#guinai

"...Will you be my boyfriend, P'Nai?"

Guide's question lingers in the clammy air of Tanai's car as Tanai stares at him, then looks to the side, then back at Guide, and to the side again. The answer should come to him more easily than this, Tanai thinks, his face growing warmer by the second. But it doesn't. His feelings have been muddled for a while now, while his affection for Runway hasn't decreased necessarily, he'd found himself daydreaming about Guide more than he wishes to let on. Tanai feels bad about it, when he's next to Runway, the boy he has felt so protective of for so long. Caring for someone else feels forbidden.

Sure, at first he blamed it on the kiss they shared that day on the beach - the jolt of electricity that ran through his chest that time still tingling on within him. Tanai thought it would pass, that he just felt odd because it was his first kiss with another man, that he had kissed back out of curiosity, just to give it a try.

By the second kiss Tanai wasn't quite so sure anymore. He'd initiated that one, intended more as a consolation than anything else, but that jolt of electricity was stronger this time, going all the way to his stomach and prickling in his belly. His heart rate must've at least doubled in speed that time, hammering away in his chest as he pressed his lips onto Guide's.

Kissing Runway hadn't felt quite like that. Tanai thought it would, genuinely expected it to. But the one-sidedness of it left him empty, Runway's rejection stinging in his chest. He regrets kissing him like that, without asking first. But he can't make himself bring it up again.

So, Tanai has to accept what he'd already known subconsciously - that he does like Guide, that being liked back feels good, that Runway is never going to love him, not like he does Runway, not like Guide does him.

He looks back at Guide again - the tense look in Guide's eyes filling Tanai with a sort of admiration for him, who had asked him out, in spite of everything - or perhaps because of it.

Guide wants to leave, internally, his legs shaking just a little bit as he sits in Tanai's too expensive car and waits for the inevitable rejection. At least he will have tried, you know, and he's proud of that. Proud of being sure of his feelings, proud of daring to ask Tanai out after all. At first he had decided to give up on Tanai - just to be overwhelmed with a gnawing feeling of jealousy when Runway mentioned Tanai's desire to finally hear Runway's answer. Guide knows that Runway would reject Tanai, but he couldn't help but feel like he had to act anyway, he didn't want them to have that conversation.

He doesn't want to see Tanai sad, he had realized, entirely selfishly.

Guide looks up again and sees Tanai smile his wonderfully soft smile, and Guide's heart skips a beat, just like that. And he can't help but smile too - he doesn't even know why Tanai is making this expression in the first place - having chosen to reject the notion of a positive outcome from the start, and… His train of thought abruptly halts when Tanai places his hand on his cheek, softly tracing his high cheekbones with his thumb. The corners of Guide's mouth droop downwards, helplessly, his eyes shining like those of a sad puppy. His heart is hammering against his ribs. And then Tanai moves closer, holding eye contact, looking for a possible sign of rejection. Guide gives none, of course, instead closing his eyes and leaving his mouth slightly ajar in nervous anticipation. He tries desperately to ignore the sweat he could feel rolling down his forehead. Then their lips meet, and it’s familiar, yet exciting and new, and Guide almost forgets to breathe for a bit as he kisses Tanai back, desperately, feverishly. He puts a hand onto Tanai’s back, attempting to pull him closer. The fact that they are in a car really isn’t helping. It feels cramped, and Tanai is too far away. Guide wants to press his body against Tanai’s, wants to plant kisses on his neck and chest, wants to… He breaks the kiss and takes a deep breath. He can feel tears in his eyes and he laughs somewhat awkwardly as he wipes them away.