#halfacre

Brewery : Half Acre Beer : Tuna Style : American Pale Ale / Pale Ale / APA / XPA / Extra Pale Ale Variance : None

9 / 10

A tuna is a saltwater fish that belongs to the tribe Thunnini, a sub grouping of the mackerel family which together with tunas, also includes the bonitos, mackerels, and Spanish mackerels. Imagine if my review was just line for line a fucking Wikipedia definition of a tuna?! You’d probably call up Nev Schulman to work his Catfish magic and find my address and beat the piss out of me for boring you half to death with facts about fish that 90% of you couldn’t give a shit about. Instead let’s restart this the right way, shall we?

Bumbawe Atuna…Bumbawe Atuna… Nice to meet you too. Bumblebee tuna! Bumblebee tuna! Excuse me, your balls are showing. Bumblebee tuna! Man, I love those Ace Ventura movies and I miss 90’s Jim Carrey too. I can tell you this though, this beer will definitely be the pick me up to get over any depression you may have and if you are always feeling chipper, this will only enhance that happiness to the maximum level. A great oniony hop flavor starts things off with just the right amount of punishing bitterness before some citrus and pine flavors mix in keeping that bitterness going strong while also adding a refreshing quality before ending with some resinous hops and acidity. The best part about this beer to me is unlike other brands of tuna, you never have to worry about if Half Acre’s is dolphin free or if it’s in water or oil (really? who gets tuna in oil??) but instead you just have to worry about how fast you can pour it down your gullet. For the pros out there this is a definite pick up because it nails the style and elevates above what a majority of breweries are offering so get out there and snag some cans! As for you newbies I feel like this one has me torn because even though the hops are aggressive and it doesn’t shy away from the bitterness, it still packs some pretty awesome flavor that could appeal to rookies if you’re ready. Either way, stop fishing and start drinking!

Brewery : Half Acre Beer : Navaja Style : Double IPA / Imperial IPA / DIPA Variance : None

9 / 10

Ahhhh, Navaja. Clearly the female version of the word Navajo if you are going by the Spanish language’s rules because apparently O = guy and A = girl. I’m not sure how that came to be but I’m being told I’m wrong about the whole female version of Navajo thing anyways so looks like this is just another thing you get screwed out of Native Americans. Navaja is actually a Croatian word which translates to “announcement” which makes perfect sense seeing as how this beer wants to shout to the world how fucking fantastic it is. This is probably one of the most bad ass cans I’ve ever seen because I feel like it should have been the artwork for one of Job For A Cowboy’s CDs and it doesn’t hurt that the whole can is gold in color. Basically, I felt like King Midas drinking this which is why I kept my hands away from my groin because the last thing I need is a lump of gold for a dick. This pine bomb explodes in your mouth to start with some spruce and mother nature coating your tongue before some floral hops and a nice bitterness intensify things in the middle with some delicious resinous hop flavors before ending with a mixture of all of those flavors along with some sweetness and alcohol to wrap things up. I forgot how much I loved Half Acre and the fact that they prove that a beer doesn’t have to look like Pinellopy Pineapple took a piss in your cloudy DIPA to taste amazing. If you are a fan of the style and want to taste an absolutely superb version of it, make sure you pick this up because it kicks ass and if you disagree, that crazy skeleton will cut your balls off or dig your ovaries out with one of it’s many swords. As for you newbies, I’d definitely avoid this one for the time being until you’ve tasted a little bit more because this has some bold and powerful flavors going on that might be a bit too much for ya. Prost!