#halftheworldaway

“Maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me”

One of the better known lines in the Oasis hit -Wonderwall-. But here’s the funny thing, they actually saved me, prevented me from killing myself and prevented me from falling into a dark hole where i would have never been able to crawl out of, back into the light.

It was the summer of 2017, known to me as ‘the summer of heartbreak’ or ‘the worst summer of my life’ or ‘the summer of tears’. Or maybe even all of these at once. I was a stupid fool, made some bad decisions and lost the love of my life. My high school sweetheart, my babydoll, my little girl. I lost her, and with her i lost the ability to enjoy the sun on my face, the smell of the evening rain, the stars in the summersky late at night. I lost the ability to enjoy rock ‘n roll and be part of the myth. I lost the ability to write songs, to write lyrics, i lost the ability to play. But the most important thing, i lost happiness. 

“Losing her was like losing the rain”

She broke up with me on the 4th of September. It was the toughest period of time i ever went through. Today, two months have gone by and i can honestly say it was a very rough period, but i learned a lot. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me. In only two months time, i learned to differentiate my real friends from the phonies, i found out what i wanted to do in life and what i had to change about myself. 

A friend of mine left town in September, he went to study abroad in Milan. One night, right before he left, he called me in the middle of the night. He asked me if he could crash at my place cause he had no place to go. I let him in. That was the start of a long chain of conversations with this guy about life and what it all means. He told me i should check out the documentary ‘supersonic’, about a band called ‘Oasis’. So i did. Their attitude towards people, society and life in general shook me. Noel’s amazing songwriting and Liam’s great voice made me dig deeper into their music. Of course there were a few songs i already knew like ‘wonderwall’ or ‘don’t look back in anger’, but there was so much more just waiting to be discovered. So many great lines, big rock ‘n roll riffs and attitude, attitude, attitude, attitude. Liam Gallagher is one piece of arrogance and attitude, but man do i love to see that guy sing. He really doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what anyone thinks about him. Neither does Noel. They’re just two brothers with an incredible talent displayed in all these great albums.

Because of the fact that i still love my girl (well,.. ex-girlfriend), i really didn’t feel the need to go out. Cause i didn’t want to see all these girls begging for attention, or couples eating each other’s faces. I wanted to be on my own. But i happen to have great friends and they wouldn’t let me be on my own. So instead of going out, they came over to my place. Always one friend, or two, maybe three. But no matter the group, i was always in good company. These where the nights where i talked a lot, and by that i mean A LOT. After a few drinks and ‘sandwiches’, these conversations started to get serious. It all came down to one thing, i miss my girl, i think it’s unfair that she was taken from me, and if i could go back and fix what i had damaged, i would. But you can never go back, i had to acquiesce the fact that she’s gone. In the background of our conversations, there was always one band playing ‘oasis’, songs like ‘half the world away’, ‘live forever’, ‘the masterplan’, ‘champagne supernova’.. Always seemed to make me realize that there was more to life than the heartache i was feeling at the time. It made me realize that ‘NOW’ is more important than the past or the future. When we were high we listened to ‘champagne supernova’ and we talked about all the people that were gone. We listened to that song over and over again and silently sang along, ‘How many special people change? How many lives are livin strange? Where were you while we were getting high?’. We sat there, night after night, with our faces in the sky smiling at each other like idiots saying ‘these are the best nights of our lives’. And i do believe they are, i long for these nights cause they make me realize that all that i am, and all that i’ll ever be is because of the people that take care of me when i’m at my lowest. And i’ll never forget these moments of pure happiness. How a good friend can make you forget all the heartache in the world. 

Being alone is hard, it makes me think about all that i’ve done wrong and all that i could’ve done better. This is where Oasis is really important to me. Their music always tells me that i’m great, that i’m perfectly imperfect, that i’m a rock ‘n roll star, i’m supersonic, i’m awesome. It gives me the feeling i can take on the world and i do. I do take on the world, i started playing again, more viciously than ever, i started writing again, i started dreaming again, i started living again… Let them talk, i’m a rock ‘n roll star. 

The first 4 weeks after the break up, i went to bed as early as i could, so i could sleep untill tomorrow and forget about my sorrow (funny thing, it rhymes). It was hard falling asleep tho, because i kept thinking ‘does she have someone else, has she kissed anyone yet? is she thinking about me?’. I used to play the song ‘talk tonight’ and ‘half the world away’ on repeat during lonely nights. They gave me a sense of existence, of self-awareness. ‘Half the world away’ actually gave me the idea that i didn’t need anyone else to be happy, that i could leave this damned city at any given time. It made me feel free. Like Liam sings in ‘whatever’, ‘i’m free to be whatever i, whatever i choose and i’ll sing the blues if i want’. I am free, i am a crooked, weird looking, human being, but i’m free. I play rock ‘n roll and i’m good at it, i can move people and i’m proud of it. I have great friends and i cherish them, i have a wonderful family and i can’t wait to start my own. I’m free, Oasis made me feel free, for the first time in forever, i’m free.

Oasis is freedom, rock ‘n roll, happiness, carelessness, it’s long nights of getting high with friends, it’s great car rides to unknown places, it’s concerts, lights, and smiles. It’s a ‘fuck you all, i know what i’m doing and i do what i do best’ -attitude. It’s arrogance and humility all at once. It’s self-respect and respect for others. Oasis saved my life, brought the sun back into my life, it made me breathe again, smell the night again, it made me enjoy the rain on my skin, it made me enjoy life again. Oasis saved my life, like no other band could’ve done right now. I don’t look back in anger, i’m grateful for the lessons i’ve learned and the people i’ve met along the way.

‘wherever this road may guide me, it will always guide me home’

And to my friends, family and everyone i love