#hal asoue

georgina orwell isn’t always hypnotizing people that come into her office; she has to find other sources of income after all. when she does her actual job of an optometrist, georgina is quite good. she even has the highest rating of all the optometrists in the land of districts.

larry isn’t too happy that almost everyone refers to him as larry, your waiter. ‘your waiter’ isn’t his surname. larry knows they know his surname, but they just never say it. larry wants to quit being a waiter as result, but can’t due to being the best volunteer for the role.

r’s first name isn’t ramona, like in ramona quimby. ramona is a nickname beatrice is a part of. the ramona quimby series has ramona having an older sister beatrice, nickname beezus. as such, r got the nickname of ‘ramona’, with beatrice getting the nickname of ‘beezus’.

phil is alive by the end. phil was dismiss of service from the queequeg and vfd by widdershins, who wanted phil to get out while having that chance. phil ends up becoming a library assistant, befriending the main librarian, an old man name hal.

sally is the oldest of the sebald siblings. sally isn’t sure how the reverse came to be, but sally hates getting mistaken for the younger sibling. she once hated it so badly, she kept a copy of both of their birth certificates whenever someone incorrectly assumes.

I haven’t done this in a while, but I haven’t forgotten about it! All my AUs have to go through the speculation post stage, and so I will continue.

For those who don’t know, the three Sunnies names are Sunny (book) Suzy (film) and Sally (Netflix)

The hostile hospital

Sunny and Suzy have learned to walk, but were still waddling a lot

They reach last chance where the worker feels so bad for them he gives them a large bowl of oatmeal to eat

The girls hate oatmeal thanks to Count Olaf but they still eat like good little girls

But then he looks them in the eyes like ”wait aren’t you those Baudelaire murderers?”

So the triplets have to escape, which is hard because they are... babies

The volunteer fighting disease is just outside and is like ”wow! Abandoned children! That could cheer up the patients even more!”

Anyway they go to hemlich hospital and find Hal

He treats them a little like dogs - as he just lets them follow him because they can do what they want

He explains a little what he does in the archive library and the girls just listen eagerly

Hal: ”So this is a file named Snicket and that one needs to be in a ~special~ place- oh no, don’t take it, it’s not for you.”

Since the Baudelaires can’t read, they have to sneak after Hal to see where he put it

Then the library closes and Hal is like ”Well ok I hope you girls can take care now bye”

The girls try to open the locker where the Snicket file is with their teeth, but just as they open it Esme arrives

And she kidnaps Sally while Suzy and Sunny escape down the vent

Sunny and Suzy now have to somehow dress up as doctors

They stand on each others shoulders and put a doctors coat on, and in their childish heads they think they can fool everyone

What actually happens is that most people just pretend to believe them because they are cute babies in a doctors suit aww

Well, all except for the people in the operation room. They fully believe the disguise

Olaf has of course figured them out and wants them to operate on Sally

But Sunny and Suzy are smart and turns off the machine that keeps Sally sleeping

So she wakes up and Olaf is like ”It’s no doctors! It’s the Baudelaire murderers!”

Five minutes later, he informs there’s a fire in the library record room

So the girls have to flee the building FAST

One good thing when you’re so small is that people have a harder time seeing you

So the Baudelaire triplets manage to escape into a room, lock the door and come up with a plan to get out before anyone sees

They decide to jump out from the window and hold onto the walls with their teeth

Sally is still tired from the operation, but she manages to jump out anyway

But all three of them are tired and so, without thinking, they sneak into the car booth of a car

Not knowing that it’s in fact Olaf’s car

The Hostile Hospital

The Quagmires find themselves at Last Hope

They are all very thirsty from running like crazy from the angry mob at the town of VFD

And the worker there lets them have some free water and also sandwhiches

Then he let’s them send a telegram

The triplets instantly know how to handle it because they have used telegrams before

Then the worker reconizes them from the daily punctulio and starts to chase them out of the store

And they end up meeting the Volunteers fighting disease

Duncan and Isadora actually start to learn the song very fast, while Quigley is like ”the heck are you doing”

”Sing along, Quigley! Isn’t the song marvelous?”

The triplets arrive at Heimlich Hospital and quickly finds the Library of records and Hal

Hal is really nice but strict (because the library is the most important thing he has)

Anyway not much happens until they close the library of records for the day

Instead of them stealing Hal’s keys, the triplets insists on staying in the library of records to ”learn the system”

He agrees to it because they are his friends and they would surely do no wrong <3

They peek around and find the Snicket file, and start to look at the movie

When they see Jacques on the screen, Quigley starts to sniff like crazy because he is the one who misses Jacques the most

Isadora almost wants to tease him and say ”we only knew him for a day why are you crying? Are you in love with him?” But she decides it is a very terrible idea

Anyway out of nowhere Esme comes like a jumpscare and blocks the screen

Before the triplets realise it’s her, they start to complain that they just got to know someone survived the fire and they want to know who

Esme is like ”Oh please if someone survived they would’ve come long ago, so please hand over the sugar bowl!!!”

