#hamstarter

Greatest apologies to those who were looking forward to Eliza's birthday celebration, but due to unforeseen events and my own incompetence, I have to cancel. I hope this didn’t mess up too many people’s plans, but I doubt it since it’s only Tuesday and no one actually parties on a Tuesday. So...sorry again, my bad.

-- Okay, I know I talk a big game about knocking nearly everything I do out of the ballpark (which still rings true, for those of you who still have your heads up your asses), but. I think I'm a little lost on this one. In an attempt to get some wedding planning crossed off the list, just to settle my mind during some downtime, I ended up at a bakery off of 65th. And I told them as much as they needed to know in order to get a feel of what kind of things I could look for and expect on a wedding cake, and the draft price they gave me was well over $300? They were almost offended when I up and left, acting like I've done them some kind of disservice when they're trying to swindle me into blowing my money on a fucking cake. A cake.

I would like to make a formal announcement before I leave for a much needed vacation from the shitty state our world is in. I know it’s the week of the DNC’s but Hillary will do a fine job on her own, and my writers know exactly what to cover in my absence. Don’t try to contact me, unless you really really miss me. And I promise I won’t be too surprised by my welcome home party.

Here I am, holed up on a Wednesday night, pouring over a client’s contract they deemed “too restrictive”. Maybe they’re right, and maybe it is my job, but I’d really rather be taking advantage of my Spotify free trial than highlighting clauses and micro-clauses. Speaking of, does anyone have any recommendations for new artists? I feel like all the ones I follow aren’t very, exciting. 

So, 47 years ago, the United States of America landed people on the moon. Or well, they say they did. Of course, the moon landing is always up for discussion and is a very intense conspiracy theory that I will admit, I have never fully discredited. But anyways, it's still lit. I mean, what do you think? It could make sense that it would be faked, given the space race and the Cold War was happening. But at the same time, that's a lot of money just for a victory. -- And no, I'm not high.

Bilbo Waggins has refused to stop chewing everything in sight, despite the fact that he has a plethora of chew toys at his disposal, he seems hell-bent on getting at my shoes. He’s currently in a time-out in his cage, where things to chew are limited to things I bought specifically for that purpose, while I try to salvage my things. He’s lucky he’s cute. Someone help.

-- Okay, we need to talk. You, me, and the world. Face to face. To.. face.

I woke up this morning and realized that I haven’t seen anything outside of my apartment and Guns & Ships in two weeks. Needless to say, I think I need a vacation. Though that’s just wishful thinking because when you’re livin-la-vida-broka, a vacation is a far fetched idea rather than a potential reality. Can someone at least send me a picture of the beaches of Jamaica? I’ll share a Pina Colada with you.