick that it was safer if she conformed. if she made herself reflect the person she was talking to. if she doesn't stand up for herself, doesn't make waves, just lets things slide...
and lucanis picks up on that immediately. lucanis, who's a professional assassin, sees lace lying to make people happy and recognizes the behavior instantly. i'm still wrapping my mind around him, but to me, this implies that he - or possibly illario, i suppose - went through something similar; that, or that part of their training was around deceiving people, lulling them into a sense of security, and then betraying that. but to see lace doing it with her friends? i think that strikes him as very fundamentally different
and that's not even digging into the complexity between him and caterina...
then we have taash, who has been making themselves fit into a box their whole life. and now, finally able to step foot outside that box, they are loud about it, they are unapologetic, they are claiming and they are angry. and they know that shathann cares about them, in her way, that they matter to her, but it's not enough and it's not right and it's not the way taash needs to be loved and supported, so they're angry about that relationship, too; angry and regretful at the end that they could never come to a point of understanding one another. that's a very real grief. but they're also rough around the edges, they're harsh, they're critical, they're quick to anger and quick to hold grudges and slow to apologize if they ever do. yet they reach out and, with a little help, they're able to cross bridges, able to understand different ways of being. they're no longer constrained by grief and repression, and that allows them to be vulnerable in a way they struggled to before
and bellara. my current rook only does the stern/crossed arms options, and y'know, some of them are really harsh. and there have been times that bel has approved of that? and i don't... look, i admit there are multiple interpretations to everything, but like i said at the start, this is personal. so, to me, this is a neurodivergent woman used to being Too Much For Anyone and just accepting any criticism and rolling with it. she doesn't let herself feel hurt by it. she approves of it. she's used to being alone, and rook/irelin/strife/anyone who has ever even potentially criticized her is Probably Right, but it's fine, because she works better alone, anyway! and look at what she can do - she has these skills! it's okay if no one likes to spend much time with her, because she can be useful. and there's always the memory of cyrian, someone who not only accepted her, but loved her the way she was. no one can measure up to that, surely. it's because cyrian was special. she can't expect anything like that from anyone else... so she doesn't
davrin is one of the healthier companions in many ways, i think, but he's also used to a very particular type of relationship and i think he's fumbling a little without that familiar structure. these aren't wardens bonding over a shared struggle. and even though he felt on the outside of his clan, he also shared good times with them, but that was an intrinsic bond, the people he'd known his whole life, the people who shaped him. having to connect with people he has no shared history with is strange and unfamiliar, but he does it anyway - with all of them. and with assan. everything is so new for him, but he takes the opportunity, he wants the opportunity... but at the same time, he's so afraid of leaving everybody behind. he knows what it is to grieve, but does not want to be the reason they grieve. he wants to connect, and he does, but there's a very real fear there
and neve. god, neve. neve is the woman alone. she trusts no one, because they won't last. they'll leave. or, worse, they'll die - and it'll be her fault. again. she can't do that, so she doesn't trust. she accepts partnerships, but not friendships, certainly not relationships. she asks you to help her save her home, but she's not surprised if you save treviso instead. she's professional. after all, she's always been alone. and she should be - it's better this way. no strings attached. she can do what needs to be done, she can focus. no distractions. no trouble. no loose ends. (it's easier this way, surely)
and emmrich! emmrich. outwardly, he seems very put-together. he's very, very compassionate, very gentle, and always believes in everybody - even solas. and then he tells johanna that he would have helped her, if she'd just come to him, and that's when it clicks. he is loyal... to a fault.
don't misunderstand: i love johanna. i love their relationship, however you want to view it. but emmrich will not set anyone aside, he will not give up on anyone. he is scared to die, but he puts himself at great risk to save spirits he doesn't even know. and he doesn't have to know them to care about them. he is incredibly self-sacrificing, willing to risk not only death, but all of his life. by which i mean: his days, his time, his energy, his will, his focus, his faith. every part of his life, he is willing to dedicate to others. he can't be selfish. he can't take what he needs, or what he wants. he always gives, instead
and if you follow through on their companion quests and all, then each of these people grow. they find balance; some find a lot of balance, some are just finding the very beginning of the path, some go back and forth. and i'm sure the romances affect things, too. but there is not a single companion who has an entirely healthy approach to relationships of any kind, and none of them are children; they are all adults. some young adults, yes, but still all adults, and yet they struggle openly with relationships
and that's cathartic to see. that's representative. that's realistic and earnest. and it just means a lot to me
