#greatperhaps

“I go to seek a great perhaps,” those were Francois Rabelais last words according to John Green’s novel, looking for Alaska. I also have those words written on my wrist as a reminder not to give up on seeking my great perhaps

2017 was an emotional roller coaster for me. It welcomed me with a new job as an Art Director, I had what I thought a decent heterosexual relationship, I become the Head Layout Artist of our University’s publication, I earned my highest General Weighted Average (GWA), and lastly, I was part of the group that produced one of the Best Thesis of the school year.

Somewhere along the way, they were taken to me one by one. The relationship didn’t grow-- I just lost trust and got tired of it, the hard drive that contains my client projects got corrupted and I was involved in an incident that might ruin my future such as my graduation and law school admission.

I came to a point where I attempted to kill myself because things were too much for me to handle, everything seems to have a no existing solution. I kept on breaking down, I was stuck in the maze of catastrophe and can’t find my way out.

Every drip of margarita and sorts alcoholic beverages in my system served as my temporary release and every puff of Marlboro ice blast was my form of coping mechanism. There were days wherein I would go out not eating anything.

But what kept me going is that there are people who never left me at my worst. Some even prioritized my happiness over theirs. They would even say how much I’m valued. For once I felt that there are people who genuinely care about me regardless of where I first met them.

No words could explain how grateful I am for the people around me who never gave up when I have given up on myself. This 2018, I know that I’m a stronger person.

Nothing is certain in the upcoming days but I am claiming that this year would be in favor of me. This is the version of me bidding goodbye to my weak self. This is me opening my arms to the great perhaps that I would encounter along the way. Adios 2017, Bienvenido 2018!