Forgive me you said
Forgive me you said
Erase any thought left of me in your head
It's hard to see straight when you only see Red
Now I know in my heart it's goodbye to a friend....
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Forgive me you said
Forgive me you said
Erase any thought left of me in your head
It's hard to see straight when you only see Red
Now I know in my heart it's goodbye to a friend....

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Always the same book but never the same page
Where did i go wrong? You made me feel as though i was ontop of the world and now you wont even respond, just take me back to laying in bed with you when everything was easierš
Out of everyone else, I always thought you'd be more understanding.
#kindapissed
Ok, so these humans and their machines are wreaking havoc for me. All my other friends are getting hurt too and Iām just so done. I thought we were all friends. Iāve tried being nice but it hasnāt worked... any advice?
So I just found out that there are people in this fandom that completely disgust and revolt me. I joined this fandom because I felt accepted. I felt that no matter who I am, what I do, and what I like I will always find friends who love me.
Now donāt get me wrong, a good majority of this fandom has been wonderful and amazing, and I am so lucky to have made such wonderful friends. You guys know who you are.
But today, not even twenty minutes ago, I found out that there are shippers who have bullied someone so horribly, so drastically, because they openly had different opinions on a particular ship thatās forced them to leave. No one knows how this person is doing and it makes me sick go my stomach with worry.
Now, there are certain ships I adore, and certain ships I donāt like. And that is FINE. We are allowed to like and not like things. And itās okay. Just because someone openly doesnāt like a ship I do, doesnāt like a character I do, or doesnāt even enjoy the game as I do, does NOT GIVE ME ANY POSITION TO BERATE, BELITTLE, OR HARM THAT PERSON IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.
I joined this fandom because Undertale is an amazing game, an unforgettable experience. Iāve made so many friends in just the short time Iāve been writing on Ao3 and the shorter time Iāve been on tumblr. I wouldnāt trade any of it for the world.
But to those of you who attacked this person, shamed them and mentally and emotionally abused them. Shame on you. Shame on you for thinking you had any right at all to harm this user. Shame on you for being unable to accept the fact that not everyone ships fontcest. And shame on you for potentially taking a life you had no business in taking.

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You know the sad part about you leaving? Ā I actually thought you would come back...
My heart.. It hurts.
I donāt know why.
I donāt know why I care.
Itās been weeks without you, and it was my choice. It shouldāve happened a long time ago, but I didnāt have to courage to leave. I didnāt have the courage to leave someone that I loved.
Yes, I loved you.
I loved you even though you were toxic. I loved you even though you made me hate myself.
But isnāt that what love is? Isnāt love where youāre supposed to put someone elseās happiness before your own? Isnāt love where you would do anything just so you could see them happy, even if it meant jeopardizing your own happiness?
I thought thatās what love was. As soon as I saw those eyes, I knew I was in trouble. Those haunting, beautiful green eyes. They were legitimately the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. I walked into that room and laid eyes on you for the first time and I was hooked. I wished so bad that you wouldāve given me the time of day- but I felt like I was just so out of your league.
I feel like that has always been the problem. I was way out of your league, even when we dated. I mean, it shouldāve been obvious. You were that tall, muscular athletic guy that epitomized my type. I was that short, nerdy girl who was way too awkward to be with a guy like you. I shouldāve seen the red flags right away. But I guess thatās what youth and naivety do to you.
The said part was, I was unavailable. Four years of my life had been devoted to my boyfriend at the time. We were skating on thin ice at that time, so I guess the idea of you was even more appealing to me. That first day I left work, I saw a friend request from you. I was so ecstatic. Then we started talking. Slowly but surely, every single day, we began talking and you were flirting and the fucked up thing was that I was okay with it.
So, I went with my heart. I left my relationship behind and I went for it- I started falling for you. You were that charming guy I always dreamed of. We started talking more and more and we hung out on a semi-regular basis. We worked together so much to the point where they put us on different shifts because we didnāt get shit done. I fell in love with the way that you told me what I wanted to hear, whether just through a long goodnight text or whenever I saw you.Ā
But love made me blind. I fell for you so hard, so fast that I couldnāt see the warning signs right in front of me. At first, you were afraid I was going to find someone else so you begged me not to talk to other guys and to stay loyal to you. Okay, simple enough- itās not like it was hard, I liked you and I wanted to be with you. You were hurt before, so you said, and I understood that. So, no matter how annoying it got, I ensured you every day that you were the only one I spoke to.
Then, it got worse. I had to constantly ensure you that I wasnāt doing stupid shit like going out drinking and to parties where there would be other guys. Okay...I was never a huge party animal but there was no harm in having a fun night with my girlfriends. But, that wasnāt acceptable either. Anytime that I told you I was going with my friends, you instantly got pissed and jealous and acted like an infant in a full-blown temper tantrum.Ā
Fourth of July came, and I waited all day for you. All I wanted was that ideal night under the fireworks with the guy I really liked. But I had to wait for you all day. Thatās whatās sad. It was always a waiting game with you and at your beck and call I had to be ready for you. If I wasnāt, I was cheating on you. So that night, instead of you holding me from behind and kissing me underneath the fireworks, I had to endure insult after insult of how IĀ āfucked other guysā all day and youĀ āhope I had fun partyingā with all of my friendsā boyfriends at my girlfriendās family party- while I was waiting for you to decide to come get me.
