#hale caesar

Hearing a knock on your gated door, you quickly open it, unlocking the gate with an excited squeal.

“Damn baby, don’t get too excited,” Lee smiles, British accent ever so apparent.

“Why not? I finally get to meet the amazing family you always brag about,” you counter, justifying your racing heartbeat.

“They’re judgy that’s all. I don’t know how they’re going to react to...”

“-To a younger girl that has completely better taste than you,” you playfully roll your eyes.

“Well-” he starts, “Yes.”

“Yeah? Well I believe there’s nothing to worry about. They sound amazing and supportive. Just you wait,” you reassure him, grabbing your purse and favorite sweatshirt, checking your hair in the mirror as you pass. 

Walking past him, you squeeze his strong shoulder, pecking his lips for good measure. Nearing the door, you snatch up your helmet, excitement thrilling through your bones with anticipation. 

“I hope your right, I’d have to drop ya’ if they don’t approve,” Lee jokes, pulling on his leather jacket and helmet before locking the door and protective gate once more.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, straddling the backseat of the motorcycle, patting the driver’s seat as you catch Lee’s childish pout. “I’m not gonna wait all night, Sweetheart.”

Finally looping his legs around the bike and revving the engine, Lee speeds off into the direction of the lively city. Lights sparkling and cars dancing about, you smile as you bite your lip, placing your head on Lee’s back. He smiles despite his worries, lovingly reaching a hand back to squeeze your knee faintly.

As the smell of smoke and music booming catches your attention, you lift your head to catch sight of a bar. It was like any other is what you thought at first, scrunching your face is slight disappointment and confusion. Lee laughs, “This is Barney’s bar. His only bar that he enjoys more than life.”

“Oh,” is all you manage, your nerves now spiking as the earlier excitement shifts to queezy nervousness. Somehow, your moods had both flipped, adopting the other’s previous mood. 

Grabbing your hand in his, Lee catches your anxious demeanor, pecking your temple and squeezing your hand as a reminder that he’s right there with you. Looking you in the eye, you sigh, nodding your head as a signal that you’re ready, Lee smiling and opening the large door.

Instantly the air shifts; drinks, laughter, screaming, bets, smoke, dancing, singing, and fights hitting you automatically, paired with the loud upbeat music. You spot the group of men strangely, never seeing them once in your life, yet knowing just who they are based off of the way they perceive themselves.

Leading you to the table, Lee walks to the end of the booth giving the stink eye as a warning. The laughing stops simultaneously, the men catching sight of you, clad in leggings, Uggs, sweatshirt and all.

“Guys, this is Y/N, the girl I’ve been talking to you about for months.”

Silence. No one speaks. Standing awkwardly, you cough, the men sizing you up with immense tensity. “Hi,” you manage, scolding yourself at the stupidity. 

On instinct, the largest man at the table barks with laughter, your response striking him unexpectedly. You smile shyly, cheeks heating up, but enjoying the enthusiasm nonetheless, knowing how ridiculous you’d just sounded. 

Unable to control themselves any longer, the rest of the men chime in too.

“Oh come on now, sit your asses down and drink. We ain’t gonna bite,” an Italian, Barney you assumed based on Lee’s fondness towards the man, says warmly.

Moving over to make room, you sit between some of the men, a man with a cauliflower ear moving out of the way so you could sit comfortably in the center of the curved booth while he sat back down at the end. Lee, sitting on the other end, smiles as he fist bumps Barney, whispering something incoherent to you.

“So, you’re the Y/N Lee doesn’t shut up about, huh?” the blond responds again, calming down enough to reassume his later brooding look.

“U-Uhm, I guess I am?” you question, unsure due to the man’s vehemence.

“So you’re not Y/N Y/L/N then?” he chuckles.

“Well no. I mean, I am, but Lee doesn’t seem to be as much of the talking type you make him out to seem. It confused me was all,” you answer earnestly, calming as you were given the opportunity to fully explain yourself.

“Ah, I see,” he says, nodding, “So that means that he only acts like a sappy school girl around us then? Lucky us...”

“I guess so...” you look at your man, cheeks heating at the thought of him talking so lovingly about you, even when you weren’t there. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I got your name,” you smile.

“Gunnar. The one with the vegetable ear is Toll, the short Italian with the big mouth is Barney, the even shorter Korean is Yin Yang, and the big black man is Caesar.”

You laugh at the descriptions given, nodding to each of the men as Gunnar called them out dramatically. As he finished his sentence, chugging a beer, everyone had chimed in to give Gunnar a good ‘fuck you,’ throwing napkins and straws at the Swedish mountain.

...

The rest of the night had been a blast. You had gotten to truly know the men and feel just at home in their presence. You’d danced, drank, ate shitty bar food that you actually enjoyed, and even had the opportunity to privately get to know each of the men.

Toll Road was a sweet man who’d earned himself a cauliflower ear from wrestling when he was young. He was very respectful and complimented your clothing, dubbing it “bold.” He talked your ear off about all the things Lee said about you, making you blush more than once. He was supportive.

