#greybean

ive had a rough day 😴

i hate people who’ve had sex and been in relationships and whatnot say theyre dying for affection ,, like ,, buddy ,,, im almost fuckn sixteen and all my friends have had sex and all that shit and i havent even kissed someone ,, like dont fuckn say shit to me about craving affection ?? the closest thing i get to affection is my mom saying she loves me ,,, dont come near me and complain about not getting enough affection bro like in dying for someone to touch me and hold me and love me and yall been havin sex and been makin out with hella people like dont say that shit to me just cuz u inna dry patch like fuck off

yall ever positive self talk in your head and start sobbing because its completely foreign language to you, it’s like someone else is saying it

my beautiful pitbull girl decided today in her five years of life was the first day to bite someone and draw blood. she was tied out in our front yard while we were inside and a boy got bit by her. im just so sad and confused and upset. ive raised this dog and she has never ever hurt anyone. i know i have to understand she is an animal and its impossible to make sure 10000% of the time that an animal will act how you train them, but i still feel like this is my fault or that i should have known because she was a pitbull this happened.

the worst part of my depression is that now im on antidepressents, i feel guilty for being sad. i dont want to kill myself but sometimes i ache to hurt myself. i know i could do it, but i feel so guilty. i feel guilty everytime i get sad even though its so much more rare now. i feel like im not allowed to want to hurt myself because im supposed to be better.

you know how people with mental disorders have a strange attatchment to them? like with my depression, i want to get better but sometimes im scared of who id be without it. i feel like that about my weight too and i think its what drives me to be so conflicted. people have told me my whole life to lose weight and its brought me so much pain and insecurity. but ive been trying to love myself and accept myself. but i still have the idea to lose weight drilled into my head. honestly, sometimes i get scared too, because ive been chubby my whole life and i dont know what ill look like when im skinny. will i find myself easier to love? will i still find things to hate? it makes it so difficult for me to push through and diet and lose weight, because who will i be without my chubby arms and legs and tummy? where will i go? i want to love myself the way i am now but i struggle so hard with insecurity that i dont know if i should stop eating and lose myself or keep eating the way i do and love myself. its hard as hell. but im trying.