#guiltyidealist

[Image ID: Two American Staffordshire Terriers pose beside each other in the grass. Text on the top and bottom of the image has been edited to read, “Ever notice dogs and smile?”]

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Ever notice dogs and smile?

- The app "Pokemon Smile" for brushing teeth

- Just brushing teeth with brush and no paste (because the toothpaste is ultimately supplementary)

- Wipes to use on hands/feet/junk every day and sometimes on whole body

- Dry shampoo

- Operantly conditioning (reward/punishment training) yourself to be inclined to engage in hygiene more

(What I struggle with the most is teethbrushing, even using the methods I mentioned above)

Routine is a great thing once you finally get it established. You start doing things automatically without thinking. Though, when my cognitive functioning is getting really low, I notice that I’ll start mixing things up, like putting my socks just before I go into a shower, or looking for my toothbrush in places it couldn’t possibly be, etc.

But otherwise, routine really helps.

Sometimes identifying why you’re avoiding or having trouble with doing something helps.

For example, lots of people (especially those with sensory issues) hate the burn and taste toothpaste generally has. But, I found some watermelon kind (Colgate), and there’s spearmint out there which is sweeter than the usual peppermint and bitter-cold “refreshing” flavours companies use (unfortunately my spearmint toothpaste is prescription and I can’t think of other brands off the top of my head).

Another example, I didn’t like showering when I lived at my parents’ house, but when I moved out I suddenly showered a lot, just for the hell of it. It felt much more like it was private and relaxing without my parents around.

Reminder alarms can help. So can leaving notes for yourself, such as a note across from your shower that you’ll see when you step out, which says to brush your teeth.

Items such as shower wipes (I know of the DudeWipes brand) can help with cleaning yourself if you’re not up to showers.

Mouthwash can help when you, but most I’ve encountered burn like the blazes (though, my mouth is very sensitive). There are also textured teeth wipes that can help. Some brands of chewing gum help with teeth.

Whitening stripes can be used but you should be careful as they can strip enamel, which makes things worse of course.

Having other people help you remember or to help you with stuff not directly tied to your body (like the dishes and the floor) can also work.

Of course, work on your dysfunction. It’s often made worse by stress, trauma, being triggered, etc. Basically if your body feels you’re under attack, it worsens your executive dysfunction. It’s a real brain drain and probably one of the things that does the most damage to cognitive abilities in general. This plays into the root of why you’re struggling, but just taking care of yourself can be helpful - like with exercise, doing things you really enjoy, stim toys, etc.

I don’t really know anything else. Do others have better advice?

I’m not sure I know how to (or even can) answer this question, but that’s okay. Loveless aromanticism is a pretty recent discussion topic, and like everyone else, I’m still trying to figure out what it means for me, what it means for other people, what support and resources we need, what shared experiences we have, what the range of experiences might look like. 

To me, saying that I’m loveless, that I don’t feel love, is something that I ultimately do for myself; sometimes it’s hard to say, because of all the dehumanization and vilification of lovelessness, but when I come back to it, it’s because it’s easier for me, it’s better for me, than the alternative. To me, lovelessness is about pointing out the hypocrisy and hidden amatonormativity in the aro community, so I think all aros, regardless of their relationship to love, should support loveless aros and reject the idea that everyone does or should love something. To me, lovelessness is about reclaiming agency, feeling comfortable embracing something society looks down on. To me, being loveless is more akin to being voidpunk than it is to an orientation, and I’m not sure it would be a good idea (or even possible) to have hard and fast rules, to police the boundaries of what does or doesn’t count as lovelessness, especially when it’s so murky for myself. 

I'm gonna interpret this as Im stealing everyone's kittens (of all species) and yes. Yes I am.