Hale Caesar was a funny man and embodied the label of ‘Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover.’ You thought of him as an intimidating force, but he’d automatically broke that chain upon the first greeting. He was a huge Teddy Bear that enjoyed jokes and games. He was fun.

Yin Yang was just a smidgen taller than you, but deflected any mentions towards his work ethic and strength. He was quick-witted, smart, and fast. There was something about him that was encouraging, and he didn’t let you doubt yourself. He liked your character, and for that, accepted you from the get-go. He was down to earth.

You’d gotten a chance to speak to Gunnar once more, and found him to be a very brooding, almost sad soul. He had many emotional scars, just like the rest of the men, that stayed embedded on the side of his head. He was closed off for the most part, but you assumed it was your warm demeanor that cracked him just a little bit. He was protective.

Towards the end of the night, you finally got to talk to the man that seemed to be of the utmost importance when it came to the acceptance of the family. Barney was like a father figure that you needed approval of, yet was the best friend Lee never dreamed of. You don’t know what had sparked when he met you, but you hadn’t argued. He hugged you close out of nowhere, and you had no doubt in your mind that you find home in this tiny group of misfits.

As time passed, you had grown even closer to the gang. You always came over to the bar or the tattoo parlor with goodies. You became almost like the older sister that came with candy you had to hide form your mother, and the men loved it. You had fit in so well that even if you weren’t officially an Expendable, you were given a smaller tattoo to solidify your importance lovingly. Tool had even made sure it was, “Distinctly beautiful. As are you, lovely.”

///

Yawning, you check the time on the clock above the shelf containing the numerous bottles of liquor. Time to go home, you smile. Lee had texted you earlier explaining that he’d be late to pick you up as he was going over the details of his next mission. You agreed lovingly, but now, as the time had gotten extremely late, and you worked an extra four hours to keep busy, all you wanted was to go home.

Texting Lee a quick update, you inform him on where you’re going just to keep him in the loop. Three bubbles appeared then disappeared again. Taking that as a sign that he saw it, you missed his later text that would inform you of what was to come.

Grabbing your coat, you curse your ankles for the tiresome heels your bar required within its clothing requirements. Tying your hair back in a messy bun, you wave goodbye to the poor women and men still stuck bar tending and waitressing. Finally, clocking out and removing your name tag, you step out into the brisk chill of the city air.

Your apartment was just a few blocks over, but due to insufficient funds, you live on the wrong side of town. There was too many crimes to count, and many justifiable reasons as to investing in a gun, which was kept neatly tucked in your purse.

However, upon the cruel shrill of a dog whistle, the chill that courses down your spine was enough to have you picking up your pace on the dim sidewalk. Seeing an alleyway that provides a longer, yet secluded, route to your apartment complex, you walk as fast as your skimpy heels could manage. You could hear the men’s heavy footfalls, you knew you had to hurry, yet the frozen fear and absence of Lee starts to make you feel hopeless. 

Unaware of your stuttering pace, a hard figure collides with yours, sending you sprawling into the nearest brick wall. 

“Well, well, well...look at what we have here boys. It’s one of those mercenaries’ little whore,” the man teases, placing both of his hands on either side of your body. Trapping you.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you squeak with moderate courage. 

“Don’t lie to me girl!” the man screams, spit launching onto your face with force. You don’t dare wipe them away, you don’t dare to even look for an escape.

Repeating your latest statement, you whisper, “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah?” another man pipes up, walking nearer in anger, “So if I were to lift up your sleeves, there’d be no traces of an ‘Expendables’ tattoo? I know all you pricks have ‘em. Like some kind of fucking brotherhood,” the other man demands.

Unable to look either of them in the eyes, you look down, choosing not to answer or even acknowledge the question. You comply as the man grips your arm, ripping you away from the wall in fierce determination.

“Ah...there it is! The little birdie.” A third man jokes, catching sight of the unmistakable work of art.

The man from before, the leader you assumed, restates the other man’s question, “So, wanna try me again, dear?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit!” he screams, raising a hand, striking you across the cheek. Tears well up instantly, but they’re all in vain. “How’s about we mark ya up instead? Since ya have no clue who we’re talkin’ about, then there’s nothing t’ worry about, huh?”

They don’t give you the chance to answer. Instead, your mouth is covered by a hand, muffling your cries as the men move to beat on you, pushing you to the ground. Curling up in a ball, you attempt but fail to cover your head with your hands, a hard kick to the jaw sending your head flying back and spreading your form back out across the pavement. 

“I have somethin’ better,” another member adds after some time, “Even better than cuttin’ her.” 

No...

“Something more personal.”

No...please...

Without a word, the men share some amused glances, then get to work on the new task at hand. Greed, vengeance, and sinister glee resides in their eyes as they stared at you with newer purpose, a new desire blooming in your presence.

A hand, grimy and calloused, meets your hip bone, stroking the soft skin. Roughly, he yanks at your uniform’s skirt, tearing it as he moves to rid any other particles underneath.

NO!

