#hapansqueen

[ @hapansqueen​ ] “Honor is in the heart, not the name.” / jaina

Jaina wrinkled her nose, staring up at the night sky — stars washed out by the soft glow of Yavin’s gas giant on the horizon. “Yeah, ‘cause that’s a very Jedi thing to be. Y’know.... who you are. Separate from,” she gestures, hand waving vaguely at the shape of her body in the grass, and, trying to keep a straight face, mimicking her uncle mimicking Yoda, “this crude matter.”

It’s so hard not to laugh, even a little, at her own joke ( and at that thought, Jaina reaches out, wondering where her twin was, what was taking him so long to join them in the clearing ).

“You don’t think it would be even a little awe-inspiring? ‘Tenel Ka Djo, Jedi Master’, and people whispering behind their hands. A reputation that precedes you?”

The thoughts of a starry eyed teenager, sure, but... it wouldn’t hurt to entertain the thought, envision a future like that. To wonder what it would be like, even in knowing that wasn’t the path that any of them would take.

They were going to be Jedi, not celebrities.

➝ @hapansqueen​ said: People are quick to project human features onto things they don’t understand.  / mina

    Philosophical debates had a way of turning into something much more convoluted than originally planned. She had listened to her friend’s commentary attentively, eventually coming to the conclusion that she could see the point the Queen Mother made, but not quite agreeing with her. “ I think while we definitely have a tendency to project our OWN experiences and feelings onto others — I do not believe it is entirely wrong to put this kind of perspective onto the force as a whole. ” She reached for the glass she had seemingly abandoned earlier on the table in front of her, hoping her shaking hands would go unnoticed by her old friend. She was still far from as recovered as she PRETENDED to be. “ The force flows through every living thing and surely you’ll have to agree it is alive in itself. It guides us and at worst controls us. ” That control the force had over her was exactly what she feared most. She had reached for it with open arms in her darkest moments ( and she could still hear it whispering in her ear from time to time ). 

➝ @hapansqueen​ said: I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do for you, unless you’re interested in medical trivia? Or a joke? / jacen

   “ I’d prefer the joke over medical trivia right now to be quite honest. ” A strained laugh that soon developed into a painful cough escaped him and when he finally caught his breath again he quickly added: “ On second thought, maybe making me laugh will make this WORSE. Though I would love to see you tell a joke any other time. ” He reached out to take her hand with a smile on his face. The fact she had taken time of her training to see him all by herself at all was quite an honour for him even if he was not quite sure how to express his gratefulness to her. His jokes would surely fail him here and he couldn’t even get up to hug her right now. 

   Of course she would notice he was different now. It wasn’t like he had made a secret of that since his return, everyone EXPECTED him to have changed drastically and he had — just not exactly in the way people had thought he would. He had become more serious, more quiet ... he hadn’t talked about what he had gone through since his return and he knew his parents and his uncle worried about that, they feared Vergere managed to do things to him that made him loyal to her but the truth was much easier than that: She had taught him invaluable lessons that he would never be able to forget. No one seemed to understand that despite what she had done to him, her words had held some TRUTH to them, a truth Jacen couldn’t simply dismiss now. So he didn’t talk about it. If no one understood he would have to make it work on his own. 

    But Tenel Ka had asked him about what he had been through, directly addressed things everyone else seemed too scared to approach. He liked that about her but it also worried him. How would she react to the things he had done while he had been away? Would she JUDGE him? He had thought about telling her a few times when she visited again but had never had the courage to speak up. Now it seemed like his nervousness had alarmed her enough that she felt the need to check in on him. How embarrassing ... he didn’t want her to worry, not when she had so many things to worry about already. 

“’Do. Or do not.  There is no try.’” The old grandmaster’s words came to mind unbidden.  It wasn’t the first time Tenel Ka had heard him re-quote these words; but, perhaps, she would understand more now that she was older -- now that she was queen of Hapes; not simply his Jedi apprentice. 

   She knew the moment she decided to simply remove her own presence from the force, cut herself off from it entirely, her mother would want to speak to her. These were not the kind of things that would happen without some kind of RESISTANCE coming from her family and her mother was obviously the first to notice. They were close enough that Allana imagined her mother had felt her fading presence and assumed the worst for a second perhaps, something she regretted putting her mother through but she had wanted to do this on her own terms, without anyone getting to talk her out of it before she had even tried it. She was 16 now and had thought long and hard about her past, about her family and the complicated legacies and history she had inherited from both her parents and their families. The logical conclusion, to Allana at least, was that she could not be allowed to keep the force as her ally. So many bad things had been made possible with the force in the hands of her family. She knew herself well enough to know her anger was a RISK. So she had decided to remove the force from the equation, repress the curse that had been passed down to her even if her family disapproved.

Tenel K.a/Jacen fanmix for @hapansqueen​ ( don’t reblog unless ur Kore )

➝ @hapansqueen​​​​ said: “ you make me want to live. ” / - jacen

   The quiet moments between them were rare, much too rare. He could barely remember the last time they had been close like this and this was the first night they had been allowed to truly be TOGETHER. Even ‘ allowed ’ didn’t quite put it right. They had finally decided that the rules didn’t matter and they would be together even if it went against everything they had been taught. No one had magically lifted the restrictions that kept them from each other, they had simply ignored them for a night and they would catch up with them again eventually. But just this once they were allowed to be selfish, to shut the whole world out and focus on each other without the weight of the whole GALAXY on their shoulders. No jedi knight business, no duties of the queen mother. Not in this room, not tonight. 

    Five long years he had been gone, away from the woman who had owned his heart since he had met her over a decade ago. In all this time he had wondered if she felt the same about him. There had been moments during the war, the brief connection he had felt to her on Myrkr, the glances they had given each other after he had learnt of her coronation ... but it had taken him another couple of years to embrace her and feel just how MUCH she loved him back. So much wasted time ... but that didn’t matter now, not when he finally held her in his arms, when he had her head resting on his chest while feeling her happiness flow through him as if it was his own. All he had learnt about the force was nothing compared to the passion and love he had been allowed to experience tonight. If Tenel Ka would ask him, he would stay, without hesitation — and that was where the DANGER of it all lay, wasn’t it? They couldn’t afford to think like this. Not when the queen mother had to be dedicated to her own people first and her heart second. But for now he wanted to remain selfish, to keep his lover all to himself and ignore the fact their duties would always force them to part ways.