They run around in a very chaotic chase scene

Esme manages to chase Isadora into an emergency exit, where Olaf is outside grabbing her

Olaf just screams ”OK WE GOT ONE LEAVE THE OTHERS FOR NOW LET’S GO”

Quigley and Duncan try to chase after, but Esme pushes shelves of files that almost crushes them

So they basicly have to crawl out

Also Quigley very much wants to fix the order of the library, but Duncan convinces him there is no time

Meanwhile, Isadora tries to kick and slap everything and everyone to escape

So Olaf’s troupe holds her down and puts tape around her mouth

They tie her to a bed and tells her they are going to make a surgery on her

Which her immidiate response is ”No, I will not let you undress me!”

Also Babs is here but she does not do very much

She tries to help Isadora escape while Olaf is outside, but he and his troupe spots her and knocks her unconscious

They Olaf and Esme anaesthetizes Isadora

Meanwhile, Duncan and Quigley dresses up as doctors

They call themselves the Faustus doctors: two of four quadruplets

Duncan almost enjoys coming up with random things and starts to understand why Olaf is into theatre

While in disguise they find the volunteers fighting disease again and introduces themselves

”We are the Faustus Doctors! We are only two out of four quadruplets. Although, our two sisters... the Faustus sisters... are not doctors!”

The VFD is like ”ok” and continues singing away

Then they encounter Olaf and without hesitation they just snatch the list of patients without him really noticing

Although his troupe sees everything through the cameras and tells Olaf that ”those weirdly young twin doctors snacthed your clipboard”

Duncan almost wants to run back to tell them ”actually we are quadruplets” but he decides not to

The brothers work together to figure out the anagram

Isadora’s anagram is ”Audra Miqasogrie” (I tried not to get any letter left behind but I think I have)

They have a little brother bonding while figuring it out together <3

Anyway Esme finds them and tells them that they are the ones to do the operation

Quigley is very confused, ”How do you know?”

”Mattathias Medical School told me”

Duncan and Quigley realises that Olaf may be knowing their true identites

Anyway when they see their sister unconscious, they both get very anxious and barely know what to do

Olaf comes around and whispers ”isn’t she more pretty when she’s sleeping? No kicking and complaining like when she is awake”

Duncan and Quigley get very mad when they hear that and ”accidentally” turns Isadora’s narcosis off

Olaf continues, ”If this wasn’t an operation I am sure a lot of boys would want to kiss that pretty little sleeping face of hers”

Quigley almost smirks and says ”Too bad. Isadora doesn’t like boys.”

Right when he says this, Isadora wakes up

Everyone in the audience complains because the Faustus doctors are fake

Meanwhile, Esme has started a fire in the library

Which means everyone has to evacuate the building

Hal tries to stop the triplets and starts to rant about how he trusted them and how they destroyed his library

The triplets just ignore him and run off (poor Hal)

Duncan and Quigley just scream where to go while pushing a newly awoken Isadora on her operation bed

She is like ”Where am I? Why are you screaming? I’m hungry.”

They lock themselves inside a room while the henchperson of inteterminate gender stands outside

Duncan and Quigley walk around in panic while Isadora talks like she has a fever

”Hey, Olaf didn’t undress me to put me in patient clothes, right?”

Duncan and Quigley just look at her and then in each other in a very uncomfortable way

Isadora realises she is wearing nothing but operation clothing and her normal clothes are gone, so she starts to feel very uncomfortable herself

Unfortunately the triplets have no time finding any other clothes for her since they have to escape the building

They don’t even use a rope or anything, they just straight up jump out the window (Duncan and Quigley had to hold Isadora since she was not really in a condition to stand)

The plan was to hold onto each window they come across to ease the fall, which kind of works but not really??

Anyways, they made it safely to the ground because they were only on like floor 2 or 3 in this

Henchperson of Indeterminate gender lives because I love them

The Quagmires sneak into Olaf’s car, where they all actually fall asleep

“If the 2004 movie had gotten sequel(s), who would have been cast?”

Inspired by an ASOUE subreddit thread that asked the same question (which I deleted from bookmarks a year or so ago so I can’t sadly share it update edit I found the link it was still in my history here) I did my own fancasting for some characters. Netflix ASOUE is used as a comparison to see a what could have been in the 2000′s. Round three, and it’s Hal, Widdershins, and Hector.

James Earl Jones as Hal was something that immediately came to mind. I don’t know why, and I don’t think the movie would have been able to get James Earl Jones for more than one film. Just only THH, being in a similar scenario like Netflix!Hal: confirm to be alive and disappearing. I think this Hal would be more grumpy, like his character Mr. Mertle in The Sandlot (1993) and The Sandlot 2 (2005), which are the photo references use.

Widdershins and Hector I feel could go in so many directions.

The lower left hand squares are fancasting for Netflix ASOUE pre-S3, at least Faran Tahir (tweet source). I think he could have made an interesting Widdershins, granted I think Netflix would change his character (being calmer, for one). Danny Trejo isn’t what one would think of Hector in general, movie or Netflix show (I know he was namedrop somewhere before Netflix release, or at least pre-S2). The idea of Danny Trejo as a meek, skittish guy is amusing though. The guy that looks like he can kill you, but won’t is funny to me.