You want to scream...cry...plead. Yet, you remain frozen; no movement or real person still living in the cold skin and bone that made you a person. 

As you underwear and skirt are torn from you, the men stand back and around your body, allowing the leader to resurface with a satisfied stare. His hands move to his belt as goes to work discarding it, his cold stare boring into your eyes. 

“OI!” echoes a voice from the end of the alleyway, “What the fuck do you think your doin’?!”

Finally, the man’s eyes leave yours, the gang moving to form a wall as to protect what was “theirs.”

You hear the voice faintly, the words swirling around your head in an incoherent heap. However, you still feel as cold and broken as the pavement below you, letting the cool rain pour as a storm breaks out, almost as loud as the war that leaves the gang to fend for themselves.

Warm hands encompass your shoulders, slightly shaking them as they lift your body upwards. Your head dangles weakly, eyes unfocused. You know those eyes, you know that voice.

Lee, splattered in unknown sources of blood, removes his jacket, covering as much skin as he could, whispering in your ear, “I’m here baby girl. I’m here. I’m so sorry.”

Soon, Barney runs over with a stern look of concern, the expression quickly softening as his sight catches your form. “That jacket ain’t gonna do much Christmas...Here,” Barney crouches down swiftly, warmly whispering to Lee as he removes his flannel.

Together, they wrap your body in the over-sized shirt, covering up your body properly. Smirking calmly, the world stops spinning and your consciousness resurfaces, the danger no longer apparent. 

“There she is,” Barney attempts to lighten the mood, “Got a little worried for a bit.” Lifting himself off the ground, he pats Lee’s shoulder, the pair sharing a nod as Barney moves to round up the group. Straddling their bikes, they speed off to finish the deed, attacking the true monster behind the gang that attacked you.

Then do you finally let the tears fall. Your body crumples in a ball, curling into Lee’s body instantly. Your shoulders shake with the force of your sobs. Luckily, nothing of unsolvable danger had taken place, allowing the mistakes to be righted. That, however, didn’t ease your tension as the events finally sink in.

Protectively, Lee cradles your head with one hand, moving the other to wrap your body closer to his on his lap. He whispers sweet nothings in your ear, eventually settling the hiccups and tears. 

He feels guilty. Worthless. Ashamed. You could see it even after he’d lifted you off the wet pavement and drove you home safely secured on his bike. You noticed it more clearly once you were home, him insisting to tend to the wounds yet never properly looking you in the eyes as he spoke.

“Lee,” you finally pipe up, stopping all movement of his hands, your body resting stiffly atop the kitchen counter, clad in just the flannel and your underwear. Grabbing his hands, you pull them to your lips, kissing them softly, “Lee...”

His eyes fall to your hands, then the ground, “I know what’cha gonna say, and ya wrong-”

You stop him instantly, “No. First off, I’m never wrong,” you smile, “And second off, there was nothing that could’ve prevented this Lee. It was no one’s fault. If you want to blame someone, blame me for Christ’s sake. I’m the one that left the bar even after you’ve warned me time and time again.”

“Yeah, but I already know that ya don’t listen.”

“It still doesn’t pin the blame on you Baby. Everything happens for a reason. Just please let it go,” you smile sweetly, caressing his jaw and gently pulling it back up to face you.

He places both of his arms on either side of your legs, sighing as he finally looks you in the eyes. He knew if he’d looked up, his resolve would fall and he’d give in to you; and that’s exactly what he did, meeting your eyes and triumphant, shit-eating grin. 

You beam at his grumpy face, pecking his lips lovingly. “Stop being such a baby.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he smiles, pecking your lips again, “I am gonna fuck ‘im up though.”

Imagine you and the team went out to the beach

You, Lee and Barney are together, the team hasn't figured it out or told yet, but Caesar, the one closest to you and the first one to call you Mama, is really close to figuring it out

Thus the marks they left on you the night before and that morning on as much display as you are comfortable showing

(the bathing suit you're comfortable in) and all he and Barney can do is watch you with lust and heat in their eyes

You have to fight against the urge to watch both of your men wet and half naked all day

All of the team are getting strange looks, as all of them have their Expendable tats on display

The team, including the new ones, are hanging around you, as they all call you mom

Your right leg is covered in a black ivy tat with silver and green accents, the Expendable tat appearing to be rested amongst the ivy on your upper thigh

It's a set of throwing knives crossed with a skull, the perfect mix of both of your men

You're just waiting for the day that your men tell the team or you get fed up waiting so you can tell Tool to put the tat that you and him already designed

The air is sharp and cold, chilling you to the bone. Sunlight slowly fades, bright colours giving way to darkness speckled with white stars.

A painting of serenity.

Puffs of condensation escape your lips as you trudge through the deep snow. You've figured out a way to successfully avoid most of the snow, carefully following in the footsteps of Gunnar.

It saves you effort to simply copy the bigger man's steps, so you've been doing it for the past hour or so.

The deep trenches that his feet leave behind providing you with firm ground to trudge upon.

You and Toll Road occupy the rear of the pack, with Gunnar and Caesar in the middle, and Lee and Barney at the front.

