Ravnica: A tourist’s guide
Well, since we’re going back to Ravnica for Magic, I guess we should talk about it. In general, the city is run by ten guilds. Here, I will summarize with extreme bias, in alphabetical order:
Azorious Senate: Imagine if cops were obsessed with paperwork and had force-fields. These people are the law, the central bureaucracy, and their main job is stopping things form happening and writing really long treatises to explain why they should. They tend to be safe to be around, but they are the ultimate buzzkills. They are mostly led by Sphinxes and lawyers, the two most pedantic entities in the universe.
Boros Legion: If Azorious is the boring mall cop, Boros is the loose cannon on the edge played by Bruce Willis, except he’s got a halo and a flamethrower and his partner is a minotaur. And the car chase is more of a giant griffin ride.
House Dimir: You aren’t cleared for that information, friend. Best hope it stays that way.
Golgari Swarm: Imagine if most of the food kitchens in your neighborhood were run by goths who were also cultivating ingredients by growing gardens in bodies they stole from the local cemetery. Also, a lot of them are gorgons with neat dresses now.
Gruul Clans: When all you have is a hammer, stuff looks like a nail. Give a hammer teeth, and you have the Gruul. They are either here to eat, break things, or party. If you are super lucky, it’s not the third option, which is basically combining the other two and not leaving until someone kicks their ass. They always respect a challenge, but they don’t believe in bystanders.
Izzet League: If you game Adam Savage from Mythbusters a fursona, it wouldn’t look exactly like Niv-mizzet, but the other members of the league would still help him build a multi-temporal lightning-powered toaster that works better as a jetpack somehow. Weirdly enough, the toast is still pretty good when it lands in this plane of reality.
Orzhov Syndicate: Remember when the Catholic church was selling indulgences to promise you a better position in the afterlife? Imagine a cathedral full people who can actually prove that, run by a council of well to do ghosts who are also loan sharks and mobsters. They are staffed by nihilistic angels, vampire priests, grumpy old ghosts, and a weird lady who dresses like she’s trying to be in a Nier game. And they love GOOOOOOOOOOLD! They also recycle the bodies of some people into thrulls, because there’s more than one way to collect on a debt.
Rakdos Cult: Okay, so, hear me out on this. “Cenobite Mardi Gras Blood Orgy” If that made you curious, then they’d like to party with you. If your urge is to run screaming, good job, you’re sane. Listen to that voice.
Selesnyan conclave: Imagine a group of druids who meet up in Central Park to hand out fliers, plant trees, and establish a hive mind of singing wooden hippies. now imagine they have a military of like-minded plants, knightly elephants, and big friggin’ critters.
Simic Combine: Radioactive ooze symbiote bonds with local mad scientist, what happens next will shock you! Not clickbait, dude’s frigging bioelectric now. Best to start running, guys.
