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Character unused to size? (guess you could include stuckage too)
Send me a kink and I’ll rate it!
No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |
There aren't even words to describe how much I love stuff like that. Stuckage, knocking things over, accidentally breaking stuff, pinning someone with their gut without even noticing, ect ect, pretty much any growth induced clumsiness is great!
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the tricky thing about growth and self discovery is that it requires enough self worth to believe you warrant the effort in the first place, and for a lot of us a major stumbling block is not having that inherent sense of our value, that perceived deficit itself being a major project within the greater process. sometimes we have to catch a ride on others' value of us, loved ones that support us gently and patiently through years of turbulence, deities that call out to us and then take us and turn us by the shoulders back inside, back to ourselves, and sometimes we find ourselves unsupported and alone, and in those murky, painful times, curiosity can be enough. if you feel worthless, if you feel too broken, hold space for the possibility that you aren't. wonder what if, what if im enough, wonder what strength and love and insight and wholeness you might find if you simply see what happens when you treat yourself as worth the effort, and let that be enough, because so are you.
do not let the measure of days fool you into thinking that life is orderly. it is not. patterned but by chaos. regular but only in short bursts. spiralling yet never returning to a previous point. life is always new and unpredictable and you should hold it tenderly yet firmly because it will visit you for such a very short time.
it's been a motherfucking rough october y'all, which sucks because it's usually my favorite month, and im still not out of this rut, so here are some of my favorite coping mechanisms, some a little lighter than others, if anybody else is going through it right now:
when i have an uncomfortable sensation, like nervous tummy or achey sad chest, i pull my awareness as fully as i can to somewhere else in my body that feels neutral, then move back to the unpleasant sensation and breathe through it, switching back and forth until i become more comfortable with the discomfort or the sensation lessens
guided🗣meditation🗣 traditional mindfulness meditation, sitting in the quiet void, can be really difficult when you're suffering, so guided meditations are a great anchor to lead you into a calmer space with lots of visualization prompts and give your mind something to come back to as it wanders. youtube has lots for many different purposes (sleep, stress, focus, etc) and im a big fan of the free app insight timer which has thousands of guided meditations
journaling, traditional and art journaling. paint your breath (move the brush or pen in rhythm with your breathing) or write out word associations of how you feel, maybe even painting over them if they're negative. traditional journaling wise, it's good to try not to simply vent but also look at what you need to get off your chest and find a solution for it. for example, if you're furiously writing about how overwhelmed you are, end the entry with what's good right now and what of the overwhelming stuff are actually properties, giving yourself some time to see what's an issue and what's not. journaling for me has been crucial in having an objective log of how i feel for when im in a rut and tend to misremember how bad things actually are (surprise, it's almost always not nearly as bad as i think), and is a good way to start observing and then changing your inner narrative
wash your face, brush your teeth, shower if you've got the spoons. just feeling clean and fresh can help boost your mood and reset an emotional spiral
add your own! if y'all have stuff that works for you that i haven't tried, im all ears
stay grounded, y'all
i had a really intense and sudden spiritual experience a couple days ago and it was healing and cleansing, i feel like the great mother goddess pulled me into their arms and cleaned out all the guilt and shame i've been hoarding for years, but also like i was whacked upside the head for all my self-sabotage and fear/hesitance i have about establishing even minor healthy habits.
it's frustrating because i was so present in that moment and felt with my whole body that everything was going to be okay and that even all the bullshit was okay and i wasn't a failure, but it's so hard to maintain that feeling and do something with it, and i'm being met with a lot of misunderstanding when i try to explain the experience to even close friends who don't question the validity of it, but misinterpret how i feel about it????
i don't know... it's just left me really off-kilter and wishing i had stayed with the connection instead of trying to come back to myself, because my friend was right there watching me as this energy overtook me and i was aware the whole time that they were probably worried i was having a seizure or a psychotic break or something and i wish i'd just let it ride more than i did.
either way, i had a few minutes of surrender and true presence and i cried more than i have in years and i'm sure this is strange to anyone unfamiliar with paganism or ecstatic/"shamanic" experiences, but it was really positive but also really heavy and i needed to put this somewhere and i could use a hug :/
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