At least the constant movement is fighting away the frigidity.

This assignment is in Igarka, Russia. A smaller town that started as a lumber export but the sawmill has since closed, leading to a decrease in population.

And, of course, it's freezing here.

The air bites at your lungs as you take a deep breath, stumbling as your foot slips on the snow.

You lurch forward, face planting into Gunnar's back, hands gripping his sides to stay upright.

Eyebrow raised, he looks over his shoulder at you, a lopsided smirk forming.

"I'm that irresistible?"

You quickly step back, rosy cheeks heating up from a blush. Forcing a scowl you say, "No. I just slipped."

Before Gunnar can make another comment, Barney points to a nearby cluster of trees.

"We'll camp there for the night. You guys set up, Me and Lee'll scope the area."

You sigh, shrugging your heavy backpack off and leaning your rifle against a tree. Thankful for the relief, you get straight to work.

The tent itself is not all that big, but it will suffice. It's large enough for everyone to fit, albeit a bit uncomfortably.

"Here, Y/n, let me help," Gunnar offers, taking one end of the tent to assist you in raising it.

"Thanks," you offer him a small smile.

Soon enough, the shelter is prepared and Caesar is lighting a fire as the dark of night overcomes the woods.

You are quick to seat yourself by the fire, trying to warm your cold hands as Caesar begins to cook. The smell of it makes your mouth water.

"Don't suppose you have extra?" You question, eyeing the pot he's stirring.

He chuckles, "Nope. You should've brought your own."

"I didn't have any room in my pack..." You glance disdainfully at your own ready to eat meal.

Caesar shakes his head, not giving in to your pouting at all.

"When I get home, I'm gonna have a feast. I'm talking steak, potatoes, cake; anything I can get my hands on."

Beneath you, the snow is cold even through your snow-pants.

"I'll also have a hot bath," you mutter under your breath.

Unfortunately, Gunnar just happens to sit beside you, catching your quip.

"I know a way to warm up real fast," he smirks, shooting you a wink.

The others sit down too, catching your blush and rolling their eyes at his comment.

"I'm sure you do. But I'll have to decline," you manage to laugh it off even though his flirtatious comment sends butterflies flapping in your stomach.

Toll Road switches the conversation to something his therapist said once and you're thankful for the switch. Casual banter begins to fly back and forth between teammates as supper is devoured. You follow along, occasionally adding to the conversation and laughing when someone makes a joke.

Eventually, the food is gone and the night grows colder.

"I'll take first watch," Barney announces in his rough voice.

"Alright, I'll get the second," Lee chimes.

You roll your eyes, "You know, other people can keep watch too."

"Yeah, but not as good as us," Lee states with a smirk.

"Oh, bullshit, anyone here could keep watch just as good, if not better than you," you retort.

"Fine, then you take first watch."

"Fine, I will," you say even as instant regret floods you. You're tired enough to fall asleep right away and you just had to run your mouth.

Barney shakes his head, "Okay, lights out."

You watch somewhat enviously as the boys pile into the tent. Gunnar is the last to enter, grinning at you.

"The offer to warm up still stands."

His gruff voice is enough to send pleasant shivers down your spine. A returning smile forms on your cold lips as you shake your head. He shrugs and enters the tent, closing the flap.

Leaning against a tree, you grab your gun and keep your eyes peeled for any movement in the surrounding area. Hours pass with no action, your body shivering as the cold permeates you.

The only thoughts keeping you awake are images of Gunnar 'warming you up', which you try to shake away. Gunnar is a known flirt, and you're fairly certain that half the things he says are just to tease you. He couldn't really be attracted to you, right?

But what if he is?

You don't let yourself dwell on it.

After a while, Lee is crawling out of the tent to replace you. He says something but you're too tired and cold to completely understand him.

So, you wave him off and shake the snow from your boots as you enter the covered area. Your weary eyes scan the place, finding the only available area is right next to Gunnar.

Too exhausted to feel any embarrassment, you practically collapse next to the snoring Swede, wrapping yourself in your blanket.

He's so close to you that your arms are touching and you can feel how warm he is through your thin blanket.

Shifting your position, you move so that your back is facing him, determined to fall asleep.

Your plan is foiled as the snoring stops suddenly.

Before you know what's happening, a large arm is wrapping a toasty blanket over you and pulling you up to a hot chest.

Shocked, you twist your head only to have a large hand stop your movement.

"Shh- just go to sleep."

Gunnar's voice is laden with sleep, a sensual sound that makes your face heat up.

He's so close to you. You can feel his solid chest against your back, his heavy arm trapping you against him. You feel like a teddy bear as you're embraced by this giant of a man. And you can't deny that you love the feeling.

His chest moves steadily as you get comfortable and close your eyes.

~

A low whistle is what brings you to your senses, dawn breaking through the opening to the tent.

You're still in the Swede's strong arms, warm as could be.

"You and Gunnar, eh? Who'd a thought?"

Lee's teasing voice makes you glare in his direction.

"Shut up."

"Aww, don't be bashful."

