#grauduation

Recent Acquisition - Ephemera Collection

Someone asked me today, who I wanted to be and what I wanted to be doing a year from now. It got me thinking about myself, and what I think I need to re-evaluate in my life. My perspective on life is completely different than what it used to be, what it was when I was in the sixth grade dead set on what I wanted to be when “I grew up”.  I had always said I wanted to be a teacher, not just any teacher, but one of those teachers that actually change their students for the better, for what they truly can be. I had two of those teachers in highschool that showed me my true potential and how many doors could open for me no matter what I chose to do. I always knew that no matter what I chose to do, I would do the greatest and put the strongest effort in, but now as I sit here about to finish my undergrad, I find myself wondering what that thing I chose is going to be.  As I sit with interview after interview for just the summer positions, I wonder what I really want to do for the rest of my life, and I wonder if I am missing the small things to get there.

I want to travel. I wish I could be one of those people who just pack up and hitchhike across Canada. I wish I had the guts to do that. But someone I know is a realist, and he is always reminding me of the realistic views on ideas. In order to travel, you need the money, and to get money, you need to work. So here I am back at square one. The world is such a big place, maybe a little too big for me and my not so bright ideas. But one thing I do know, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I wouldn’t travel without someone to share the memories with me.

That is the one thing I will always be sure about, when it comes to knowing myself at least. I want to find that “special someone” to share my life with. Going from boyfriend to boyfriend really allowed me to see that I want to be a wife, and I want to be a mom. Those are full time jobs. And trust me, I know I’m not perfect, and I know I may search my whole life to find that one man to put up with me, but that being the only thing I know completely about myself, I’m not giving up.

Every day I get up and I meet someone new and I learn something new, those are the greatest things I could ask for in my search for discovery. A year from now, I want to have exactly what I have now; a roof over my head, friends to keep me sane, and at least one person in this great big world who adores me. A year from now, I want any job that makes me happy, where people respect me, and where I can continually learn from others and them learn from me. A year from now, I want to have a house with a backyard that I can sit out during the sunniest day and get burnt. A year from now, I want to know see where I was a year ago and laugh at all the things I overthought, the people that have come and gone and the experiences that allowed me to be who I am today.

It's a bittersweet experience to go from high school, into college and to grad school with only a small taste of what the real world will be like. Not completely dependent but not necessarily independent yet. Now I've gone from walking across the stage to being kicked into the real world left to fend for myself with people who are fighting to keep what they have. They won't necessarily be willing to teach me like they were during my internship and now I'll have more responsibility and be liable for other people's lives (as a social worker). The school will no longer be my safety net or parachute. On the other hand I'm excited to see if I can put to use all those years of research and role playing counseling sessions. I'm excited to see if those theories and practices will actually work in the real world. And I'm anxious to see if it was worth the stress and to put my newly gained skills to work. I'm also eager to sleep; after all that's something I've deprived myself of for two + years. I'm ready to get back to having a life outside of research articles, ten-fifteen page papers, confusing APA rules and unpaid internships. I'm eager to have friends again and read books for leisure and not out of necessity but not looking forward to the nervousness of job searches, filling out applications and résumé writing.

But it's been a few weeks since graduating and I'm grateful to say that I've landed a part time job.  It's not perfect but it's a start for someone fresh out of grad school.

Next step? Licensing Exam!