✔️ scrunched up eyes ✔️ curling into ball ✔️ naughty 10 year old

curling into ball demonstration:

kit doesn’t always have enough time or enough room to execute curling-into-ball with perfect form, but he nails it here with a score of 10s across the board

in motion:

characters that have had a tooth pulled: merilance, everyone who's ever gone to see the witch of marrow-more

Hello, BOS Fans! 

Do you get confused by which Arthur the post on your dash is about?

Do you start reading a post about a sexy BOS bad boy only to find out you’re reading about some random cowboy?

Or are you a RDR fan who has the opposite problem (for some reason) and gets annoyed when your yeehaw post turns out to be an ad victoriam?

WELL THEN THIS GUIDE IS FOR YOU!

***Disclaimer: I have never played Red Dead Redemption 2, I played RDR 1 for like an hour, and I didn’t bother to do any research. This is just meant to be a little bit of fun, your game looks great, don’t get mad.***

Ever since Red Dead Redemption II came out, I get occasional posts about Arthur that turn out not to be about MY Arthur, but rather about some cowboy dude, I guess. It’s very frustrating.

Sure you could block the tag, but that’s work. They aren’t really hurting you, and if you’re like me and can’t help but click on the super obvious “HEY YOU BLOCKED THIS ARE YOU SUUUUUURRRRE YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE IT” thing that tumblr does, and would rather just scroll past, then you need help.

To that end, I have created this handy guide.

First off, appearance. 

If it’s this handsome, brooding, sexy fucker, it’s Arthur Maxson.

(pic from the fallout wiki)

Please note the indoor landscape, the piercing blue eyes, the fresh and not at all scrabby looking haircut, and the distinctive leather coat with fur. So sexy. However the most defining feature is the scar, which he earned when he fought a deathclaw with his bare hands. His bare hands. Seriously, no wonder everyone’s horny on main for this guy.

However

If it’s this rugged cowboy type dude, it’s Arthur Morgan:

(pic from gamerant.com)

Please note the outdoorsyness, the purse, the old fashiony hat, and the bandana. Now he is also wearing a leather coat with fur, so it can be easy to get confused, but remember the key feature: NO SCAR. Where Arthur Maxson battled a deathclaw with his bare hands and won, I think this guy just battled a bear maybe. Just a regular one too, not even an irradiated one. And he probably had a revolver. So that’s important. 

But what if there’s no screenshot, you ask!

I’m coming to that part. Hold on to your laser rifles, my darlings.

If it’s a text post referring only to Arthur, you have some cues.

If the post mentions

The Prydwen

His coat

The Brotherhood of Steel

The Commonwealth

How much he hates Synths, Ghouls, Supermutants, or Toasters

His Shiny Steel Dick

Then you’re reading an Arthur Maxson post.

If the post mentions

Horses

Uhhhh.... bandits I guess

Maybe a lost son? Or was that the first one idk I never played it

Camping! I think there’s camping in this!

More horses

Then you’ve got Arthur Morgan on your hands.

Some other things to look out for.

Companions.

Other people mentioned might be a good clue too.

Some people mentioned In Arthur Maxson posts:

Danse

Sole Survivor

“My OC”

Sarah Lyons

People with cool sounding ranks like Knight, Sentinel, or Paladin

Some people mentioned in Arthur Morgan posts:

Mary something or other

John Misdon maybe idk

Other old timey sounding names.

And the final clue, is the topic of the post.

If the post discusses these topics, it’s Arthur Maxson:

Wanting to fuck him

Wanting to kill him, either for his coat or because they hate him

Just hating him in general

Mocking him for being too young

Hating people because they like him

Sticking up for him because someone said something bad about him and they’ve just Had Enough

More wanting to fuck him

If the post discusses these topics, it’s Arthur Morgan:

Deep discussions on his background

His relationship with Mary or John or whoever

His relationship with his horse

The time he skinned a deer

Remember these key features: 

Arthur Morgan is the Player Character, so people naturally identify with him. 

Arthur Maxson is an attractive NPC who gets an inordinate amount of attention in the fandom because some people think he’s hot and some people hate that other people think he’s hot. 

IN CONCLUSION

Hopefully that helps you weary Tumblr scrollers sort the two characters out. I know it certainly helped me. REBLOG TO SAVE A LIFE

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

Please reblog! Handwriting translation under cut