You flip him the bird and turn to press your face against Gunnar's chest again.

He lifts you slightly so that you're laying on top of him, his hand resting atop your head.

"Sleep well?" He asks with a smile. Not his classic smirk, but a genuine smile.

You return the look, "Yeah, we'll have to do that more often."

"Come on sweetheart," Toll sprinted towards her, kneeling beside her limp body.

She was covered in dust and dirt, blood, sweat, and grime. Her hair was wet and matted on her face, crunchy strands hung lifeless soaked in dried blood. Her breathing was slowed and labored, he knew she'd put up one hell of a fight to look as she did. Filled with a mixture of pride and guilt staring down at her trying to shake her awake.

He'd take away all of her injuries and suffer them alone if she'd just wake up. Lifting her in his arms, feeling the explosions rocketing through the mines. Rocks and debris raining down around them as they ran. His team and the workers racing to get out before the whole thing came crumbling down, but they weren't so lucky.

Trapped like rats, their only way out closed off. It didn't seem fair to him, for Toll to come this far and for it all to end this way. No backup, no one knew where they were. There wasn't anyone coming to the rescue.

Y/n beaten and bloody, unconscious in his arms, the others sat on the ground near him trying to think of a way out. He could see the hope drain from all the kidnapped workers huddled around him. It wasn't fair, none of this bullshit was fair and he felt like it was just another way the Universe was telling him he was never meant to be with her.

Toll hugged her close, her body lay across his lap. His arms wrapped tight around her shoulders, her head tucked under his chin. He kept whispering in her ear, pleading for her to wake up. Rocking the two of them slowly back and forth. A stoic hunk of muscle and the woman of his dreams in a strange little moment of heartache.

"Y/n," he whispered choking back a strained groan of misery, trying not to be loud enough to be heard by others. "Please sweetheart, open your eyes."

Lee and Caesar looked on with the same expression, the same pained looked of sympathy. She was one of them, and yet at that moment she couldn't have been any more different than them with that damned heart of hers she'd always tried to hide. She'd chosen to become a target of Vilain's anger trying to save Billy from it. She pushed and poked the bear to keep Vilain and his men from attacking anyone else. That was just Y/n though, trying to take on the pain of the world so others didn't have to suffer.

Barney and Gunner could see her faint breath and the way it moved Toll's shirt. How it created little ripples in the fabric as it moved. Toll tried to keep her warm, draping his coat around her, but still, she shivered. All he could think of was the hundred or so times he had the chance to tell her and he didn't. All those perfectly imperfect moments to say 'I love you' never happened.

The demons inside his head had stopped making any noise the second he'd found her body amongst the workers. They hadn't spewed their self-hatred or doubt, they sat quite up in his head, not making the slightest peep. Toll kept waiting for them to fill him with all the ways they were right, that he was never good enough for her, but they never came.

"This isn't right," Toll muttered to himself.

"Going out this chickenshit way," Caesar replied with more than one meaning to his words aimed at Toll.

"Something like that," Toll answered wiping caked blood away from Y/n's face.

Toll wanted to be home with Y/n. Wanted to be curled up on that damned sofa of his with her head in his lap. He wanted to hear the stupid cheesy jokes between them and eat dinner out in the backyard under the stars. He wanted to hear her singing in the shower and see her dancing in the kitchen in the mornings. He wanted to feel her soft lips pressed up against his again, hear her moaning out his name instead of being trapped miles underground in a forgotten mine.

"Hey, it ain't over yet, kids." Gunner came striding up amongst the group flipping a metal pipe in his hand. "I got a plan. Everybody calm down."

Walking towards the nearest wall of the mine, a grin on his face. His bowie knife in hand pointing at the rocky wall triumphantly.

"Phosphate rock." Gunner was deep in his head at this point.

"What's he doing?" Lee questioned skeptically at Barney.

"Probably making a bomb," replied Barney without a second thought.

"You serious?" Lee's eyebrow raised high in doubt.

"Ask him." Barney was already turning his head watching Gunner.

"Whatcha doin' Gunner?"

"I'm making a bomb, you mind?" Gunner glared at Lee, his knife scratching little bits of rock off the wall into the metal pipe in his hand.

"A maniac with brains." Snipped Barney.

"Scary." Though Lee wasn't quite sure what was worse, Gunner thinking about making a bomb or the fact that he was thinking in general.

Slipping his knife back in his holster, walking back towards the group with a plan in action. Gunner felt like he was in his element.

"Phosphate rock, it's got a density of 1.852. Melting point, 44.2 centigrade." Walking around his comrades as he spoke. "Guys, I want some gunpowder, fast."

All of them looked at him like he was nuts and maybe Gunner was, too many years of drugs and alcohol clouding his brain and his judgment. it was hard to take him seriously until Barney spoke up with that air of authority.

"Do it. The man's a chemical engineer, right?"

"And a Fulbright Scholar." Snarked Gunner with a smirk. "Pour it in the pipe." Tossing the pipes at Caesar.

"The big man might be onto something," Barney stated pulling out shell casing from his vest.

