Aug 11, 2020
all this goes to say:
hate my hate right, or don’t hate him at all.
if you face me under the guise of my hate and misinterpret us both, that will be your end.
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all this goes to say:
hate my hate right, or don’t hate him at all.
if you face me under the guise of my hate and misinterpret us both, that will be your end.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
my hate for you is a powerful thing. my hate for you is a light. my hate for you feels like a match in the dark and we’re both walking together in an empty alley. but we are together. my hate for you walks beside you, it holds your arm in mine, and it feels no guilt and no shame. no doubt, no concern.
my hate for you is safe. and it allows me to face darker things and acknowledge that they are in fact not. evil, my hate. what a wonderful thing to be. when push comes to shove: would i be evil? no. i can’t be what you are and i am not. evil is not a synonym for the things i could be. you are not a symbol of abusive actions you would not commit, under the impression of “evil”- as seen by righteous Liars. good men can be that same impression, and yet never once step out of their line. they would fit that bill.
trust me. i’d take a disloyal coward with a god complex who is truly, genuinely, evil, over an unfinished self deprecating man of misunderstood action who takes on the sign of good and ties it to a shield of frozen tears they break off and use for kicks.
i found him
like a boy in a crowd, and that was it. a tree in a forest, a fish in the sea. an acquaintance in the hallways: we touched shoulders, it was gentle and impersonal in the way gentleness is. it was soft and cold and dispassionate. we didn’t know, we didn’t need to, and we never thought we would. how did he hole up in between my hands, a paradox moving through space revolving around me. i’ve never been one to believe in fate: not now, not ever. but i will say for certain that i have never felt love. fleeting attractions based mainly in present answers and avoided questions- never intended to last. not even for him, as i began to revolve in turn. turning in unison around each other, hands on each other’s necks begging the same question expressed as an order. love me. and i do, differently and yet no differently than anyone else i have never loved. passionately impersonal- it’s him, it’s him, but it’s me. i am the feeling of pride, that is the love i impersonate. i as the one who found him, i as the one who finds him, i as the one who keeps him. he’ll beg me to study him, as he lays himself on the bed of thorns i made to keep myself in line. and i will, entranced by fascination. it’s not enough to understand the universe. i am glad to know, and hate, him.
i want him to be under me, but not out of control- no. no i want him to want this. there’s power in being morally certain, power in being avoidant of feelings and questions, but he won’t give me that power. he will push me in ways i’ve never been pushed and he will challenge me to face both him and myself and i can see it. he’s on a table. he’s practically spitting in my face and im prepared to turn him inside out. i am angry, i’ve never been angry at a subject before but Him. him. him. him. it’s a mantra. nothing else compares to him, Nothing. nobody else, no other study no other project no other person or specimen, nothing. it’ll always be him.
you know how the universe repeats? small patterns show up in larger scales and visa versa? well he, he is the universe. he is the pattern, the source code, and he is what i want to look at forever
he is a piece of something bigger but he holds everything i need to know and more- everything i want to. i could stare for eternity into the larger universe and find whatever i needed but i wouldn’t enjoy it near as much as looking into him, holding him and pushing him and acknowledging him as my own personal universe
he is the way i will know the world, he is the universe i want to uncode, he is my eternity in hands and hearts and i want everything from him
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
melon + peach + plum?
melon- my first impression of you: i thought you were so cool. like super cool. i still think ur super cool
peach- what i like the most about your blog: your aesthetic is rly cool i like it a lot. als o your mobile theme is 👌
plum- a song that reminds me of you/your blog: i have two!! actually um Ghost by Snakadaktal and Amenamy by Purity Ring
guilt2 replied to your post “i complain about school a lot but i love to talk about it so if you...”
hs junior: spanish 2, ap bio, aplan, algebra 2, us history + the rest arent sorted yet. i took ap micro/macro econ last year and its soo @_@ i passed but idk what a graph is anymore
ohh i’ve taken ap bio it’s hard but im not really a bio/chem person also my teacher was the worst
good luck with your classes!!