You ruined my night. And sadly, that was only the first time and not the last.
All summer I spent making myself available for you whenever it was to your convenience. You started making these fucked up stipulations- we had to hang out at night, we always just drove around, I always had to have my hair straightened and my makeup flawless. I shouldāve ran there. But I didnāt. And those arenāt even the worst things.
The worst thing was that you told me that you didnāt know if you could date me.
You gave me the typical line of bullshit. You were hurt, you were cheated on, and you didnāt want to get hurt again, blah blah blah. Of course. So I gave you time until just before you left to go back to college.
I finally met your family. I felt like we were taking a crucial step in the right direction just before you left. And that night, that August 11th when we were laying in your bed, you asked me to be your girlfriend. FINALLY. But first, I had to agree to the terms and conditions.
āOkay babe, but just nothing on social media for now, okay?ā
But why?
āI just donāt like people getting into my personal business.ā
If that wasnāt the biggest red flag of them all, I donāt know what was. But of course, I agreed. I finally had you and that was what mattered to me. But things just continued to get worse.Ā
I donāt know how many times you were being sneaky, but I noticed. I noticed the little things about how you always laid your phone face down whenever we went out to eat or you never let your phone out of your hand. I caught on to your tricks. I snuck around, and I donāt care if you know or not. I would pull up your Facebook Messenger while you were in the shower and see how many girls were there and asking them all to hang out. I messaged your ex, andĀ I found out you were still talking to her. I brought it up to you.Ā Your excuse? Sheās crazy, why would I still be talking to her? I found texts on your phone between you and other girls, ranging fromĀ āOh, you should come hang outā toĀ āYou should let me punish you, Iād bend you over my desk and do you like my homework.ā Your excuse? Miranda, we were friends in high school, thatās how our friendship was. I found that your two ex-girlfriends were two of your best friends on Snapchat. Your excuse? I want to rub in their face how much better I am without them. I found you ask a girl for her number on her Facebook wall. Your excuse? Iām trying to set her up with my friend.Ā I read your Tinder messages and witness you ask multiple girls to come stay with you and if you could take their virginity. Your excuse? Miranda, itās a joke, theyāre only fifteen, why would I actually do that?
You know, the worst thing about it all was that I forgave you every single time. I forgave you for all the girls you fucked around with behind my back that I know about (and God forbid the ones I donāt.) I forgave you for making me give up time with my friends and sit alone in my room while you went out and did God knows what. I forgave you for getting pissed off at me whenever I was upset that I couldnāt post a picture of us on Instagram or say that we were in a relationship on Facebook.
I forgave you for all of that.
But there areĀ some things I will never, ever forgive you for. I will never forgive you for how much heartache you put me through. I will never forgive you for making me feel like I repulsed you and like I embarrassed you to the point where you never even wanted to touch me or even acknowledge that you were dating me. I will never forgive you for only making me feel good enough when I did your math homework for you or came to see you at 1am to write a paper for you that you had due. I will never forgive you for how you made me cry night after night wondering why I was never good enough for someone like you. And I sure as hell will never forgive you for being the biggest hypocrite I know and trying to trap me in a relationship with you by threatening to take your life- just so you had the upper hand.
I will admit, it literally crushed my heart into a thousand pieces to end things with you. I saw you as literally a dream come true, just with a temper problem. But I handled that before, so IĀ didnāt see the problem in doing so again. But you scared me. I didnāt know what you were going to do to yourself and I definitely didnāt know what you were going to do to me. You threatened to show up at my college. You threatened so much to me, and I was scared of you keeping your word for once.
Itās been 33 days. I got out of your grasps and stood on my own two wobbly feet and said that I had enough. You pretended that you cared for a while, but of course it was just an act. The talking to other girls never stopped, as I imagined it wouldnāt. And yet, itās been 33 days and I just want to know why.Ā
Why was I never good enough for you? Why was what I did for you not enough?
Even though you fucked me up more than you can imagine, I still blame myself. I still feel too damaged to be good enough for anybody. I still feel like Iām unlovable. I wish to God that you were different. I wish to God that you were actually that guy who grabbed my hand in the car and drive together in silence and grabbed me by the face and told me how much you loved me before you kissed me goodbye and I left you for the week. Those are the moments that still sting.Ā
I donāt know why I still care. I donāt know why any part of my being still misses you. But I guess thatās just who I am. And however fucked up ourĀ āsecretiveā relationship was, I donāt hate you. I donāt think I could hate you. However, I do wish you luck in finding some girl who can put up with half of the shit that I dealt with for the past six months.
Iām hoping one day I wonāt think about you. Maybe if I could go back and erase the past six months of my life, I would. Iām hoping that one day I can realize that I deserve better than you.
Most of all, Iām hoping one day and I can wake up and get out of bed and be in love with the girl who I was when I was with you and realize that thereās someone out there who can love me too.