"You think?" Again Lee was questioning the idiocy.

"Probably not," Barney shrugged, but what other option did they have right now?

"You need some help with that? Let's go!" Gunner growled at Toll. He was trying to balance his grip on Y/n and pulling out what he had in his pockets with gunpowder.

"I'll fucking knock you the fuck out Gunner," Toll fumed glaring up at him. Caesar as always running interference.

"Here. Go blow yourself up." Caesar snapped tossing the pipe back at Gunner with force.

"Lighter?" Looking at Barney as if he was the only one in the group that had some sort of incendiary device, but the lighter was already sailing through the air and into Gunner's palm.

"I want that back," Barney grumbled. He wasn't expecting much to happen at all, not when it came to a plan of Gunner's. If it had been a plan coming from Toll it would have been a different story, but he was too occupied to think straight.

"Better get back!" Gunner chuckled lighting strips of fabric at the end of the bomb. "This is gonna be loud!"

Workers and the rest of the team up on their feet scrambling away from the blocked exit. Toll carefully and gingerly taking cover with Y/n cradled to his chest. He kept looking down at her face, those beautiful eyes hidden behind closed lids. Toll kept pleading with her to wake up, but still, Y/n didn't move.

Gunner was ecstatic, he couldn't wait for the explosion. He wanted to the one to rescue the lot of them. In truth, he was out of alcohol and already starting to get the shakes. He needed to get out of there and get a drink. His own little demons crawling around inside him screaming out for booze.

They all sat back waiting, eyes closed and ears covered but nothing happened. The fuse on the bomb had fizzled out, the metal casing had fallen to its side. Nothing, absolutely nothing had happened. No explosion, no loud noise, no rocks breaking free opening their escape route. Jaded and disheartened, the whole lot of them had started to believe that's how it would end, stuck miles underground in a mine that no one knew existed.

Toll fell movement in his arms. Y/n was fidgeting, squirming, her cheek rubbing against his shirt as she mumbled. Glancing down in panicked glee he watched her palm slip up his chest and around his neck.

"Sweetheart?"

"Five more minutes," Y/n grumbled snuggling herself into his neck. Toll was grinning over the moon. "Shh, sleepy time."

"Nah, you can sleep later." Toll chuckled pulling her away from her cozy spot.

Y/n groaned, blinking adjusting to the darkness. Every bit of her hurt, the telltale ache of a fight screaming throughout her body. Sitting up dazed, peering at Toll and his toothy grin.

"Now I know I'm dead if the rest of you assholes are in my dream." Y/n griped annoyed turning to her defense mechanism of jokes.

Toll was damn near speechless staring back at her. She shifted in his lap but stayed where she was. Caesar offering her a drink from his canteen while Toll slipped a hand into his pocket pulling out a tiny tin. For the longest time Y/n and Toll sat in silence lost in a staring contest, neither willing to blink.

A myriad of emotions sweeping between the both of them. Both sat tense as could be, almost like stone until she caught the movement of his hand out of the corner of her good eye. Smelled the hint of lavender as he flipped off the lid of the little tin container in his hand. Y/n closed her eye letting the tiny smile curl over her mouth feeling the tip of a calloused finger sweeping over each cut and gash.

There's so much she wanted to say, all those words right there on the tip of her tongue, and yet none of them want to form or make a sound. That familiar tension wafting between them hanging over them like a cloud. A thunderstorm of emotion ready to rain down them when the right words were spoken but were never uttered out loud.

Toll put the tin away, satisfied he'd done all could at the moment. She'd need stitches and a nice hot shower to clean out all the gunk, but for now, it'd have to do. Her breath hitched in her throat feeling his hands trail up her sides and around her back. Nestled on her shoulder blades tugging her in, hugging her, holding her close but he just couldn't say it. He just couldn't say what needed to be said.

Y/n closed her eyes leaning her temple into his, breathing in the woodsy musky scent that was Toll. Feeling the tension ebbing and waning between them. His chest pushing into hers with each wary breath. Feeling his fingers gently grasping a tighter hold on her. His shaky exhale and how the moist hot breath tickled her neck.

Why was it so complicated? Why couldn't either of them just come right out and say it? How could three little words be so damned impossible to speak? 'I love you' seemed to be the most loaded and dangerous phrase in all of existence and despite it all, they were both dying inside not having spoken it aloud.

Walls shaking, debris falling from the ceiling. A thunderous noise echoing out in the chamber as bits of rock fell and slipped away from their only way out. Bodies scrambling to get as far away from the noise as they could. Murmurs of desperation and fear filling the air. Creaking and clanging of metal machinery bursting through the rock face. Y/n could smell the cigar smoke and laughed before the others responded.

"I'm back," Trench's smug voice filling their ears.

Workers and victims of Vilain rushing through the opening and out of the mine. Throngs of tired and weary bodies making their way down the ramshackle road as they reunited with their loved ones. Toll walked beside Y/n helping her amble out of the mine and into the daylight. The conversation between Trench and Barney partially ignored by all until a black SUV pulled up beside them and out came Church.

