#hakyuu

you recent 'off again' phase – you can't really call it a breakup if you just end up back in the man's arms again, lasted a few weeks. you were going on your third week, leaving the sad and depressed phase of losing someone you love and entering the rebuilding stage; you know, the part where you realize you don't need him to continue to grow.

but, as fate would have it (or bad luck as your friends would put it), there he was again, calling you multiple times, begging to take him back; that he knew better now; that he was different.

“he says he’s changed,” you murmur, twisting your arms behind your back, feeling uncomfortable for the interrogation. why was he so interested? and why at this hour?

bokuto, normally so upbeat and happy, scoffs with a sneer, gently brushing past you into your apartment. he spins on his heel to face you. “really? you really believe that? how many times have you been in this loop, y/n?”

you stammer, “i…i don’t know. why are you demanding to know all this?”

bokuto disregards your question.

“does he really love you?”

his question makes your heart fall down to your stomach.

your boyfriend, as comforting of a constant person in your life could be, isn’t exactly an ideal situation if you look at your relationship in a third person point of view. regardless, there’s a deep history between the two of you and it’s a history you can’t - you won’t - shake off.

not when he was your first kiss. not when he was your first time. not when he was your first love. this man was present during all the important periods of your life but emotionally, there for none.

still, without him, you’d feel empty.

it’s toxic, you’re well aware. but you’d rather be comfortable in the presence of another than lonely and empty.

“he does-“

“like you know that i can?” he cuts you off, face flushing slightly and you can’t tell if it’s from frustration or something else.

“huh?”

“does he love you like i can?” bokuto repeats the whole question, breathing heavily afterward. there’s a few beats of silence following that, with just the two of you staring at one another. “like i do.”

you don’t say a word, too shocked at your friend’s words.

“y’know, i’ve been watching you run back to him every single time,” bokuto chuckles humorlessly. “and the funny part? every time i got the nerve to finally tell you how i felt about you, that was the moment you ran back to him. my timing was always off.” he shoves his hands in his pockets.

your lips stay parted as you register his words.

“so,” he drawls, rocking on the balls of his feet. “‘figured might as well tell you while you’re with him. better than not saying anything at all.”

“bokuto,” you breathe.

“i'm not sure if my feelings were apparent,” he shrugs. “'tsumu said so but it was never confirmed since you never said anything.”

they weren’t.

but in a way, they were.

you’d be lying if you said you didn’t notice the way bokuto’s gazes were softer than anyone else’s you knew. the hugs he gave you lasted much longer and felt much tighter than others you’ve had. and lastly, the comfort he gave was greater than any feeling your boyfriend had given you.

but comfort was temporary you thought. given your entire relationship with your boyfriend, comfort comes in waves. sometimes it’s strong being with the person you love, and other times, the love fizzles and at times, it just seems nonexistent. but the comfort comes back…eventually.

doesn’t it?

“and i’m telling you now,” bokuto smiles, though it’s sad, as if he’s in pain. granted, he is. he’s spent months, maybe years, pining for you, only to watch you get back with your ex when all he wanted was for you to be in his arms. “ i don’t care if this man has been with you since you were fourteen. i loved you first.”

you don’t realize you’re crying until bokuto takes two long strides toward you, bringing your face in his big hands. “shit, didn’t mean to make y’cry.”

you weren’t crying because you were sad. you weren’t even crying because you were overwhelmed, which you definitely were. you were crying because for once, for fucking once, there’s warmth in your heart because of another person’s love.

you didn’t know you yearned to hear those words with actual meaning so much.

“you do?” you sniffle as bokuto wipes the moisture from your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

leaning down to press his forehead against yours, bokuto sighs. “always have.”