#greatestmomever

A Letter to Heaven

  Dear Mom, 

      You’d be thirty-nine in less than three hours, so Happy Birthday, Old Woman. Yep, would hit me for that, I can see it now, haha. This is the fourth birthday we’ve all had to celebrate without you, it breaks my heart. If you were here, us girls would probably be preparing something special, but instead were going to visit a stone with your name on it. Thats the sad truth. I still can’t believe that you wouldn’t even be forty and you’re already dead; and I truly hate saying that but its the only way it seems clear in my mind. I truly believe that there is a time for everything but I just don’t understand how it was yours; raising three children, going to school and making something of yourself. I know happy you were, and I want you to know I’m still so damn proud of you. Because I know if you would of gotten the chance to finish, I know you would of. I can’t answer or begin to understand, the reasoning behind this; I wish I never had to experience most of my teenage life without you. I wish Jamie and Jenna didn’t have to mourn you either. We had so many fun times, I remember those night we would just cruise around, or during storms when the electric would go out we would just play phase 10 for hours, or watching all of your favorite crime tv shows. I remember when I would wake up on saturday mornings and I would hear you laughing incredibly loud in the living room down stairs, or how when I was at dads you would text me just to tell me that you turned the tv up on loud because it was so quiet without us girls, or when we would argue and you would just give the silent treatment for hours, man I hate the silent treatment… so I would just start begging you to talk to me. I could go on all day, truly, You were a fantastic, Mother and my absolute best friend. The pain of your loss is excruciating, somedays unbearable; its like my heart actually, physically hurts inside my chest. Losing you was truly the worst pain, I’ve ever felt. I remember the exact second dad told me, and I remember shaking so badly, hoping and praying that this was some sick joke, and I remember looking over and seeing Jamie in the passenger seat of the Jetta, and thats when I knew. I remember Jenna crying so hard, that her tears soaked my jeans, and I remember feeling powerless, and even heartless because I couldn’t cry, because I just didn’t wanna believe the God had took you home. And I remember the numbness I felt at your visitation, and having to see you so swollen and disembodied. This past four in a half years without you, have been the most challenging years of my life. I have missed you every single day. I can’t imagine how glorious heaven must be, and I know God made a spot there just for you; but as much as I know that it still doesn’t change the fact that I need you here. So all I ask is that, you shine down today. And I pray that God wraps his arms right around all of us, because we are going to mourn you today. I cant wait to share all thats happened since you been gone. I will continue to miss you every day. Happy Birthday in heaven, Momma. I love you so much.

Wrote this many of years ago just for you;

'she is shinning through the stars as we speak, and when morning rises, she will be the ray of sun through the clouds, just trying to be seen; she is the gust of the wind the tops of the trees the flow of the grass and she teaches the love that we all need’