Scanning the crowd of people not content until his sights were locked on Y/n. He watched her approach as he, Trench, and Barney talked of their plan of attack on Vilain. All he could think of was saving his own ass from the fury that would rain down on him the second he stepped foot on American soil. Church would be lucky if he kept his position in the Agency at all after all of this.

"You're sitting this one out," Church tried reasoning with Y/n even if it was for his selfish reasons. "He knows, he sent me to help."

"What the hell do you mean HE sent you? He doesn't know about all of this does he?" Y/n's voice raised, carried high enough for all to hear. Toll tensing beside her.

"Yeah, yeah he does." For the first time, Church appeared... scared.

"Oh my god!!" Pacing back and forth rubbing her face groaning in panic. "Great! Just fucking great!"

"What's wrong?" Barney's mind coming back to the story Billy had told at the bar not too long ago.

"Nothing! Let's go get Vilain." Y/n stared down Church until he was silent. Motioning the rest of the team to follow as a chopper touched down.

Various sets of eyes glanced between Y/n and Church. Studying the way she readied for the fight ahead. Cracking her neck from side to side slipping the tack vest over her chest. Slamming a magazine in her rifle, stuffing extras in her pockets. Knives, pistols, and spare ammo in any spot she could find. She was a completely different woman than they'd witnessed moments before.

"What about your eye?" Church raised a brow unsure she should be fighting at all. The black eye given by Vilain's men during hers and Billy's capture was swollen closed.

"You know nothing about me. Stupid on your part." Y/n grinned angrily. "Disadvantages," pointing at her swollen eye, "only piss me off and that's when I'm at my best, but so help me, if HE's physically here I'm shooting you first Church."

Caeser opened his mouth to ask who she was talking about but the twitch in her eye said otherwise. Y/n wasn't in the mood for bullshit anymore, all she wanted now was revenge. Staring down at a tiny monitor tracking Vilain's movements and the airport only a few miles away.

~~~~~~

Running through the terminal taking out soldier after soldier. She could hear the shouts and yells of her teammates. Always catching a glimpse of Toll not too far away embroiled in his own fight. He'd made her promise not to stray too far from him, but that wasn't usually possible in a fight. He knew she could handle herself that wasn't the issue, it was her stubbornness and refusal to let anyone know just how much pain she was in.

Clenching her teeth and hissing back a yelp. Vilain's men had done a number on her days before and Hector had only made it worse. She was sure there was a cracked rib or two, bruising down to her bones, but now wasn't the time. Vilain and his men had to pay and the plutonium couldn't leave that airport. Y/n took cover behind a ticket booth, swapping out for her last full magazine, damn near empty on ammo.

The fight had been dragging on for more than twenty minutes. Bodies and empty bullet casing littered the terminal floor. Barney had run after Vilain and Lee after Hector. It wouldn't be long before she'd have to go hand-to-hand combat if she couldn't get her mitts on a fresh weapon and soon. Glancing up in time, Y/n saw the legendary Lone Wolf himself giving her cover fire.

"Let me guess," she yelled up at him through the hail of gunfire. "HE sent you too Booker?"

"Just repaying a debt Lil one," Booker winked before running off making her grumble. She was starting to feel like a little kid all over again. A cavalry being sent in just for her because HE was worried.

~~~~~~~~

The fight or more so the small-scale battle was over. What was left of Vilain's soldiers taken alive were cuffed and transported awaiting punishment for their crimes. Toll was right beside Y/n practically carrying her out of the terminal. She was running on sheer adrenaline fumes now. Pain flooded her body and mind. Wincing with each step towards Church's poor excuse of a plane to get them home.

She dozed off curled into Toll before the plane was even fully in the air. Y/n was still in a deep slumber when Barney made the descent onto a tiny airstrip in France. He'd made his mind up after Billy died that he'd deliver his share from the job and his letter to his girl. It was the least he could do, but Y/n had other plans.

Waking up hearing Barney telling the guys to give him an hour and he'd be back, but Y/n sat up wiping the sleep from her eye. Barney stared at her curiously for a moment before it dawned on him what she was doing. Standing shakily, letting out a heavy sigh she motioned for the box in Barney's hands.

"It's better this way." Y/n swallowed back the anger she'd held onto over Billy's death.

"Why's it gotta be you?" Lee was perplexed staring her down.

Catching movement outside the plane window, Y/n saw the sedan pull alongside the plane. Darkened windows and government plates, she knew the M.O. of the person inside. Toll didn't understand, after everything they'd gone through she ... she was leaving? Slipping his hand through hers, squeezing tightly. Peering confused and hurt, just as worried as the rest of them.

"We can wait," Barney nodded toward the cockpit. "All get home together."

"There's something else I need to take care of and it appears to be waiting." She shook her head sighing, box clutched under her arm.

"You're leaving?!" Gunner grumbled hurt.

"Not permanently, no." His concern as misguided as it was sometimes was endearing. "There's just ... "

"I'll come with you." Toll was up on his feet standing behind her. His pack slung over his shoulder ready to go. He didn't go through hell and back to let her walk alone now.

Barney and Lee finally noticed the waiting car, exchanging glances not liking the unknown one bit. Y/n turned, putting the box on a seat. Why couldn't she do it? Why couldn't she just fucking tell him that she loved him? Why couldn't she say those three stupid little words? Those damned loaded words were stuck in her throat just hanging there. The words were formed and given life but the strength to push them out into forming sounds and giving them meaning wouldn't come.

Staring into those stoic blue/grey eyes, those midnight storms and falling star-filled eyes. To wake up to those beautifully raging oceans each morning was more than she could ever want, but damned if she could tell him.

"Do you trust me?"

Cupping his face in her palms as she smiled, seeing the doubt and worry in them broke her heart. It couldn't possibly mean what she hoped. Toll huffed a small laugh and nodded his head. He trusted her more than she'd ever realized. Toll wanted to be selfish, wanted to hold her, refusing to let her leave, but what would that solve?

His words were failing him again. Unable to say what should have been said long ago. Nodding his head reluctantly. Flooded with guilt that'd he thought the worst of her and Billy, but it all came out after they buried him. Finding out that he had a girl he wanted to marry. The demons were snarling inside his head and he was doing everything he could to stay strong because he was too overwhelmed looking at her bruised face. The demons were telling him he wasn't good enough and it was for the best.

Wordlessly, Toll warily yanked her into him, engulfing her in a hug he never wanted to end. Smiled feeling her arms snaking around his neck. That same tremble in her body shaking against him as they held each other tight. Y/n leaned up placing a lingering kiss on his cauliflower ear and whispered.

"I promise you, cross my heart that I WILL come home."

The men watched wordlessly as she stepped out onto the tarmac. The awaiting driver pulling open the backdoor for her. She risked another glance at Toll and she almost wished she hadn't because the heartbreak in his eyes filled her stomach with a sinking feeling. Maybe it was all in her head, maybe Caesar was wrong. Maybe she was nothing more than a friend because if she was more than, why wouldn't he have said anything after all this time?

~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n sat at a little cafe watching and waiting for Billy's girl to show. She'd been hard to track down just the way Billy intended. He never wanted this kind of life to come back to haunt her, but life was funny like that. Y/n watched for days to get her schedule just right. No matter the speech she played in her head, she just couldn't face her. To be the bearer of bad news, not after getting the two of them together in the first place.

Sipping her coffee, seeing the front door to the apartment open. A crisp nurse's uniform washed and pressed on her tiny frame. Her sneakers were the first to find the surprise on the doorstep, to bump into the box. Glancing around the courtyard, looking up and down the street before she bent over and picked it up.

Y/n watched gutted and troubled seeing her slump onto the front step with her hand over her heart. She had to have known the way her eyes crinkled and mouth trembled. Slender delicate hands slipping open the box seeing the piles of cash, but it was the letter she went for first. Familiar loopy handwriting that called out to her.

Y/n could feel the burning stare of eyes on her. She'd known it was coming, she'd been in the city for days and he still had yet to make himself known. Though he had a hotel room for her and sent a doctor to treat her wounds, he'd yet to make himself known. It was a matter of when and yet he always seemed to come at the right time. A tall solidly built grey-haired man in an expensive suit slipped into the little bistro seat across from her.

"Don't beat yourself up kid," he said calmly as she glared back at him through sunglass hidden eyes.

"I'm not," Y/n huffed sipping from her coffee cup.

"I think I know you well enough to see that look in your eyes." he half-smiled warmly as Y/n rolls her eyes. "It wasn't your fault you know."

"Doubt it, so can we talk about something else." Her eye-line trailed back to Billy's girl as she silently wept on those steps.

They sat in silence watching the woman across the street as she unsteadily got up and walked back into her apartment. Her shift at the local hospital all but forgotten, Y/n knew she'd call in sick, give herself a few days to grieve. The older man and Y/n finally making eye contact again. Y/n rolled her eyes closed inhaling deeply and let out an exhausted sigh as she sat back in her chair slipping the sunglasses up onto her head.

"I like him," the suited man spoke with a soft side smile.

"Who?" Y/n questioned curiously, but a small part of her had her suspicions because it didn't seem like there wasn't anything he didn't already know.

"The man you live with. Exemplary record, several tours of duty, decent marksmen. He seems like a good man."

"He IS a good man. He's probably the most selfless, stubborn, set in his ways man, but he is better than he'll ever give himself credit for. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a best friend. He pushes me to be better than I am, he makes me better and I... I."

"You love him." The grey-haired man stated as a matter of fact with a growing smile as he glanced at Y/n as she turned her attention towards the faded paint on the tabletop.

"Who says I love him?" She grumbled feeling the heated blush throbbing on the tips of her ears.

"A father knows when his daughter's in love." He stood up and straightened his suit jacket, ruffled the top of her head with a chuckle. "Call your mother, you know how she worries."

"Step-father and I'm sure you've told her everything I'm up to," Y/n grumbled.